Remake these heroes!

Since HULK was remade (rebooted, restarted, whatever you
want to call it) pretty successfully with THE INCREDIBLE HULK, it got me
thinking what other disappointing superhero movies could use the same
treatment. I’m not saying all these movies are terrible, just that they
didn’t live up to their potential and could use another shot.

DAREDEVIL

Michael Clarke Duncan was inspired casting as The Kingpin but
that was about the only inspiring thing about this movie. Star Ben Affleck
and writer/director Mark Steven Johnson both professed to be huge DAREDEVIL
fans, which made this tepid adaptation that much more disappointing.

Who To Direct: DJ Caruso

GHOST RIDER

I swear I’m not piling on Johnson (who also directed this film),
it’s just coincidence that neither of his films did much to wow me.
DAREDEVIL was at least tolerable, but this was just garbage. The Ghost
Rider look wasn’t all bad but they must’ve spent all their attention on him and
forgot about the rest of the effects. And of course there’s Nicolas Cage
who was terribly miscast as Johnny Blaze.

Who To Direct: Gore Verbinski

FANTASTIC FOUR

Perhaps the most disappointing of all the films on this list,
both FANTASTIC FOUR films didn’t just disappoint me, they flat out pissed me
off. The material in the “Fantastic Four” comics is some of the
strongest available yet we were left with such a jumbled mess, I’d almost get
more perverse enjoyment out of Roger Corman’s B-movie crapfest. Chris
Evans as Human Torch was just about the only thing worth salvaging from this
movie. Otherwise, chuck everything and start from scratch.

Who To Direct: JJ Abrams

X-MEN: THE LAST STAND

I suppose it would be difficult to remake an installment in the
trilogy but THE LAST STAND was such a downer after the thrills of the first two
X-MEN movies that I can’t help but wish for a remake. Bryan Singer had
definite ideas for a third movie but Matthew Vaughn and eventually Brett Ratner
were brought on to move the film ahead when Singer left to shoot SUPERMAN
RETURNS. A model for what to do right in superhero movies because a
model for what not to do. Don’t water it down and load it full of
pointless cameos. And please don’t ever give us Beast in a pink costume.

Who To Direct: Bring back Bryan Singer!

CATWOMAN

Not that I’m really dying to see a CATWOMAN movie but the Halle
Berry version was so awfully bad, the character deserves a chance at
redemption. If BATMAN AND ROBIN can yield BATMAN BEGINS, surely CATWOMAN
can yield CATWOMAN BEGINS. My suggestion would be to take the character
much younger to explore her life before Batman. And don’t make her
all goody two-shoes either. Give her that rascally villainous side we know
and love.

Who To Direct: Joss Whedon

THE PUNISHER

I’m aware that the Thomas Jane version is currently being
sequelized but I have no reason to believe that film is going to be any better
than the first (if I’m wrong, I’ll happily retract this statement). But
the PUNISHER movies were so bad I don’t even know where to begin.
Tampa? John Travolta? An explosion shaped like a skull? This
should be the easiest one to make because you don’t need a huge budget.
This can be lo-fi: dark, gritty, grimy, blood and bullets. Don’t
overthink it.

Who To Direct: Joe Carnahan

Got any ideas yourself? Strike back below!