VIDEOGAMES-TO-FLIX is a JoBlo.com column showcasing reviews of videogame translations of Hollywood
films (or games soon-to-become Hollywood movies). With both industries getting
closer and closer, and videogames, in general, getting so much more popular, you
knew it was just a matter of time before we hit that stuff!
Our good friends at Destructoid.com have been keeping a running tally of upcoming games-to-flix projects still stewing in the wild. So instead of a review this week, you’ll be getting a two part examination of some of the prominent games-to-flix. DMV stands for Destructoid’s own Dick McVengeance (previous column: LINK!). Hopefully, one of these projects will live up to the promise of its source.
A twisted version of Lewis Caroll’s Alice in Wonderland, the film is set to be directed by Marcus Nispel, whose most recent film is PATHFINDER, while the writers are fresh to the screenwriting scene. Alice is set to be played by Sarah Michelle Gellar.
DMV: After doing some searching on PATHFINDER, the director’s most recent film, there have been some pretty harsh reviews of the film (doesn’t mean that I’m not going to see it). This is making me a lot more wary about how ALICE is going to turn out, but I at least like the casting of Sarah Michelle Gellar as Alice.
Keen: An old game with an old news release. This project is about as dead as a video game adaptation can get. You’re more likely to see DUKE NUKEM FOREVER sooner.
Probability of suck: Moderate
The CASTLEVANIA film is supposed to be set in the classical vampire period, and will be about the start of the Belmont clan’s venture into vampire hunting, and their quest to kill Dracula. Paul WS Anderson will be writing and directing the film, with no actors announced for the project yet.
DMV: I really want to have high hopes for CASTLEVANIA, I do. The thing is, this is Paul WS Anderson, a man who has a track record of bad video game movies (MORTAL KOMBAT, RESIDENT EVIL, ALIEN VS. PREDATOR). Combined with his “vision” for the film, which has killed any hope I have for the film, Seriously, “Dracula Begins”? The tagline sounds pretty crappy, and I have a feeling I’ll be seeing some vampire action that was even worse than Blade.
Keen: I’ve only seen one Paul WS Anderson movie and I liked it. For me, EVENT HORIZON worked perfect and scared the crap out of me. I agree that he’s not the right choice for this movie, but he’s better than Uwe. I’d like to see the Wachowski’s get behind the wheel on this project.
Probability of suck: Moderately High
CLOCK TOWER
CLOCK TOWER 3, which the movie is supposed to based off of, tells the story of a 14-year-old girl who is told to hide by her mother until her 15th birthday passes via a mysterious phone call. When she goes looking for her mother, she ends up in World War II London. This is a different type of survival horror than SILENT HILL or RESIDENT EVIL. In the game, you have to solve puzzles while trying to hide from a stalker who is pursuing you throughout the game.
DMV: I remember reading a strategy guide for CLOCK TOWER back in the day, and to me, it seemed fairly creepy, as the premise was a man chasing you with scissors. Looking at who is doing the work on this project, I have little hope. One of the writers did JASON X. Oh, what a laughable title that was.
Keen: I’ve never heard of this game and, therefore, never played it. A brief scanning of the web says this game is by Capcom and has similarities to SILENT HILL and RESIDENT EVIL. Perhaps this game’s lack of notoriety will help the film find its own voice. Sometimes movies based on games get bogged down by fan expectations and storyline hindrances.
Probability of suck: High
As a Coast Guard member, you head aboard a Russian frigate that’s floating out in the middle of the ocean. Inside are hostile Russians and strange creatures possessing the Russians.
DMV: Reading the description for the game alone, I am rather uninspired by how it sounds, and I wouldn’t pay to even play the game.
Keen: With the movie announced quite a while ago and the game now forgotten, I doubt that this movie will ever be made. It almost sounds similar to the Ashton Kutcher/Kevin Costner Coast Guard flick, THE GUARDIAN. Yep, Kutcher + Costner is quite horrible.
Probability of suck: High
While hunting a serial killer, Ethan Thomas, is trapped in a condemned area of Metro City, with a mysterious phenomena causing many of the area’s denizens to turn into violent killers.
DMV: Sadly, I’m not an Xbox 360 owner, so I’ve never gotten to play CONDEMNED: CRIMINAL ORIGINS, but everything I’ve seen on the game leads me to be creeped out; more so in a RESIDENT EVIL way as opposed to in a SILENT HILL fashion. This will definitely appeal to the American audience because of the bigger focus on heavy violence.
Keen: I wrote briefly about this project last year. This is one of the best games available on the Xbox 360 and is incredibly cinematic in nature. It would be a perfect fit for a new movie and if it turns into a TV show, even better. WB and Sega have been quiet on this project but a guy can still dream, can’t he?
Probability of suck: Moderately Low
One of the more popular first person shooters, DUKE NUKEM carved its way into peoples’ minds by featuring plenty of gore and sex throughout the game. News of the game being adapted to the silver screen came out in 2001, but since then, pretty much nothing. Dimension Films was going to release the film, which was supposed to star The Rock as the main character.
