Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Xavier Gens

Timothy Olyphant/Agent 47
Dougray Scott/Mike
Olga Kurylenko/Nika
Robert Knepper/Yuri
6 10
A pro-bono, bald headed hitman named Agent 47 (Olyphant) finds himself double crossed and then pulled into a political cover up while on a job in Eastern Europe. His way of solving his new little problem? A shit load of guns and bullets! My kind of broheem! YEEHAW!
I never played the Eidos videogame this flick was based on (well maybe once but I was smashed, hence it doesn’t count) but I was sure pumped for this film! I love me some tight action flicks with badass protagonists! I can’t get enough of them! When the HITMAN trailers were finally gunned our way though, I had the same sentiment as the norm; Olyphant didn’t work (too much of a baby face) but the action bits sure looked fly! Now that I’ve sniped this mark; here’s my new standpoint on it.

HITMAN was an interesting failure. That’s the best way I could describe it. You see on one end I was totally reeled in by the 80’s action vibe of the picture, the plethora (always wanted to use that word, there ya go) of slickly choreographed shootouts, some heavy hitting hand to hand fights (although the one at the end sucked) and the delicious moments of excessive violence at hand. Additionally, I was wooed by the character of Agent 47 for the most part. Olymphant actually wound up working for me, baby faced or not! Who knew? His cold stare, his genuine bits of merciless brutality, his charisma and his slick ass bald head so sold me. Great suits too! Kaboom on top of that a winning action score, an uneven yet appealing “the hitman and the whore” subplot, all kinds of tight slow-mo whoring bits and a handful of priceless one-liners and you get a film that worked me good in moments but not as a whole.

Which brings me to the other end: the story. What a mess! Think an overly intricate plot but told in a simpleton fashion. You dig plot holes, lapses in logic to serve the plot, a clunky pace and much needed suspension of disbelief? HAVE A BLAST! In my opinion, this story was way too topsy-turvey for an introduction to this character and his world. Result? I had hard time giving a fudge outside of Agent 47 blowing peeps away or that Russian dame dropping her top. More insight on Agent 47’s past and training, the Agency that created him, to then bring us to a 1- 2- 3 action flick would’ve stroked me much better. And what was up with the random shoddy editing! Felt like they didn’t get all their coverage and cut what they had even if it didn’t make sense. NOTE: Am I going to get into the occasional crappy dialogue and tiny mistakes that kept surfacing? Like the tie changing color from scene to scene? Nah… not worth it….

So when the bodies hit the floor and the smoke cleared HITMAN was a mixed bag. I had some clean fun with it and appreciated the old school goods it dropped in my lap. Everything else was like my love life though, on, off, inept and unfocused. You gonna hit this HITMAN?
We get a slew of bloody gun shot wounds and nasty stabbings (often CG blood).
The less Timothy Olyphant (Agent 47) talked the better he was! I loved it when his body language, his cold stare and his guns did the yapping. Dougray Scott (Mike) did what he had to do, too bad the part was meh if you stop and think about it. Olga Kurylenko (Nika) sizzled up the screen with her charm, supple lips and prominent sexual energy. DAMN! Robert Knepper (Yuri) often had me on the floor with his dead pan and dry witted delivery. He had all the best lines too!
T & A
Olga Kurylenko showed off her two 32 Bs and her magic butt cheeks. The ladies get Agent 47’s bald head to rub on.
Xavier Gens shined when it came to film noir-ish mood, slow mo abusing and rock /sock em shoot-outs. Too bad somebody behind this production (Director? Screenwriter? Studio? Editor?) didn’t know how to tell a freaking story.
I worshipped Geoff Zanelli's energetic and uber engaging action score. Made the film feel more thrilling than it was. I’d own it! Is it for sale?
There’s a solid movie somewhere in HITMAN. It popped its head out now and again via a tantalizing initial premise, a gripping lead, potent atmosphere/style and stand-out gun fights. Alas, the convoluted narrative, the dumb-dumb way it was communicated and the major plot holes here and there made sure to keep that great movie to so-so level. But hey, I still got some cheap thrills out of it! And that always counts for something in my book. Action junkies should give it a shot on DVD (specially if you enjoy 80's action), it’s worth a look. And I for one am hoping for a sequel, they could hopefully nail it 100% next time! The potential for a badass new action franchise is there! BRING IT HOME!
Vin Diesel was initially going to produce and star in this film, now he just has an Executive Producer credit.

Xavier Gens also directed Frontière(s) aka Hills Have Eyes with skinheads.

Screenwriter Skip Woods also wrote Swordfish and the upcoming Gi Joe live action movie.