Awfully Good: Megiddo: The Omega Code 2
Darren Aronofsky's NOAH may take a few liberties with the Bible, but it's still not as big a cinematic sin as…
Megiddo: The Omega Code 2 (2001)
Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Stars: Michael York, Michael Biehn, R. Lee Ermey
Only one man can stop the Antichrist and save the world from Armageddon. No, not Jesus—Michael Biehn.
How come God keeps letting people make terrible movies in his name? You'd think an omnipotent being would smite anyone adapting his works in to soulless mockbusters; however, MEGIDDO: THE OMEGA CODE 2 still happened. I guess that's one argument for free will.
"The guy from DIE HARD 5 is playing Kyle Reese???"
I don't think you need to see the first OMEGA CODE to appreciate this one. I didn't. (Though it stars Casper Van Dien and Michael Ironside, so maybe I should.) It's part prequel and part sequel—following the rise and fall of world leader and future Antichrist Stone Alexander—and, from what I've read, apparently doesn't even bother to adhere to the events of the original movie. MEGIDDO was produced by the Crouch family, who spent $30 million of their own Christian televangelist money to make a faith-based action blockbuster. Unfortunately they decided to hire the director of BMX BANDITS and LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPACE.
Derek immediately regretted inviting Susan to the Fancy Hat Club.
The end product is laughably bad, attempting to tell an epic, decades-spanning, end-of-times story for as little money as possible. They awkwardly insert stock footage of massive crowds the production couldn't afford. There's a shot of Air Force One that's actually from AIR FORCE ONE. And the final battle for mankind is pitifully small, worse than something you'd find on the SyFy Channel. The Chinese army is made up of four or five tanks. The Antichrist boasts of his massive forces, saying "Isn't it exquisite?" and pointing to a blank desert with a couple CG planes. And I'd bet money that they spent most of their budget on a single Michael Bay-style shot that flies over the battlefield ala PEARL HARBOR. (They can't even ape a good Michael Bay movie.)
Harry Potter and Pro-Choice Potion was a bit too heavy handed for younger readers.
The prequel part of the film explains the backstory of Antichrist Jr., in case you needed to see why the Prince of Darkness turned evil. We first meet young Stone as he deals with a bit of sibling rivalry, in this case by setting his baby brother's crib on fire. Instead of having the demon spawn institutionalized, Stone's dad just sends him off to Europe so he can be trained to be a military leader. (Their motto is literally "If you want to win, you have to kill!" Nice work, dad.) Unsurprisingly, he grows up to still be a dick to his father and now teenage brother (played by Chad Michael Murray).
"Mr. Skarsgård is just too damn handsome…"
Cut ahead a few decades and Stone Alexander is now President of the European Union and totally the devil incarnate. This is partially hilarious because he's played by polite British thespian Michael York (perhaps now best known as Basil Exposition in AUSTIN POWERS). York really gets to ham it up here and is one of the highlights of the film, saying things like "Go to Hell!" or "My will be done!" as he shoots Satan lightning from his fingers or coughs up plagues of locusts. (At one point he even addresses a gathering of black people as "My children of Africa.") Cult favorite Udo Kier is also there, dressed like Emperor Palpatine, to organize and plan Stone's evil conquest. He brings along with him some demon puppies made out of black smoke so you know he's seriously evil.
The fire effects may not have been as realistic, but at least the Fantastic Four reboot's Human Torch was better dressed.
On the other side is Michael Biehn, who plays Stone's little brother David, Vice President of the United States, and Supreme Human Emperor of Ass Kicking. (R Lee Ermey is President, in case you were wondering who the hell could rule over Michael Biehn.) Biehn doesn't really have any religious background or intention to save the world. He just really doesn't like his big brother. (To be fair, he did try to burn him alive as a baby.) All that changes though when Biehn walks in to a church and everyone immediately starts touching him and yelling at him to save them. Then in the next scene we get this amazing one-liner: "The Lord giveth…" [cocks gun] "…and the Lord taketh away."
It's nice to see the guy who animated the Scorpion King in THE MUMMY RETURNS is still getting work.
Unfortunately, as we discussed previously, what follows is one of the most boring, poorly filmed battle scenes ever. The only highlight is the end, where Michael York actually turns in to a fully CG Satan. His human body explodes, revealing something that could easily be from that early 90s "Gargoyles" cartoon. He easily defeats everyone and is ready to declare victory when, out of nowhere, God instantaneously kills all the bad guys and sends Satan back to Hell. So… pretty much everything the humans did in the entire movie was pointless since God just saved the day himself. Tell that to Michael Biehn's gaping stomach wound.
Some amazing one-liners and speeches from Michaels Biehn and York.
Watch the Roman Colosseum get destroyed by CGI, Michael York turn in to a demon and other action highlights.
You're going to Hell for even thinking that.
Take a shot or drink every time:
- Michael York talks to God
- Michael York says "Chaos"
- Michael Biehn says something patriotic
- Udo Kier gets screentime
- A plague happens
- You spot the original Django, Franco Nero
- Someone says "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away"
Thanks to Jesse and Joseph for suggesting this week's movie!