BULLET WITCH
Published by: Atari
Developed by: Cavia
System: XBOX 360
INTRODUCTION:
In Bullet Witch, you assume the controls of Alicia, a witch who is uhh…in the
future, as the human race is about to be exterminated by demons. And so, you go
on a quest to take out endless waves of bad guys. Talk about original, huh?
GAMEPLAY:
Ok, so Bullet Witch is a very basic
3rd person action-shooter with a few bells and whistles. First of all, what kind
of a lame, lame name is Bullet Witch anyway? What exactly IS a Bullet Witch? The
logistics just don’t make any sense. Alicia (a terrible witch name if I’ve ever
heard it) is your standard video game chick- huge knockers, skintight outfits,
and lame one liners. Not only that, but she’s sort of timid, where’s all the
attitude? Where!?
As if that inspired bit of characterization wasn’t enough, the game isn’t much
to write home about either. Get this- you DO have a broom, but it shoots.
Bullets. I’m not making this up. You can upgrade it to have it shoot different
bullets, but you can’t fly on it (no, that would be too silly), but you can blow
holes in demons with it. You’ll move along from the countryside to sprawling
urban environments, even ending up in a haunted forest. These environments are
massive and straightforward, and get really old, fairly fast. Just because a
level is big doesn’t mean its fun. The levels are ok, but again, nothing you
haven’t seen before, in better games.
Also, I should mention that there is a little bit of story involved with Bullet
Witch, centering around Alicia’s powers and the bad guys; this story is not well
expounded upon and really seems to have simply been added in as ways to render
monsters and boobs (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And for a witch,
Alicia doesn’t have much magical mastery. She does have a few spells, but you
have to use a ‘magic menu’ to use them, and that menu is just extraordinarily
awful. You have to actually cast spells on certain ammunition to make it work
properly. You do have some awesome huge spells that will rip everything apart-
I’m talking everything around you, and that I admit is very cool. That is, of
course, until you get crushed by some of the debris you just flung everywhere.
Then you die and the game ends.
A lot of your enemies bear strange resemblances to a certain part of the male
anatomy. I’m not lying, play it yourself, it’s absolutely bizarre. They take
massive damage, but just keep on coming in near endless waves. This game isn’t
very good.
Gameplay: 4/10
GRAPHICS:
Alicia is very well rendered- her
boobs bounce and hair flows wildly. The ‘big magic’ effects are impressive too;
the tornadoes and other acts of nature are quite a sight to behold. But the rest
of the game is pretty ugly, with poorly drawn character models, pixilated
environments, and even a bit of pop-up. How pop-up can appear on the XBOX 360 is
beyond me.
Graphics: 5/10
AUDIO:
The music is almost as generic as can be, with heavy metal riffs and orchestral
scores, it’s listenable, but nothing too special. Alicia’s voice work is wooden,
and her dialogue is often so lame. The monsters grunt and groan appropriately,
but this game is not an aural gem.
Audio: 5/10
Audio: 5/10
FINAL VERDICT:
The whole Bullet Witch experience can be summed up as being mediocre through and
through. It’s short, with nothing substantial to offer. I never thought I’d be
saying that Bloodrayne is a superior game than anything else, but Bullet Witch
actually manages to rip off Bloodrayne, and be worse than its predecessor. If
you simply must own every game with a hot girl that you can play with, I urge
you to get Tomb Raider: Legend first, then rent this before it sucks the life
out of you, like a real vampire would.
FINAL SCORE: 4.5/10
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