Latest Movie News Headlines

Robocop receives a script review that redefines negative and calls the Total Recall remake a masterpiece in comparison

Aug. 14, 2012by: Alejandro Stepenberg

Oldschool Robocp banner

SPOILERS.

I've never met a single person enthused for the ROBOCOP (2013) remake. I'm sure that in a world with literally billions of people there must be a select few who were excited from day one, but I've never met any of them. There's also the kind of person, myself who included, who is intrigued enough by the casting (Gary Oldman, Samuel L. Jackson, Jackie Earle Hailey, Hugh Laurie, and Abbie Cornish) to at least not condemn this thing outright.

Either way, whichever opinion you may fall under, this script review by screenwriter/veteran online critic Drew McWeeny of Hitfix.com is just about as damning as it can be. And while this is just one guy's opinion of a script, it's a pretty vehement one. So if you want proof of what you've secretly suspected, or are even just curious to see one guy's vitriol-filled opinion of the script for ROBOCOP (2013) expressed via Twitter, then read on Macduff.

"I tried to read the “Robocop” remake, but 20 pages in my nose started bleeding and I forgot my name. #nobueno #reallynobueno"

"I’ll share this one detail. In the film, when Murphy is turned into Robocop 1.0, it’s described “a high-tech version of the ’80s suit.” Then they show a focus group scene where criminals laugh at the design. “He looks like a toy from the ’80s!” So they redesign him to look “meaner” as Robocop 2.0, who passes focus group approval. So they not only make sure to include the original design, they also point out it’s dated and stupid. *facepalm*"

"Hold onto your sides for more hilarious “Robocop” details. They outsource his construction to China. #seriously"

"And we meet the ED-209s in the field in Iran, where they’re used to subdue suicide bombers. #ineedallthedrinksnow"

"Short version: this script makes my stomach hurt very, very badly."

"Ahhh… now they just dropped Robocop 3.0 onto an Al Queda training camp to see what he does."

"“He should be programmed to incapacitate in all scenarios.” “Agreed. Let’s keep him PG-13, Dr. Norton.” No. No. No. No."

"By page 54, they are already onto Robocop 4.0, who looks like a “cop on steroids painted metallic blue.”"

"Oh, god… oh dear god… Robocop is a Transformer. He goes from “social mode” to “combat mode” and back. Full transformation."

Robocop gun pose slice

"I’m going to go stand in my backyard and scream at the moon for a while. My brain needs a shower."

"Write it down. Page 55, the “Robocop” remake beat me. I’m done. I can’t hurt more than this."

"Okay… the two “best” lines in the script. First up is at the unveiling ceremony for Robocop in Detroit, from a TV reporter covering it. “I think it’s safe to say that Alex Murphy is now part man, part machine, ALL COP!” Yes, I too remember the original poster, asshat. Second, after the traumatic first meeting with his father, Alex’s son retreats to the apartment of Lewis, Murphy’s male partner. The scene ends with the action line “David sits, catatonic, looks at the TV — MGM REMAKE TBD.”"

"Good god… it just keeps topping itself. It’s like someone wrote a script scientifically fine-tuned to destroy me. Someone shows Pope, head of the OCP project, some mock-ups for Robocop action figures. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar!” Yeah, that just happened. NOT SO FUNNY NOW, IS IT?!"

"When this thing hits theaters, people are going to call up Len Wiseman’s “Total Recall” on the phone and apologize for being so mean. “I’m sorry, ‘Total Recall.’ I had no idea how bad things could get. You’re starting to look like a masterpiece right about now.”"

"I’ll say this: once the script stops all the winky-winky crap and just starts telling a story, it’s not terrible. But it’s way too late. If you can get past Robocop The Transformer, there are some interesting action beats. And I’m sure Padilla will direct the hell out of it. But overall? Ouch. Ouch. Ohpleasedon’t. Ouch. And a big side order of ouch."

It's going to be a long wait until August 9th, 2013.

