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Awfully Good: Sharknado 2

 

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)

Director: Anthony C. Ferrante
Stars: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Vivica A. Fox

Fin and April, the survivors of the first sharknado, head to the Big Apple to try and rekindle their romance, only to find that more sharks have taken up temporary residence inside inclement weather.

For those of you who thought SHARKNADO would be a one hit wonder, the sequel thrashed that theory in the first ten minutes. The opening sequence for the anticipated SyFy original movie featured homages to the TWILIGHT ZONE and AIRPLANE (with a Robert Hays cameo to boot), Wil Wheaton and Kelly Osborne getting decapitated by sharks inside an aircraft, Tara Reid firing a gun at a shark while hanging outside of said plane, and Ian Ziering piloting and crash-landing a 747 with no flying experience. Like I said—any doubts erased.

SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE is essentially more of the same, with a little more money and a lot more "star" power behind it. You can't go 10 seconds without a cameo from whatever random, C-list celebrity happened to be hanging around set for craft services. See if you can possibly spot a pattern here: Matt Lauer, Al Roker and Kelly Ripa as themselves; Andy Dick as a cop; Billy Ray Cyrus as a doctor; Taxi star Judd Hursch as a taxi driver; 30 Rock's Judah Friedlander as a guy with an oversized baseball bat; Richard Kind as a man who hits a shark home run for his dead dad; rapper Biz Markie as a stabby pizza shop owner; and Perez Hilton, Jared from Subway and Shark Tank's Daymond John as random shark fodder. And that's not even all of them!

Ian Ziering's character Fin is now famous from the events of the first movie. He's a little angry at being thrust in the spotlight thanks to April (Tara Reid)'s book "How to Survive a Sharknado," but he's willing to give their relationship a shot. Unfortunately, a second sharknado has other plans for them. Once the fish-filled storm hits New York City, Fin must go to Mets Stadium to rescue his newphew and brother-in-law (played by Sugar Ray singer Mark McGrath). That wouldn't be so bad except he's Fin's former best friend and he hates the guy for sleeping with his sister.

Around this time, the film turns in to SHARKNADO TAKES MANHATTAN and the pace slows down a bit (though there are still fun parts throughout). Fin hooks up with his family and former "chocolate blast from the past" played by Vivica A. Fox. They escape from Mets Stadium as it's destroyed by sharks, the subway as it's destroyed by sharks (yes, they took the subway), and a New York pizzeria as—well, you get the point. They attempt to recreate the ending from the first movie and use a slingshot to fire homemade bombs in to the Sharknado, but this time there are two twisters and they only succeed in creating flaming sharks to fall on people.

There's also a pretty pointless subplot involving Fin's sister (Kari Wuhrer) and her friends that's only notable for the part where someone attempts to use a stun gun on a shark, as well as this sentence that I never thought I'd write: Pepa from Salt-n-Pepa gets crushed by a shark while she's riding a bicycle. Tara Reid, meanwhile, has literally nothing to for the majority of the movie except sit in the hospital with Billy Ray Cyrus. (I'm guessing none of the other cast were willing to work with her.) They give her a random child to save but that lasts thirty seconds before she pawns her off on someone else and just continues to make her stupid Botox-numbed face to the camera.

Eventually, everybody comes together at the Empire State Building to defeat the sharknado until the next sequel. Despite admittedly only having minutes until certain doom, Fin delivers a long, epic speech that rivals Mel Gibson's dialogue from BRAVEHEART ("I know you're scared. I'm scared too. They're sharks. They're scary."). Then he proceeds with his plan to use the building's lightning rod to blow up a Freon tank and freeze the storm and the sharks. I really don't want to spoil what happens next, because the ending to SHARKNADO 2 is truly something you need to experience visually. I'll just say a shark is ridden, someone attaches a circular saw to their hand, and a gun and ring are found in an unlikely place. By the time the army of random New Yorkers started throwing loose chainsaws in to the twister, I was squealing with glee. I have no idea how the third movie can possibly top this, short of getting Richard Dreyfuss to star.

Overall, the second SHARKNADO is a really fun B-movie, made better by the weird cultural phenomenon and community of fans it's built. Everyone (especially Ian Ziering) is having a blast and totally in on the joke, which makes it easier to enjoy the ride.

"You know what you just did don’t you?" 
"Don’t say it." 
"You jumped the shark."

"The next time you offer to lend a hand, just don't be so literal about it."

"Oh, I've flown worse." – Robert Hayes, flying an airplane

"Just tell me one thing—What's the inside of a shark smell like?"

"If anyone's gonna play me in a movie, it's gonna be me." 

"If it keeps flooding this buildings gonna fill up like a fish tank." 
"Except these goldfish have big teeth."

"The hotel is flooding, the water is rising. Why are you going down?"
"Flaming sharks!"

"This is going to be the highest concentration of sharks. That's where they're going to be falling the heaviest. We're talking about shark falling rates of 2 inches per hour. So those sharks are really going to pile up." – An actual person from the Weather channel

"I know you're scared. I'm scared too. They're sharks. They're scary. No one wants to be eaten. But I've been eaten! And I'm here to tell you it takes a lot more than that to bring a good man down. A lot more than that to bring a New Yorker down." [immediately cuts incoming shark in half] 

 

Ian Ziering perfectly slicing a shark in half in slow motion

Tara Reid barely being able to sign her name

Matt Lauer and Al Roker explaining the science of the sharknado as if it were real

Ian Ziering playing Frogger on a swarm of sharks

Richard Kind hitting a home run in Mets Stadium

A black guy being the only one to survive a falling shark attack

Flaming sharks!

Vivica A. Fox using her KILL BILL sword skills on a shark

The entire ending

 

You'll have to wait for the inevitable SHARKNADO porn parody for that.

Take a shot or drink every time:

  • A celebrity gets killed
  • Another creature from the sea is featured
  • Matt Lauer and Al Roker stop by for an update
  • There's a reference to another film (double if it's a Broadway musical called QUINT)
  • Someone listens to Asylum Radio or wears an Asylum hat
  • The Statue of Liberty defies physics
  • Someone hits a home run

Double shot if:

  • The movie literally jumps the shark

Seen a movie that should be featured on this column? Shoot Jason an email or follow him on Twitter and give him an excuse to drink.

Extra Tidbit: In case you missed our Comic Con coverage of the SHARKNADO 2 panel, the original idea came from the creators trying to come up with the most ridiculous title imaginable. It came down to two candidates: SHARKNADO and LAVA BIRDS. I want to see LAVA BIRDS so bad.
Source: JoBlo.com

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