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Golden Globes wrap-up


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Pictures & Captions: Part 1 / Part 2

Another year, another night for us to wonder why on God's green earth we all care so much about what a bunch of foreign journalists have to say about our favorite movies and TV shows. I mean, seriously!

It's all good that everyone has a right to their opinion and shit, but after the Oscars, the Golden Globes are apparently "the" awards show that matters, but to me it just seems like a whole bunch of glad-handing, and drinking and eating. Nothing wrong with the drinking and eating, of course (specifically, the drinking), but am I the only one who's majorly turned off whenever they show a shot of the audience and there are dozens of people walking around, talking to each other, people grabbing food off each others' plates and shit? I mean, c'mon folks, Drew Barrymore is trying to remember her place at the monitor on stage, man...cut the chick some slack, Jack!

It kinda reminds me of my cousin's wedding, only Brad Pitt and Angie didn't show up, and my uncle Boghos ended up with his balls over another Jewish comedian, but that's a whole other story for a whole other day. As for the show itself, how was it? Honestly, it was pretty "meh". Other than BABEL winning for Best Picture, there weren't too many surprises (actually, even that one wasn't that big of a surprise) and the only semi-moment of interest was when Prince won an award, but wouldn't go up on stage, which left presenter Justin Timberlake (also known as the man with his "Dick in a Box") standing around like a deer caught in headlights -- turns out that he was caught in traffic.

Oh yeah, I also felt bad for Forest Whitaker as he went completely speechless after his jolly romp on to the stage after winning Best Actor (and I mean, literally, the man could not speak!!), and Tom Hanks because he's decided to keep his goofy haircut from THE DA VINCI CODE, but also added on a ton of non-flattering weight...to his chin!!

In the end though, I watch these shows mostly for the hotties and they were out in full force this year including my babe-licious, Salma Hayek, as well as sexpots like Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jennifer Lopez (and now for all of the non-Jennifer-named hotties), Jessica Biel, Kate Winslet, Isla Fisher, Brad Pitt and so many others. Anyway, sadly it doesn't look like the Oscars will be any more exciting, especially in the "Best Actor" and "Best Actress" categories, which are pretty sewed up by Whitaker and Mirren respectively, as is "Best Director" for Marty Scorsese (unless the Oscar folks are complete and utter morons at this point), so allow me to kill some time in between this show and that one, with a few notes that I made during this foreign showcase. Not necessarily "funny notes", but things that make you go....hmmmmmm (shout-out to Arsenio for that one). And we're off!!!

- Tom Hanks overdid it on the "balls" speech about Warren Beatty. Remember Tom, after a while, it's just not funny anymore.

- What the shit was Reese Witherspoon doing on the Nicholson/Beatty/Hoffman table?

- Am I the only one who thought the Justin Timberlake "acting short" joke when accepting Prince's award for him was very out of line? The man's likely influenced the shit out of you, white boy, and a "short joke" is the best you got!

- Salma Hayek is gorgeous. That's it for now.

- I know Clint Eastwood is God and everything, but did they really have to give him the FOREIGN LANGUAGE award as well? For f*ck's sakes, Guillermo del Toro deserved that sucker!

- I stopped counting the number of times the camera featured Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, but I have to admit, they're f*ckin' gorgeous! I wish *I* was Shilo, dude...I wish I was Shilo (whatever that means).

- Jennifer Hudson's speech was one of the most heartfelt of the night, while Eddie Murphy's was one of the least heartfelt. Hey Eddie, people are saying you're a "great actor" and you've been making talking animal movies for the past decade or so. Be happy, dude, and stop busting Scary Spice's balls, you jerk.

- Hugh Laurie is a very very funny man. Give him a shot at a comedy!

- In how many movies did Helen Mirren play a queen this year? Is she really that great an actress if she's playing the same character over and over? Kate Winslet should have won for her nakedness in LITTLE CHILDREN alone...and her awesome performance, of course.

- I really wanted Ben Affleck to win for Best Supporting Actor, man. That dude's received way more crap than he deserves. Keep the chin up, dude...everything that goes around, comes around.

- I know this may sound a little insensitive, but Jeremy Irons looked like he had passed away about 3 years ago. Yikes.

- And what was that the lead singer of the Funky Bunch doing sitting at Martin Scorsese's table? Wow...how far we've come, young man, how far we've come. Goo-ood vibrations!!

- I wanna nail Jack Nicholson's daughter, is that wrong? Well, unless she's not over 18, of course, in which case, I wanna nail her in about 3 years time!

- How did Seal end up with super-hottie Heidi Klum again? Oh yeah, he sings for a living. Groan. F*ck me, I can't carry a tune.

- Why did they keep showing Emily Blunt so much all night? Granted, she played a decent side-kick in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, but relax, folks...it wasn't exactly a massively intricate part ("That's right, sniffle some more and act bitchy.")

- Even though Tim Allen sucks the big one, it was damn cool of him to give Tony Shalhoub a shout-out for his awesome turn in the underrated GALAXY QUEST.

- Is Cameron Diaz getting ugly or is it me? (and don't tell me that she's always been ugly, because she was hot in THE MASK!)

- Did I mention that Salma Hayek is gorgeous? Hmmmm, well, either way....let me say it again! The woman has looks that are NOT ugly, my friend.

- Forest Whitaker, great actor, but...yipes, caught absolutely speechless on stage after winning. It's cool, dude...you'll always be GHOST DOG to me, dawg.

- The great Guillermo del Toro gets a "shout-out" from fellow Mexican director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu after winning Best Picture for BABEL. Cool shit!

- I kinda missed George Clooney and his "I love to drink" jokes at this year's award ceremonies. He was sorta replaced with shots of Leonardo DiCaprio looking dapper, but it wasn't the same.

- Am I the only person that's sick of Arnold Schwarzenegger constantly using that stupid "I'll be back" line for everything he does. Enough, already, dude...the joke stopped being funny in early '92.

- I'm so glad that Sasha Baron Cohen got up as "himself" to accept his award for "Best Comedic Actor". It's cool to keep that mystery for BORAT and all, but when it comes to accepting praise, you gotta grab that yourself, blood. Great speech and even GREATER side-burns!!!

- I think Beyonce was the only nominated person from DREAMGIRLS not to win an award. Yipes! Looks like Jennifer Hudson's gonna pay for that one, Jay-Z style!

- Last and certainly not least, where the shit was Jessica Alba, yo?! The girl was the bomb in SIN CITY! (yeah, I know it was a 2005 film, but have you seen these pictures? My thoughts exactly!!)

See ya at the Oscars, folks! (nominees to be announced on Tuesday, January 23rd, winners to be announced on Sunday, February 25th) And vote for your own personal favorites via the www.goldenschmoes.com.

Source: JoBlo.com

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