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Necessary Evil: Alien Vs. Predator Reboot!

04.29.2016by: Mike Catalano

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Welcome back, my friends! Everything went swimmingly with our last Necessary Evil which posed the notion of a huge aquarium gone to Hell! With Alien Day occurring this week, we decided to base today's Necessary Evil on everyone's favorite acid-blooded Xenomorph! The only question was, how do we take it? Another sequel? Another prequel? Nope. Then, the idea struck: what was the one cinematic incarceration of the Alien that truly needed to happen??? The answer is an ACTUALLY GOOD battle on the big screen against the Predator! Let's start this bitch!

IDEA: A brand new reboot of the Alien Vs. Predator series that is neither PG-13 or a piece of shit. Let's give this one the title of AVP: rEVOLUTION.

OUTLINE: First of all, we definitely have a good idea of what NOT to do when making an AVP movie. This reboot will fully embrace an R rating and keep the action fast and intense. The movie begins with the shifty Weyland-Yutani corporation having finally obtained a live Xenomorph test subject. The alien was captured by General Alan Ripley, a human super soldier genetically created by Weyland-Yutani from the DNA of Ellen Ripley. After countless studies and experiments, the corporation is able to clone and genetically alter the Xenomorph species and is now nearing the capability of using the aliens as actual weapons.

With their new Xeno-weapons about to go public, the stock for Weyland-Yutani is going through the roof. The corporation is flourishing beyond its wildest dreams. Because of this, they are looking to expand, however instead of staking a new site on another piece of land, they decide to go MUCH bigger! Not a state, not an island, but a PLANET! That's right, Weyland-Yutani wants its own corporate planet, thus making it the largest and most powerful business in the galaxy. And apparently, it just so happens to have its sights set on a newly discovered planet in the solar system called Yautja Prime.

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General Alan is sent out with a team of soldiers as well as some of the experimental Xenomorphs to do a sweep of the planet and make certain it is ready to be colonized. He is also accompanied by a human-looking android called Bishop II who is programmed with helpful information to help guide everyone through the new planet. They all arrive on Yautja Prime in a huge spaceship and immediately set out to explore. As you can probably guess, they are not the only combative species on this planet...

Yes, Yautja Prime is indeed the home planet to the Predators! General Alan and his team quickly learn that these alien hunters will not give up their home without a fight. Upon realizing how powerful the Predators are, General Alan has no choice but to unleash the Xenomorphs. The new Weyland-Yutani-engineered aliens are implanted with a chip to keep them loyal to humans and come equipped with a few combative upgrades: they secrete tiny sacks of their blood that can be plucked off and thrown as acid bombs, and their tails feature one end as sharp as a knife that can cut through anything. However, the Xenomorphs made one more adaptation unknown to the humans: they are capable of laying eggs!

Once out in the open, the Xenomorphs begin laying eggs that soon hatch, creating many more aliens without the chip implant to protect the humans. Now the humans, Predators, and Aliens clash in a huge fight for Yautja Prime: a planetary battle royale! Once the lines are drawn, Bishop II reveals to General Alan that he was created from the DNA of not just Ripley, but another great warrior... DUTCH SCHAEFER (whose real first name was Alan)! Bishop II also informs him that Weyland-Yutani never intended on colonizing Yautja Prime and the time has come for him to execute his actual, secret mission: capture a live Predator specimen for the corporation to weaponize just like they did with the Xenomorphs!

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WHY IT COULD WORK: How the f*ck could this NOT work?! You've got everything a true fan of both series would love! Insanely weaponized Xenomorphs and bad-ass Predators violently battling to the death on an alien planet! A simple, but effective plot that ties things together. And the combination of both series' most beloved, ass-kicking characters! I'm actually gonna drop the mic right now.

CHARACTERS: We need someone awesome to play General Alan Ripley. Someone with as much brains as brawn. Too bad Chris Pratt is everywhere these days because he'd be perfect. If we could have our dream pick, I'd list Tom Hardy, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Nicholas Hoult, and Daniel Radcliffe as top choices. We also need someone to inhabit the younger Lance Henriksen role of Bishop II. Maybe Paul Dano, Freddie Highmore, or Christopher Mintz-Plasse? The rest of the cast could be a CEO of Weyland-Yutani, a few random employees, and the soldiers in General Alan's army.

CONCLUSION: The more I wrote about this idea, the more feasible it began to sound. The first two AVPs were so bland and insulting to the two original beloved series. AVP: rEVOLUTION really feels like the proper kick in the ass that fans of Alien and Predator have been waiting for. And all that had to be done was set up a vast and palatable battleground backed up by a fun storyline that pays proper homage to the source material. I'm ready for this movie to start happening TODAY!

The only real question now is do you agree? Are you still desperate to see an AVP movie done right? Or do you feel it is a lost (in space) cause? Load up your Gatling-style minigun and start spraying them bullets below! And if you have any ideas that you think should be made into horror reality, let me know at mikecatalano@joblo.com.

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Extra Tidbit: Which actors would YOU want to see take on the roles of General Alan Ripley and Bishop II?

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11:52AM on 05/02/2016
Wow, I would totally give this project a chance though your choices of who should play General Ripley seem a bit young because aren't most Generals 50yrs+? But hey, this is the future and if everyone has DNA of someone from before, then yeah i guess it still works.
Wow, I would totally give this project a chance though your choices of who should play General Ripley seem a bit young because aren't most Generals 50yrs+? But hey, this is the future and if everyone has DNA of someone from before, then yeah i guess it still works.
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7:00PM on 05/05/2016
I got to go Stephen Lang. It might be a little too close to his role in Avatar but I can't think of a better choice.
I got to go Stephen Lang. It might be a little too close to his role in Avatar but I can't think of a better choice.
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4:16AM on 05/02/2016
NOOO WAY. If this does happen, it won't happen for a long time. Fox is still in progress of rebuilding both franchises after the previous AVP mess. Let them crank out some solo films first.
NOOO WAY. If this does happen, it won't happen for a long time. Fox is still in progress of rebuilding both franchises after the previous AVP mess. Let them crank out some solo films first.
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