The Ten Spot: 10 Great Moments With Condoms
Last week I was listening to Chuck Palahniuk's novel" 'Damned', and the reader mentioned the word "condom". So here we are. I wish all lists were this easy to come up with. However, even though the condom might be the most important invention in human existence, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of time spent on them in the movies. Listen up Hollywood, there's tons of undiscovered hilarity involving prophylactics. Stop with farts and poop for a while (just a while though, don't get crazy) and give us some quality rom-com-con moments. This is the worst advice ever. Let's just do this.
Jake goes to get all his personal items when released on parole. Included is "One unused prophylactic. One soiled." Remember to always have cool shit in your pockets when you're arrested. If I got picked up for something this afternoon I would've had to surrender a loonie, 75 used tissues, 2 soothers, and a Jolly Rancher. Bad ass.
There's nothing spectacularly hilarious about this scene but two things make me laugh every time. The first is when Alan takes the used condom right in the eye and giggles totally out of character, and the other is when Phil pulls the car over after the condom fight and just screams "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Other than that...... gross.
Howard the Duck has an incredibly small duck-penis. Condoms would seem even more mandatory in the duck world, wouldn't you think? I'm pretty sure semen is a bitch to get out of feathers. Why is this a paragraph?
Your daughter does one condom commercial and all of a sudden you're the butt of all the rubber jokes you can handle. The best part is that Murtaugh almost died in 3 of the previous 6 scenes in the movie. His cop buddies still find the time to bust his balls instead of helping him catch any of the bad guys though.
The fact that the Coneheads chew condoms like bubble gum is so stupid it's actually funny. I dare you not to laugh as Beldar blows bubbles and giant pink penis balloons come out of his face. Would used condoms be considered a fruit burst? Sorry.
I think a lot of people have done this type of shit in their life. The greatest part of this whole awkward moment is when he has to read the package to figure out whether or not his balls are supposed to go in too. They are, right?
I've never seen this but, seriously, could I leave it off? I'd love to know why it's so big though. Who's cock was supposed to fit in this thing? Was radiation involved? Is it lubricated? Somebody let me know. I'm not watching it.
So dumb it's funny. This basically describes every scene in the NAKED GUN films. I hate that we had to go through that onslaught of shitty spoof movies a few years ago and the fact that these films get thrown in the mix. They're so much better than they get credit for.
The older this movie gets, the funnier everything about it is. Take this scene for instance. Tommy Turner does everything but rape every girl within 20 feet of him by ramming a giant condom into their crotches. He literally knocks one chick on her ass from the thrust. Dude would be in prison today. And the fact that Ballbricker's nasty naughty zone acts as a deflation device gets me every time.
One of simplest visual gags of all time, and it just happens to be one of the funniest. It's basically the narration of two glowing cocks having a duel in a pitch black bedroom but you can't help but lose it as they flop around and point at each other. This could be the cheapest spin-off film of all time. I'd watch.