Abbie Cornish short hair BW

Extra Tidbit: SUCKER PUNCH still makes me sad.
Source: Twitter

Related Articles

MORE FUN FROM AROUND THE WEB

Strikeback
Not registered? Sign-up!
Or

10:28PM on 09/15/2012

Whiny fanboy is whiny.

Seriously ... This looks more to me like he just WANTED to hate this movie ... and the thing hasn't even come out yet! So it's got nods to the original. Well, DUH! Last time I checked, that's normally a sign of respect to the original (if done right). And actually, I like the idea of a transforming Robocop. Second, the action figure scenes give me hope that this movie will have nodes to the consumerism commentary of the original. Also ... way to push the panic button, d00d. You read a
Seriously ... This looks more to me like he just WANTED to hate this movie ... and the thing hasn't even come out yet! So it's got nods to the original. Well, DUH! Last time I checked, that's normally a sign of respect to the original (if done right). And actually, I like the idea of a transforming Robocop. Second, the action figure scenes give me hope that this movie will have nodes to the consumerism commentary of the original. Also ... way to push the panic button, d00d. You read a scene where they talk about him using nonlethal force, and you immediately think that they're nerfing the movie to a PG-13 level. The first Robocop was programmed to incapacitate, but use lethal force if necessary ,,, which it had to often do, because of the sheer level of criminal insanity in Chicago. Please, for the love of God ... STOP treating remakes like they have to be exactly like the original, and just looking for things to hate about it. If you didn't like the idea of a remake, DON'T GO SEE IT. Sheesh! Fanboy ranter needs to take a Prozac. Badly.
Your Reply:



+0
4:36PM on 08/15/2012

And now a word on nutrition.

blah.
blah.
Your Reply:



4:44AM on 08/15/2012

suspicions confirmed

Sounds like this movie doesn't know what it wants to be as in where satire ends and the middle-finger to original begins.
Sounds like this movie doesn't know what it wants to be as in where satire ends and the middle-finger to original begins.
Your Reply:



12:37AM on 08/15/2012
Hmmm, this sounds very familiar. A mid-east terrorist camp, a metal clad man/machine bristling with guns and one-liners. Oh yeah... Iron Man.
Hmmm, this sounds very familiar. A mid-east terrorist camp, a metal clad man/machine bristling with guns and one-liners. Oh yeah... Iron Man.
Your Reply:



9:42PM on 08/14/2012

I think that...

in the aftermath of 'Total Recall' (which i still think is a fun movie) people are even more apprehensive about remakes. There's a reason the cast signed on, they saw something good. But then, as awesome as they are they all have chosen crap movies in the past (dark knight rises, snakes on a plane, star wars ep 2 and 3, nightmare on elm street, stuart little and sucker punch).
in the aftermath of 'Total Recall' (which i still think is a fun movie) people are even more apprehensive about remakes. There's a reason the cast signed on, they saw something good. But then, as awesome as they are they all have chosen crap movies in the past (dark knight rises, snakes on a plane, star wars ep 2 and 3, nightmare on elm street, stuart little and sucker punch).
Your Reply:



8:45PM on 08/14/2012

For the love great movies...

This is worst than Momoa's Conan the Barbarian, I'm scared for the new Masters of the Universe remake. This is so wrong in so manny levels. Yeah even worse than Alien Ninja Turtles.
This is worst than Momoa's Conan the Barbarian, I'm scared for the new Masters of the Universe remake. This is so wrong in so manny levels. Yeah even worse than Alien Ninja Turtles.
Your Reply:



8:06PM on 08/14/2012
Hahaha ! I sooooo knew it.
Hahaha ! I sooooo knew it.
Your Reply:



6:02PM on 08/14/2012
Iran, China, and Al-Queda training camps?? Fuck off.
I had some shred of hope that whatever Darren Aronofksy saw in this would be left over. Now that hope is gone.
Iran, China, and Al-Queda training camps?? Fuck off.
I had some shred of hope that whatever Darren Aronofksy saw in this would be left over. Now that hope is gone.
Your Reply:



