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Whedon's Terminator

11.02.2009

Not too long after news of Terminator being up for grabs, another big name is throwing their hat in the ring. That name is Joss Whedon.

While Whedon states it's not a joke, his open letter is quite hilarious. Here is his introduction and a few things he would do with the franchise:

"I am Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the movie) (or the new series) (or the one where 'hood' was capitalized 'cause it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the 'grapevine' that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands."

1) Terminator... of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far... back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? "Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!" RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he's a cyborg and he doesn't give a s#&% about the ring -- it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he's doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).

2) More Glau. Hey. There's a reason they're called "Summer" movies.

3) Can you say... musical? Well don't. Even I know that's an awful idea.

4) Christian Bale's John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)

5) More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective in going to the past was to get some. What if there's a lot of future-babies that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar -- and dollar signs!

6) The movies will stop getting less cool.

Whedon concludes that the film needs someone with heart, as he feels that the franchise is "plumbing the depths". He also notes that he's seen TERMINATOR more than any other movie while he was in college. Is Whedon qualified? Hell, I'd let him have a stab at it. However, I could be bias as I am a huge fan of all things Joss.

Extra Tidbit: Should the franchise die? Will Cameron buy the rights? So many questions. I'm actually quite anxious to see who wins this one.

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+0
4:48AM on 11/04/2009

No no no no no

The franchise is already wounded badly. Whedon getting anywhere near it will just totally destroy it. He's got the touch of death (that and his ideas are mostly pants)

He ruined Alien, and he'll ruin Terminator. Whedon cannot write for the core audience of Terminator which is 16 - 35 males. He's good at creating well rounded female characters, but he'll either stick an unrealistic lesbian character in (he usually does, it encourages the viewing figures up in immature men) or he'll make the
The franchise is already wounded badly. Whedon getting anywhere near it will just totally destroy it. He's got the touch of death (that and his ideas are mostly pants)

He ruined Alien, and he'll ruin Terminator. Whedon cannot write for the core audience of Terminator which is 16 - 35 males. He's good at creating well rounded female characters, but he'll either stick an unrealistic lesbian character in (he usually does, it encourages the viewing figures up in immature men) or he'll make the male characters so weak that it literally will be the Sarah Connor movie and the Terminator will be tertiary.

The best thing he could do is go back to the first two Terminator movies, watch them, and learn how to create a strong female character role without making all the male characters seem weak, feeble and out of step.
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9:14PM on 11/03/2009
Let it go. Everything Whedon touches is cursed.

It would be sweet to see Cameron make one last film to end the series. Bet he could get a post-governator Arnold to come back for a role too.
Let it go. Everything Whedon touches is cursed.

It would be sweet to see Cameron make one last film to end the series. Bet he could get a post-governator Arnold to come back for a role too.
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7:42PM on 11/03/2009
As with all franchises, there's someone out there who could do something good with it. It could even be Joshie.

And, sure, why not use Summer Glau?
As with all franchises, there's someone out there who could do something good with it. It could even be Joshie.

And, sure, why not use Summer Glau?
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1:34PM on 11/03/2009
Joke or no, I want to see what Whedon'd do with this franchise. Maybe make it good again?
Joke or no, I want to see what Whedon'd do with this franchise. Maybe make it good again?
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+1
1:04PM on 11/03/2009
Ahaha.

If he did a Terminator movie, it wouldn't take long to count the receipts.
Ahaha.

If he did a Terminator movie, it wouldn't take long to count the receipts.
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11:38AM on 11/03/2009
I love Joss, so I say Yay!
I love Joss, so I say Yay!
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10:30AM on 11/03/2009
@Servo

Resurrection was probably pretty badass on paper. Dick.
@Servo

Resurrection was probably pretty badass on paper. Dick.
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10:51AM on 11/03/2009
word...its not like he directed it.
same goes for the Buffy movie...he wrote it, they butchered it...Welcome to Hollywood..only with Buffy, he got the opportunity to prove that the concept was great by making the show.
word...its not like he directed it.
same goes for the Buffy movie...he wrote it, they butchered it...Welcome to Hollywood..only with Buffy, he got the opportunity to prove that the concept was great by making the show.
8:35AM on 11/03/2009

"2) More Glau."

