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06.09.2006by: Jim Law

Top 10 Principals

A very important piece of THE BREAKFAST CLUB is gone forever. In case you missed it last week, Paul Gleason, the man that brought Principal Vernon to life, has died at the age of 67 from a rare form of lung cancer linked to asbestos. In his honour, we've gathered a group of his peers and gave them their own spotlight. So straighten up, get your books out, and keep your trap shut - it's detention time. And whatever you do, "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns."

10. Principal Powers - SKY HIGH (2005)

To be honest, Powers (Lynda Carter) was a last minute add-in here because I realized Principal Victoria never shows up in SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER & UNCUT. She holds her own though, due to the fact that nobody else on this list had a school full of misguided superheroes and their sidekicks. I just wish she would have kicked a little ass.

9. Principal McGee - GREASE (1978)

She didn't have any super powers but she did have to watch over the T-Birds and The Pink Ladies. This was never an easy task. Her daily announcements were inspiring, her secretary was a retard, and she even busted a move on American Bandstand while keeping all the horny teenagers an arms length apart.

8. Principal Duvall - MEAN GIRLS (2004)

This is a fantastic hidden gem of a performance given by the always great Tim Meadows. Every second he has on screen is hilarious, whether he's staring at Tina Fey's soaking wet boobs or dealing with wide set vaginas and fugly sluts. Watch this movie - thank me later.

7. Principal Blackman - STRANGERS WITH CANDY (2005)

As a long time fan of the television series, there was no way I could make a list like this and not include Onyx Blackman (Greg Hollimon), even if the movie hasn't been released yet (watch for it later this month). His complete disregard for morality and public decency make him the ideal leader of Flatpoint High and the perfect role model for the disaster that is Jerri Blank (Amy Sedaris).

6. Principal Drake - THE FACULTY (1998)

Your Principal may be an asshole but at least they don't get infested with an evil parasite and continuously try to kill you. Or do they? Even after Frodo shoots her in the head she still comes back for more. Could be the whitest, sexiest and the scariest principal ever, all at the same time.

5. Principal Strickland - BACK TO THE FUTURE (1985)

Poor Strickland (James Tolkan) has had to deal with one McFly or another for years. They're all slackers in his book. A couple things have always been unclear about this character. Was he the principal of the high school when Marty went back in time? That would make him the head honcho for at least 30 years. Also, was he the Principal or Vice-Principal? Help me sleep better people.

4. Principal Latimer - THE PRINCIPAL (1987)

When you have a movie with James Belushi playing the toughest guy in the world you're just asking for awesomeness. Throw in Louis Gossett Jr. as the bad ass janitor and you got yourself, possibly, the greatest movie ever made - next to ROAD HOUSE of course (I got your back Moreno). After watching this movie I started a fight with my very own Principal, and got my ass handed to me via a yard stick and some pink chalk.

3. Principal Vernon - THE BREAKFAST CLUB (1985)

He is the voice of discipline in the greatest teen drama ever made. It's impossible to watch this movie and not hate him. It's also impossible not to wonder why the principal is watching over Saturday detention. And since he gave Bender 8 more detentions you gotta wonder if this guy does anything with his weekends other than sit in his office. Whatever, rest in peace dude.

2. Principal Clark - LEAN ON ME (1989)

He kicks students out of school if he heard they did drugs, he puts chains on the doors to keep the scum out, he bitches out teachers in front of students, he carries around a megaphone to randomly yell at assholes, and he makes you sing the school song if he catches you screwing around. My last year of high school, I saw my principal twice. Joe Clark (Morgan Freeman) would have killed him with his bare hands.

1. Principal Rooney - FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF (1986)

Child porn aside, Jeffrey Jones is absolutely brilliant in this film. He may be a bumbling buffoon for the most part but his mere presence in the film makes Ferris' journey so important. We want to see Rooney fail as much as we want Ferris back in his bed before his parents get home. When it's all said and done, Ed Rooney is the one person on this list I would have most loved for a principal because I could have gotten away with more shit and become a legend in the process. Now, about those criminal charges...



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