5:58PM on 08/14/2012
The satire in the original Robocop about corporations having too much control is more relevant NOW than it was in the 80s. So there's no reason to remake this film - other than $$$$$$$$$! Carpenter's Thing and Cronenberg's Fly remakes had reasons to exist beyond merely exploiting a brand name .
The satire in the original Robocop about corporations having too much control is more relevant NOW than it was in the 80s. So there's no reason to remake this film - other than $$$$$$$$$! Carpenter's Thing and Cronenberg's Fly remakes had reasons to exist beyond merely exploiting a brand name .
Your Reply:



8:17PM on 08/14/2012
Agree!
Agree!
+13
2:46PM on 08/14/2012

ummm

Robocop has absolutely no business messing with Al-Queda. he's roboCOP, not roboSOLDIER.
Robocop has absolutely no business messing with Al-Queda. he's roboCOP, not roboSOLDIER.
Your Reply:



12:28PM on 08/14/2012
Is it possible that the script is being read out of context? After all, i'm sure the original screenplay read pretty bad back in the day. It's all in the tone the director applies.
Is it possible that the script is being read out of context? After all, i'm sure the original screenplay read pretty bad back in the day. It's all in the tone the director applies.
Your Reply:



11:14AM on 08/14/2012

Sounds Like Robocop To Me

I don't see the problem here. Most of what's quoted there seems like it would fit right in with the satire inherent in Robocop (a film that isn't the masterpiece a lot of people make it out to be in the first place) and Jose Padilla is more talented than most american directors working today. I'm sure the movie will hit the right notes despite the whining of fanboy purists.
I don't see the problem here. Most of what's quoted there seems like it would fit right in with the satire inherent in Robocop (a film that isn't the masterpiece a lot of people make it out to be in the first place) and Jose Padilla is more talented than most american directors working today. I'm sure the movie will hit the right notes despite the whining of fanboy purists.
Your Reply:



+13
11:01AM on 08/14/2012
Bah, Drew McWeeny is one of the worst writers ont he web and I take anything he has to say with a grain of fucking salt.
Bah, Drew McWeeny is one of the worst writers ont he web and I take anything he has to say with a grain of fucking salt.
Your Reply:



12:36PM on 08/14/2012
I have never read a single thing by McWeeny, and judging by all his crap from Twitter I just read I already agree with you. He seems to be getting great pleasure in the fact that he was able to read the script before anyone else.
I have never read a single thing by McWeeny, and judging by all his crap from Twitter I just read I already agree with you. He seems to be getting great pleasure in the fact that he was able to read the script before anyone else.
10:28AM on 08/14/2012
HAHAHAHA...
I can't wait to see this on screen (I mean for FREE at a press screening) and then see this BOOOOOMB at the BO...
This will be SO MUCH FUN !
And I can't wait to read who the Studio will blame for the failure (because it WON'T be their fault... It NEVER is after all!!!).
HAHAHAHA...
I can't wait to see this on screen (I mean for FREE at a press screening) and then see this BOOOOOMB at the BO...
This will be SO MUCH FUN !
And I can't wait to read who the Studio will blame for the failure (because it WON'T be their fault... It NEVER is after all!!!).
Your Reply:



10:20AM on 08/14/2012
I suspected that this remake would take the source material too seriously, and sap all the inherent satire out of it. Seems like they're going the opposite way...
I suspected that this remake would take the source material too seriously, and sap all the inherent satire out of it. Seems like they're going the opposite way...
Your Reply:



10:10AM on 08/14/2012
I suspected that this remake would take the source material too seriously, and sap all the inherent satire out of it. Seems like they're going the opposite way...
I suspected that this remake would take the source material too seriously, and sap all the inherent satire out of it. Seems like they're going the opposite way...
Your Reply:



9:38AM on 08/14/2012
So OCP are not the Ďgo to bad guysí here, the real tyranny seems to be mediocrity.
Are we really surprised? Iím not.
The reviewer mentioned about the focus group laughing at the first design that it looks like a toy.
So not only is this remake mocking the original film, itís insulting its makers and designers.
Classy.