^ This I can agree with, despite not being a fan of Whedon whatsoever.
^ This I can agree with, despite not being a fan of Whedon whatsoever.
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7:36AM on 11/03/2009

wow

filmadict...can you name one terrible show that whedon has created?

also, red...

really?

and furthermore, whedon is not coming off as a douche here...he is poking fun at HIMSELF...

"more glau?"
"even i know a musical is a bad idea?"
filmadict...can you name one terrible show that whedon has created?

also, red...

really?

and furthermore, whedon is not coming off as a douche here...he is poking fun at HIMSELF...

"more glau?"
"even i know a musical is a bad idea?"
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+6
4:07AM on 11/03/2009
Wow. Everyone is hating on him. Not sure I understand why, it's actually hilarious.
Wow. Everyone is hating on him. Not sure I understand why, it's actually hilarious.
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+1
12:59AM on 11/03/2009
The hilarious punchline to this joke is that he wrote Alien: Resurection
The hilarious punchline to this joke is that he wrote Alien: Resurection
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11:55PM on 11/02/2009
I admire the man's sense of humor, and that he seems to be on he same wavelength as most of the fans (no surprise there). Since Terminator IS one of those franchises that takes an outlandish premise and inserts it into a real-world setting, Joss might be at home here, since that's pretty much his thing, too. I believe Cameron has said all he wanted in the Terminator world, and that's all that really needed saying. Even if the third movie was okay. I didn't see 4, or the TV show.
I admire the man's sense of humor, and that he seems to be on he same wavelength as most of the fans (no surprise there). Since Terminator IS one of those franchises that takes an outlandish premise and inserts it into a real-world setting, Joss might be at home here, since that's pretty much his thing, too. I believe Cameron has said all he wanted in the Terminator world, and that's all that really needed saying. Even if the third movie was okay. I didn't see 4, or the TV show.
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10:48PM on 11/02/2009
I should just buy and re-boot it. I guarantee I could write and direct a better film than the last installment.
I should just buy and re-boot it. I guarantee I could write and direct a better film than the last installment.
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10:03PM on 11/02/2009
Whedon comes across as a douche in this.
Whedon comes across as a douche in this.
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9:34PM on 11/02/2009

LOL!

Or not.

This guy's such an irritating, smug little jerk. His faux-whimsy only stretches so far. There's a difference between being clever and being obvious. This letter falls in the latter category. And no, I'm not a "T:S" fan (thought it was average) -- I was really hoping this would make me laugh, but by the second one (really? a Lord of the Rings franchise joke? In 2009?) I was straining to retain interest. And the Summer Glau thing wasn't even remotely funny.

Dude, go back to making
Or not.

This guy's such an irritating, smug little jerk. His faux-whimsy only stretches so far. There's a difference between being clever and being obvious. This letter falls in the latter category. And no, I'm not a "T:S" fan (thought it was average) -- I was really hoping this would make me laugh, but by the second one (really? a Lord of the Rings franchise joke? In 2009?) I was straining to retain interest. And the Summer Glau thing wasn't even remotely funny.

Dude, go back to making terrible TV shows.
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-8
8:48PM on 11/02/2009
The only thing I've ever liked that Whedon did was to direct that fight scene in the bar in Serenity - the fight where Summer Glau is just wearing a flimsy dress, and she looks glazed over and delicate, but she's actually fucking bad ass and way too feline and sexy for words, and.... I just came.

Yeah, other than that, Whedon pumps out garbage.
The only thing I've ever liked that Whedon did was to direct that fight scene in the bar in Serenity - the fight where Summer Glau is just wearing a flimsy dress, and she looks glazed over and delicate, but she's actually fucking bad ass and way too feline and sexy for words, and.... I just came.

Yeah, other than that, Whedon pumps out garbage.
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8:24PM on 11/02/2009

I just think it's great

that he started with, "I am Joss Whedon, mastermind behind Titan A.E.,". Oh Joss....
that he started with, "I am Joss Whedon, mastermind behind Titan A.E.,". Oh Joss....
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7:53PM on 11/02/2009

......

If they want to sell it for 10K, I will buy it today. I will hire a new director and the concept will be mine. I am not joking. I love the franchise and I think all four movies were great. I didn't had any complaint from the TERMINATOR SALVATION at all, it was a good movie.

My concept will be different and new.

If they want to sell it for 10K, I will buy it today. I will hire a new director and the concept will be mine. I am not joking. I love the franchise and I think all four movies were great. I didn't had any complaint from the TERMINATOR SALVATION at all, it was a good movie.

My concept will be different and new.

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7:40PM on 11/02/2009

...

doublepost
doublepost
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7:37PM on 11/02/2009

...

is there confirmation that Whedon did indeed write this...seems to be someone poking fun at both Whedon and the franchise...what's the source?
is there confirmation that Whedon did indeed write this...seems to be someone poking fun at both Whedon and the franchise...what's the source?
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7:39PM on 11/02/2009
i retract...seems to be posted by joss himself on his site
i retract...seems to be posted by joss himself on his site
7:35PM on 11/02/2009

thanks idiot

Joss Whedon does campy garbage. Not one word of this was amusing in any way. So you think the last few movies aren't cool? You think Bale had too gravelly a voice? You made a series out of Buffy the fucking Vampire Slayer you hack.
Joss Whedon does campy garbage. Not one word of this was amusing in any way. So you think the last few movies aren't cool? You think Bale had too gravelly a voice? You made a series out of Buffy the fucking Vampire Slayer you hack.
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8:08PM on 11/02/2009
I used to mock Joss too. I figured, how could the guy behind Buffy and Alien Resurrection possibly have anything good to his name?

Then I saw Firefly and Serenity. And I was converted.
I used to mock Joss too. I figured, how could the guy behind Buffy and Alien Resurrection possibly have anything good to his name?

Then I saw Firefly and Serenity. And I was converted.
10:15PM on 11/02/2009
Yeah,that hack! Turned a lousy movie into a successful tv franchise for 7 years and a spin-off for 5 years and won 34 out of 99 award nominations across the entertainment world. WHAT A LOSER, HUH?
Yeah,that hack! Turned a lousy movie into a successful tv franchise for 7 years and a spin-off for 5 years and won 34 out of 99 award nominations across the entertainment world. WHAT A LOSER, HUH?
-1
7:26PM on 11/02/2009
i think whedon loves his oh so witty writing.
its kinda weird.
i think whedon loves his oh so witty writing.
its kinda weird.
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7:06PM on 11/02/2009
I especially agree with #2. More Summer Glau can never be a bad thing.
I especially agree with #2. More Summer Glau can never be a bad thing.
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6:49PM on 11/02/2009
cameron has openly admitted that the franchise ended with part two. and it did. cameron wasnt into the whole [link] crap. he was into making a good story, and the first two were fine the way they are. after that, they just became a recognizable name and a reason for studios to cash in, no matter how the product turned out. T3 was entertaining but unnecessary and T4 was just dumb and pussified.

and cameron is smart enough to know that the terminator franchise is pointless without arnold.
cameron has openly admitted that the franchise ended with part two. and it did. cameron wasnt into the whole [link] crap. he was into making a good story, and the first two were fine the way they are. after that, they just became a recognizable name and a reason for studios to cash in, no matter how the product turned out. T3 was entertaining but unnecessary and T4 was just dumb and pussified.

and cameron is smart enough to know that the terminator franchise is pointless without arnold.
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6:38PM on 11/02/2009
Whedon would do a kick ass job since he actually cares about and grooms his movie characters. However, this letter kinda throws him out of the race lol..

I'd love to see some young, ambitious director take on this project
Whedon would do a kick ass job since he actually cares about and grooms his movie characters. However, this letter kinda throws him out of the race lol..

I'd love to see some young, ambitious director take on this project
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