DMV: Anyone want to make a DUKE NUKEM FOREVER joke for me here? Well, this is one of those projects that seems dead in the water, but it’s fun to speculate. Looking at this film, the only conceivable way I could see this working is as an utterly cheesy B-movie flick, complete with bad acting and over the top story. In reality, though, I know it’ll be meant as a hardcore action flick, and will bomb.
Keen: With Bruce Campbell well beyond the age of being an action star, this project doesn’t deserve to be filmed. If it takes them ten years to generate vaporware, imagine how long it will take to a get screenplay written.
Probability of suck: High
This sci-fi adventure tells the story of the UN’s Anti-Terrorist Coalition, and one of its agents getting caught up in an ancient conspiracy that could lead towards world domination. Announced back in 2002, the film seemed to die in 2004, as it’s no longer listed on IMDB
, and there’s been no new news about it.
DMV: I’ve never gotten to touch the DEUS EX games, as evident by my description. From the sound of it, and by the looks of the Wiki entry, this game really doesn’t seem like one that should be made into a movie. I think the plot sounds a bit too cliche for me.
Keen: I’m one of those rare breed that missed out on DEUS EX but fell in love with DEUS EX: THE INVISIBLE WAR. I’d love to see these game made into a movie. They’re steeped in sci-fi lore but well supported by general humanity. The characters in this game would translate well to the silver screen, but might be even better on television.
Probability of suck: Moderate
Currently on hold, this film is the story of a cop who goes undercover as a getaway driver for crime rings. Roger Avary is set to write and direct the film.
DMV: Kill this movie. Now. After Roger Avary ruined SILENT HILL, I have lost all respect for the man and I wish to see this movie buried.
Keen: This game was cinematic from its inception. Borrowing for the ’70s car chase movies, DRIVER is an understandably attractive property. But sometimes revisiting a concept that was pretty much retired thirty years ago can lead to disastrous results.
Probability of suck: Moderately High
ETERNAL DARKNESS tells the story of people who have all encountered the Tome of Eternal Darkness, and must fend off the “eternal darkness.” The film adaptation was announced back in 2003.
DMV: I love playing this game, and I’m actually still in the middle of it. It’d make a damn good movie, but telling the whole story in the span of 2 hours would be rather difficult, since the story encompasses 12 characters. I could see some really neat effects with the speaker system in the theaters, or some interesting trick photography.
Keen: ETERNAL DARKNESS is one of my favorite cult video games from the last generation. It was a GameCube exclusive that unfortunately targeted Mature gamers. Too bad the majority of GameCube owners were more interested in the latest incarnation of Mario Mario. This game tells a fascinating story and brought its story out of the TV and into reality. The sanity effects would be very difficult to duplicate in movie theaters but might be a cool effect on a DVD release. Unfortunately, because this project is years past dead, I wouldn’t expect to see much of anything more than a sequel to the game.
Probability of suck: Moderate
Ex-special forces operative is stranded on a small island filled with mercenaries and genetically mutated primates and humans. Fighting through all this, he must rescue a female journalist and get to the bottom of everything. To be directed by Uwe Boll.
DMV: Why? Why must you try and turn another shooter into a movie, Boll? Just stop it.
Keen: While this movie remains in the clutches of Uwe Boll expect it to completely suck. Its kind of a shame because originally this series had a lot of promise. With Boll on board expect this movie to look like a Skinemax late night sexcapade.
Probability of suck: Bet on it
Miku is searching for her lost brother. She winds up in a mansion where several brutal murders had taken place. Armed with only a polaroid camera, she must take photos of the ghosts trying to attack her to trap their souls in the camera, and find her lost brother.
DMV: There’s one problem that I have with this movie: I feel that it’s concept relies a bit too much on Japanese culture to really gel with American audiences. I mean, it could take the path of THE GRUDGE or THE RING, but it’ll just feel like a bastardization of the original.
Keen: The central idea in this series of games fits well in the genre of horror movies. However, with the glut of horror movies released in the past few years I can’t see this game doing much better than the rest of the pack. With no solid new news on this movie, consider it on ice for the time being.
Probability of suck: Moderately High
Set in a futuristic China, three mercenaries are hired to find the daughter of a wealthy industrialist. The film was originally set to be directed by Uwe Boll, but there is word of Stanley Tong, a Chinese filmmaker, directing this film now.
DMV: Oh dear lord! Not this game! I played it for about 20 minutes, but I couldn’t manage to do so any longer because of the game’s horrific controls. From what I remember about the story it told, the game sounded like it was a sort of BLADE RUNNER knock-off, except with horrible graphics.
Keen: Another Uwe mess bound to be forgotten in no time. Another survival horror game bound to be tarnished by the hands of Uwe. Just move along and forget that this adaptation was ever mentioned. You’ll be much better off.
Probability of suck: High
MY XBOX GAMERTAG:
FRIEND ME!
Follow the JOBLO MOVIE NETWORK
Follow us on YOUTUBE
Follow ARROW IN THE HEAD
Follow AITH on YOUTUBE