Well all we can hope is that it costs north of $200 million to produce and market and its opening weekend is around the 20-25 million mark.

So OCP are not the Ďgo to bad guysí here, the real tyranny seems to be mediocrity.
Are we really surprised? Iím not.
The reviewer mentioned about the focus group laughing at the first design that it looks like a toy.
So not only is this remake mocking the original film, itís insulting its makers and designers.
Classy.

Well all we can hope is that it costs north of $200 million to produce and market and its opening weekend is around the 20-25 million mark.

Your Reply:



9:25AM on 08/14/2012
Wow, hmmm, uhhh ... I think I'm speechless and sad at the same time.
Wow, hmmm, uhhh ... I think I'm speechless and sad at the same time.
Your Reply:



8:11AM on 08/14/2012
Wow, that was pretty upsetting to read. I was actually quite optimistic about the reboot, given the actors involved and how far socio-political allegory (and not to mention special effects technology) has come in the last two decades, but boy that does indeed sound bad. All the homages that McWeeny described reading in the screenplay sound so forced and hamfisted that it seems like he read a script for a RoboCop parody instead, and the current affairs situations like having RoboCop and ED 209
Wow, that was pretty upsetting to read. I was actually quite optimistic about the reboot, given the actors involved and how far socio-political allegory (and not to mention special effects technology) has come in the last two decades, but boy that does indeed sound bad. All the homages that McWeeny described reading in the screenplay sound so forced and hamfisted that it seems like he read a script for a RoboCop parody instead, and the current affairs situations like having RoboCop and ED 209 fight terrorists sound very shoehorned in and unnecessary. I don't think McWeeny could have made all those painful details up.
Your Reply:



7:58AM on 08/14/2012
This makes me sad a little bit. Then again, if enough cash-ins suffer from diminishing returns (Battleship, Total Recall, this) that may have the upside of sending a clear message to Hollywood that we don't want undercooked scripts with lots of money thrown at them. Maybe. The Wolverine will be a good test case for this phenomena, I think. Anyway. Sad news with such a great cast attached.
This makes me sad a little bit. Then again, if enough cash-ins suffer from diminishing returns (Battleship, Total Recall, this) that may have the upside of sending a clear message to Hollywood that we don't want undercooked scripts with lots of money thrown at them. Maybe. The Wolverine will be a good test case for this phenomena, I think. Anyway. Sad news with such a great cast attached.
Your Reply:



7:54AM on 08/14/2012
I believe a fellow schmoe posted that they are remaking too many classic movies that are just utter & complete shit. I don't know any movie buff out there that says hey i wanna see a remake of Total Recall, Robocop or the Crow? Hollywood seriously needs to stop with this already. I mean Romancing the Stone even, really hollywood?
I believe a fellow schmoe posted that they are remaking too many classic movies that are just utter & complete shit. I don't know any movie buff out there that says hey i wanna see a remake of Total Recall, Robocop or the Crow? Hollywood seriously needs to stop with this already. I mean Romancing the Stone even, really hollywood?
Your Reply:



7:32AM on 08/14/2012
I'm in the process of rewatching the Lord of the Rings appendices discs ( making of) and I can't believe how much effort, detail and passion went into bringing it to the screen. Why the fuck can't other film makers put the effort into their own movies. The old saying comes to mind "Film is Forever" . You are creating something that will last forever so how about putting your heart and soul into it so us viewers can have our jaws hit the floor. If you feed your customers shitty food we won't be
I'm in the process of rewatching the Lord of the Rings appendices discs ( making of) and I can't believe how much effort, detail and passion went into bringing it to the screen. Why the fuck can't other film makers put the effort into their own movies. The old saying comes to mind "Film is Forever" . You are creating something that will last forever so how about putting your heart and soul into it so us viewers can have our jaws hit the floor. If you feed your customers shitty food we won't be back to eat in your restaraunt.
Your Reply:



7:30AM on 08/14/2012
and the rape of my childhood continues.
Dont Touch Me, Man!!
and the rape of my childhood continues.
Dont Touch Me, Man!!
Your Reply: