Reviews & Counting
# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Catherine Hardwicke

Kristen Stewart/Bella
Robert Pattinson/Edward
Billy Burke/Charles
Peter Facinelli/Dr. Cullen
5 10
Angst filled teen chickadee Bella (Stewart) moves in with her 5.0. Dad in the rainy town of Forks where she falls in love with angst filled teen bloodsucker Edward (Pattison). Oh and there’s a bad vampire clan lurking about who causes a ruckus in the last act.
My rapport with TWILIGHT has been similar to most of my relationships with women. It said “wassup” and it got my attention. Then it started nagging at me via hype overload, so I got pissed off and told it to f*ck the f*ck off. Alas it didn’t budge out of my sight, so I broke and banged it silly in every hole, to then find out, much to my surprise, that the ball breaking dame wasn’t that bad of a lay. Story of my life.

If you don’t have a romantic bone in your rotting corpse than stay clear of this “one/two punch” googly-eyes fest because it’s that one bone I own that helped me digest the overdose of syrupy shite that was tossed my way. Yup, I got sucked in and kept in the game by TWILIGHT’s whole misadjusted teen gal falling for the “to vamp or not to vamp” anti hero Edward plot line. The cutesy evolution of their courtship tagged with the strong performances and endearing chemistry Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson put out kept me giving a shit. Something that the script failed to accomplish (more on that below). Moreover, Edward showing off his superhuman abilities to his pouty lipped squeeze made way for a slew of “ahhhhh so sweet” scenes. Think Donner's SUPERMAN but extra light..

Furthermore, the film’s focus on feelings without rationale and being totally enamored for somebody you actually don’t really know managed to appeal to me. I guess it reminded me of when I was in high school. You know; puppy love and shit? Where emotions were strong but the logic as to why didn’t really make sense? It was all about following primal instincts. So this celluloid sucka brought me back and made me miss them simpler good old days. FYI: relationships as an adult suck baboon nuts, cause the picture is much bigger and the responsibilities/expectations/consequences much heavier. Bummer…And big props to all involved for putting out a high school setting that rang true. The teens here felt like real young people even within their limited screen time and stock characters (like the jock, the slut, the nerd, the token wise cracking black broheem) were THANKFULLY avoided. That jive added street-cred to the whole and helped in having the core of the flick hit where it counts.

The same went for the parental figures at hand, namely Billy Burke as the dad who brought class and a sturdy pillar of “adult presence” to this “zit popping” jamboree. His relationship with Bella was one of my fav subplots as it came off as layered and genuine. I kept craving more shite like that. The movie’s eye popping camera work, awe inspiring mountain filled setting, poignant score and money soundtrack kicked bootie too. They often milked out emotional resonance, a key ingredient that was nowhere to be seen on the written page. A lesser director would’ve missed the tug-boat on that one, resulting in quite the vacuous flick. And finally, I did get-down to the seldom, yet still pretty groovy moments of physical action. Although borderline tacky at times, the execution did the trick for the most part… even when the visual effects took the ho-hum highway.

Where TWILIGHT failed me like a faux Viagra pill was in its lumbering and lazy screenplay. The pacing was clunky at best, the narrative line unfocussed and although our teen heroes rang true, the flick went out of its way to avoid TRULY exploring their relationship. Every time the two love-birds really talked, it was via montage type of motifs that had a sweeping camera and booming soundtrack going nuts over their sound-less yapping. That acted as the ‘meat” of the picture! COME ON! I like my steak rare not OVER COOKED. It’s good that I remember puppy love, because its pretty much all the film gave me in terms of the ‘why” behind Bella and Edwards’s “wanting” for each other. The subplot with the “bad” vampires was mis-handled as well. For the bulk of the flick it was barely a glimmer in the main storyline’s butt crack but then all of sudden, it took over the last block and I was supposed to give a hoot. Meh, I didn’t, too obvious and manipulative.

Now that I think of it, if motivation, common sense and character development would have gone beyond the surface throughout I would have given so much more of a damn about this film. But face-value is what and all we got. In addition, lack of overt sexuality and violence hurt the movie. I know its based off a book for very young adults but that doesn't change the fact that if it had pushed the envelope jus a little further, it would've had upped the stake and had more impact. Then there was the random cheesy dialogue and un-intentional laughs in the house (like that new to the fold vamp who brooded so much that I was sure he had a stick lodged up his anal orifice). Nothing that I wasn’t able to “let go of” in the name of a greater good i.e. having a decent time at the movies but it needed to be said. NOTE: It didn’t take me out of the film much but I did notice it non stop. What was up with the numerous and noticeable continuity muck ups here? Whoever edited this needs a lesson in manners and editing! DAMN!

All in all, TWILIGHT wasn’t the excruciatingly painful experience I was expecting to suffer. It was a stylishly shot, well cast "emo" friendly love story that harmlessly toyed with vampire conventions (vamps sparkle in the sunlight here — why the fuck not). I can totally see why teen girls are going ga-ga-goo-goo for it. The “hawt” lead duder with feminine features and messy hair aside, it’s a flick that promotes “idealistic romantic love”, something we all crave to some degree yet don’t see often on the screen now of late. So yeah, I saw TWILIGHT and survived it! WILL YOU?
Light blood here and there and SUGGESTIONS of violence. Nothing graphic here!
Kristen Stewart (Bella Swan) was credible and endearing in her tough/vulnerable show. Dug her the most! Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen) felt awkward at first; then again he was playing a love struck vampire - what are the rules to play that kind of role again? He eventually came into his own and gave a likable performance. Billy Burke (Charlie Swan) was the bomb as the low key but ever feeling father. Peter Facinelli (Dr. Carlisle Cullen) did what he had to do. He looked ridiculous for a while there but that was due to the overabundance of white makeup they greased his face with. I only mention Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen) because she was cute as a button and that little kick she did when throwing a baseball turned me on for reasons unknown.
T & A
Does teen cleavage and Kristen Stewart in her undies count? It did for me. I hung onto whatever I could find man.
Catherine Hardwicke’s indie roots played in her favor here. Her grounded and matter of fact approach in terms of the character interactions made them feel more real than the norm. Hey eye also gave depth to a film that didn’t have much of it. She also handled her more “effect heavy” bits admirably.
We get a poignant score that gave the images meaning and a tight soundtrack with the likes of Muse, Paramour, Linkin Park and Mute Math on the mike. All bands that I dig.
I can see TWILIGHT appealing to peeps that dig BUFFY and ANGEL. Much like the aforementioned genre TV Shows (who are much smarter and well put together than Twilight by the way), this jar of lovey-dovey marmalade delivered two hours of somewhat endearing, horror inclined, character driven, soap opera-ish dramatic and uber romantic schtuff. The fine actors, the wow setting, bang-on music and the polished directing style made it worth a gander for this jerk. Hopefully they’ll get a screenwriter that knows how to expand BEYOND THE SURFACE and an editor that’s kicked his cocaine habit for the sequel. The film had its base down pat, but so could’ve gone further. Truth be told, I now OFFICIALLY can’t wait to see PUNISHER WAR ZONE. I need something a little more virile to wash this Tampon friendly genre bon-bon down with. BRING IT!
Author Stephanie Meyer has a cameo in the film in the restaurant scene.

Henry Cavill was Stephanie Meyer's first choice to play Edward but by the time they shot the film he was too old to play a 17 year old.

Kristen Stewart had to wear brown contact lenses for the film because she has green eyes and the character has brown eyes.