The Arrow's 6 favorite Friday the 13th franchise hoes!

The Arrow’s 6 favorite Friday the 13th franchise hoes!

February 9th 2012, 10:48am

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

More often than none, there are three kinds of women in Friday the 13th movies. The “good girl” virginal type, the nice girl who gets converted/coaxed into giving it up for one reason or another (wanting to snag a guy usually comes into play) and of course, the 100%, shameless, sometimes bitch/tease, pole munching hoe. The latter is what this list will focus on; my 6 personal favorite Friday the 13th hoes. WARNING: Do not read if easily offended, don’t have a sense of humor or if you’re looking for something “eloquent”. It’s about hoes! Spread this list open, get it wet and plow away!

4- Tina (Debi Sue Voorhees) – Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

Most girls who happen to be complete morons turn me off no matter how attractive they are (Rihanna is a good example). But there are exceptions and Tina, that duh, sex crazed nympho is one of them. Is it that she’s so naive and hollow in the noggin that you want to hug and tea bag her? Or is it that she wants to f*ck and be naked 24/7? Or maybe its them big, fat, fucking, natural, fat fucking tits that could slap the head off a Rhino? I think it’s all of it. It all comes together to create the magic that is Tina… till that Jason poseur ruins it all by shoving garden shears in her eye sockets… that’s not where I would have put them. But hey…what can you do. Twas fun while it lasted.

3 -Nikki (Darcy DeMoss) – Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Ahhh Nikki. First of all her name somehow spells SEX to me. But the reason she’s on this list and so high up is not because she stoops as low as riding that dufus Cort or cause she gets her face rammed into an RV wall by Jason set to Alice Cooper’s awesome Teenage Frankenstein; it’s due to that sex face. Like seriously, look at it. I said…LOOK AT IT! Wow. Don’t know about yall, but seeing a face like that when I look up while some dame is Bronco Billy-ing my Johnson = heaven. Not every girl has a hot “sex” face. Some are actually offensive or giggle inducing, I have to close my eyes and shit… but Nikki… sizzle.

2- Melissa (Susan Jennifer Sullivan) – Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Them blue eyes, that bod, them nicely shaped lips! Melissa, Melissa, Melissa, how I love thee. She’s a finicky, frigid hoe. She’s spoiled and puts out that “I always get what I want” front. She uses her sexuality to manipulate men around her… well the weak ones that is. When she can’t get the dude she wants, she cock teases some dumbass, in the hopes of getting her object of desire jealous. I love this type of hoe. One that thinks she’s in control and acts like she’s a challenge. Their the most fun to play with and to break. I won’t even mention where I would insert that pearl necklace of hers…yum. All that to say Melissa rocks! PS: On a serious note, if anybody knows what happened to actress Susan Jennifer Sullivan. Where is she now? Is she dead? Let me know. Been trying to find out, so far, I found nothing.

1- Bree (Julianna Guill) – Friday the 13th (2009)

Last but not least: Bree. Am sure you all saw it coming. She’s sweet but dirty. Innocent looking but a minx in bed. Her body is to kill for and to die for and I think she sported the best looking pair of fun bags in the whole Friday the 13th franchise. On top of that her romp in the sack put all of the hump & dump sequences in previous Friday the 13Th flicks to shame. It was borderline porno, specially in the Killer Cut version of the movie. Finally, I got to hand it to her, she looked swell hanging from that antler door hook. Good job Jason! I want one!

5- Tamara Mason (Sharlene Martin) – Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Why is it that the daddy little rich girl type always winds up being a hoe in slashers? Is it because they always got what they wanted and they’re bored so they wanna play with balls? Or maybe they’re still looking for Daddy’s approval in other men’s pants? It’s a deep question, one that haunts me day and night. Putting that aside; lets hear it for Tamara! A coke snorting, bitch queen extraordinaire who would rather strip down and frame-f*ck her ancient looking biology teacher (who probably can’t get it up) than open up a book and learn something. A girl from my own heart. The Arrow + Tamara = love!

6- Tina (Camilla More) – Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

You know it must be tough to be a twin. You look alike, so it’s hard to feel like an individual, you’re always compared to your twin and people confuse you. So in Tina’s case, poor little Tina, how is she to stand-out? How is she to say I am my own person dammit! Easy. Be..a… hoe! A hoe that nails Crisping Glover no less! RESPECT! Put that into the ol’ computer!