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Review: Kevin Smith's Yoga Hosers (Sundance)

Kevin Smith's Yoga Hosers (Sundance)
01.25.2016
2 10

PLOT: Two convenience store clerks (Lily-Rose Depp & Harley Quinn Smith) stumble upon a Nazi plot to kill all critics.

REVIEW: In his (lengthy) introduction to YOGA HOSERS, Smith proudly called it the “stupidest f**king movie ever made.” He’s right, YOGA HOSERS really is one of the dumbest films ever made, but not in a fun way at all. While many critics took issue with TUSK, I was one of the few that appreciated it for the fact that Smith was trying something a little different and made a movie devoid of the laziness I thought prevailed some of his misfires.

YOGA HOSERS is a disastrous step-back for Smith, with it playing out like little more than the Smith and Depp family home movies. Lily-Rose and Harley Quinn are likable enough, but the only reason this movie exists is so Depp and Smith can pay cinematic tribute to their beloved daughters. This is admirable, but in their efforts they’ve forgotten to make anything that would appeal beyond their extended family, with no plot whatsoever, playing out as a feature-length series of bad Canadian jokes. Everyone says “aboot” and “eh” every second word, but the joke falls flat almost immediately.

There’s absolutely nothing to it. Within the first ten minutes Lily and Harley have gotten two musical numbers, with the second a montage tribute to their adorableness. Funny thing is, their numbers are probably the best part of the movie as at least there’s some energy. But the rest is just garbage, with constant cuts to faux-instagram pages every time new characters are introduced, as if Smith is trying hard to make this his SCOTT PILGRIM without any of the imagination. For a fun game, count how many characters in this film are played by members of the Smith or Depp family.

Smith’s weak dialogue is the most disappointing part, as his strength has always been his clever scripts. Love him or hate him, Smith has talent as a writer. But here, it feels like he scribbled each scene right before shooting - that’s how unstructured it is. It takes nearly fifty minutes for the story to actually kick in, which revolves around a Nazi plot linked to Quebec fascist Adrien Arcand (Haley Joel Osment) who was actually a real guy. The idea is that a scientist friend of his created a nazi clone army, which wind up being mini-bratwurst sausage people, all played by Smith himself, who kill people by crawling up their anuses. Sigh.

Whatever you think about TUSK, at least it had a story. YOGA HOSERS is so unstructured it’s maddening. The Canada jokes are all lame, and Johnny Depp is even worse here than he was in TUSK, with his faux Quebec accent (with a beret- I’ve lived in Quebec my whole life and I’ve never seen anyone wearing a beret). The CGI suggests Smith had a very tiny budget, and maybe given how cheap it is it was seen as a lark by all involved. That said, there are still plenty of Smith fans out there that will pay to see this and it feels like they’re being cheated. The ending is especially abysmal, with Smith’s ‘Hollywood Babble-On’ co-host Ralph Garman trying to wring laughs out of his impressions of people like Sylvester Stallone and Al Pacino. Smith’s dig at critics, with the Nazi sausages (I can’t believe I just wrote that) being bent on killing all of them, feels like a big wink at his detractors. It would be more clever if it were part of a better movie.

I honestly take no pleasure in dissing Smith. His (good) movies have always meant a lot to me, but his recent output (except TUSK) has been dire. This is the worst thing he’s ever done and only worth seeing if you’re a hardcore Smith devotee or a part of the Smith/Depp family. Lily-Rose and Harley Quinn do their best and have talent, but Smith didn’t do them any favors here.

Source: JoBlo.com

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