The episode of Best Horror Party Movies covering The Mean One was Written, Narrated/Hosted, and Edited by Mike Conway, Produced by John Fallon, and Executive Produced by Berge Garabedian.

From the star of the Terrifier series, the writer of Beauty and the Beast Enchanted Christmas, and the director of a Powerpuff Girls fan film, comes a horror-spoof take on a Christmas classic. Join JoBlo Horror as we take you to Newville with The Mean One (watch it HERE).

Welcome to our horror party, kids, where we take some horror films and make a fun game out of it. I’m Mike Conway and today we are celebrating the holidays and spreading some Christmas fear with The Mean One, released in 2022. The Mean One follows Cindy You-Know-Who, who, as a child, witnesses her mother get murdered by a green monster in a Santa costume. Now, twenty years later, Cindy returns to her childhood home of Newville, a quiet little mountain town that doesn’t decorate for Christmas. But soon, her mother’s attacker returns to terrorize the town and ruin the holidays once again. With no one believing her, it’s now up to Cindy to stop her childhood monster.

So, what type of party is this movie? Well, according to our scale, this may be dryer than an overcooked roast beast. So, let’s crank it up a notch and pick your poison. Please note that I’m going to spoil the hell out of this movie. So if you want to go in clean, watch the movie and come back to this video. Is this flick a worthy entry amongst the trend of horrified versions of children’s tales? Or does David Howard Thornton carry this entire film on his back like a giant sack of toys? Let’s party and find out.

As with any game, there are some basic rules you must follow. Keeping in line with horror tropes, take a drink when: Someone drinks or does drugs, Someone screams, When there is a jump scare, When a car won’t start, When there is a clumsy escape, And finally with any kill.

If you are a more advanced partier, add these modifications to your list: When the fake Anthony Hopkins narrates, When Mean One is mentioned, With any Dr Seuss references, With any bad CGI.

If alcohol isn’t your bag, there are plenty of other things to choose from. Cannabis if legal in your state, delta 8, 9, 10, or whatever the hell number they’re at now, caffeine, hot sauce, anything. Just know your tolerance. This is supposed to be fun; we don’t want to send you to the hospital. Basically, don’t be a dumbass.

The movie opens with probably some stock footage from Pond5 of the lovely snowy town of Newville. Here, we get a little fun narration from a not Anthony Hopkins, reminding us of the classic tale we all know. However, it is then revealed to us that story was a bunch of WHO-ey, and the following story happened for real, yall. As a fake Santy Claus steals some presents, little Cindy You-Know-Who sneaks down to take a peek. After she kindly gives him her necklace, Cindy’s mom pops in and immediately beats the living hell out of him with a big-ass nutcracker. No questions asked. She gets knocked down, and a very CGI needle pierces her in the throat. Killing the mom in front of Cindy. DRINK

Nearly 20 years go by, and Cindy and her dad dutch tilt their way back to the town of Newville. She hasn’t been back since the death of her mom, but her therapist thinks it would be good for her to get some closure. Yep. That’s a library. Upon arrival, they get pulled over by the police. The dad then fixes himself up to look pretty for the officer. Turns out, there’s a law in Newville that prohibits any Christmas decorations, including the decorations on the car. After a little flirtation, he sends them on their way, and we also find out this mountain town is in California.

Later that night, when they arrive at her old house and are welcomed by a bat JUMP SCARE, Cindy’s dad promises to rid her inner demons by adding some good ol holiday cheer. Cindy then goes to sleep, where she has a nightmare of a very familiar-looking hand reaching out to grab her. And before you ask yourself how this house is clean and completely furnished after 20 years, her dad busts in with a baseball bat like he was Dewey from Scream. Honestly, this was the first time I realized this was her dad. Up to this point, I thought he was a very old and creepy boyfriend.

The next morning at a diner, we are introduced to Mayor McBean who is up for reelection. DRINK Her name is a deep-cut reference from Sylvester McMonkey McBean from The Sneeches and Other Stories. And if you know that character, then there’s a good chance this mayor could be McMean. The deputy, whose name we still don’t know, comes in with the sheriff to chat with Cindy. Turns out, the sheriff was on the scene the night her mother died. The dad then busts in the diner demanding why this is basically the Christmas version of the Footloose town because nothing is festive. So, the dad takes it upon himself to holiday cheer his home up in a pretty cute sequence as they decorate. With this kind of dance move, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wore white New Balances and was a Mean One on the grill. After Cindy takes out the trash, the door suddenly slams shut and locks. She thinks it’s a joke at first, until she sees her dad slammed against the glass. He is then stabbed through the back of the head by a pole and all the Christmas decorations disappear just as fast as they put them up. Don’t worry, Cindy, he’s definitely not going anywhere… now. DRINK

She suddenly wakes up in the room of a hospital that’s complete with a very real-looking red fish and blue fish DRINK. The deputy shows up to try to once again get his mack on while McBean rolls in to promote her election. They all assure Cindy she is crazy and trying to stir up fears of the past like you do with any trauma patient. The deputy is now getting desperate and takes her home, but she tells him she’s leaving town. This is also where the filmmakers realized they never mentioned his name. He also gives us his best Billy impression from Scream.

Cindy then gets to staining the hardwood floors when she finds a rare flower that can be found in the Newville mountains, which sets her off on a quest to track down the killer. While taking photos with the camera this film was probably shot on, she ends up being a peeping tom spying on a couple kissing under a mistle toe. What the couple doesn’t realize is that a monster is standing just feet away from them. It attacks the couple and we finally get a good look at the titular character. When the police and ambulance arrive, they ask the woman if she got a good look of the attacker, but just like Culkin in My Girl, she couldn’t see without her glasses, only making poor little Cindy look even more nuts. But does that stop her? Hell no. With the only comically blurry photo she has of the monster, she places fliers around town, which only upsets the mayor even more.

Meanwhile, a bus full of Santa bros pulls into town and makes a stop at the diner. However, their date rapey vibes are quickly cut short once The Mean One shows up in the film’s most entertaining scene. I just want to give major props to actor David Howard Thornton here. His performance as The Grinch – sorry, the Mean One is pretty impressive and very fun to watch. I only wish they gave him some dialogue to work with instead of being another silent killer. But I digress. Even though, this diner serves no alcohol, crack open your beverage and party down to the high body count of the santa bros. DRINK

Later that night, it pays a stop to Cindy’s house, but it quickly scared away by an old santa claus looking fella who goes by the name Dr. Zeus. Get it? DR ZEUS?? The pair head up to the local bar where he gives Cindy the skinny on the monster. “His name is…” Cute. Cindy takes this info back to the cops and asks them to search the mountain for The Mean One’s lair, but since they have no jurisdiction of the federal land, they won’t touch it. But that doesn’t stop Deputy Burke from checking it out. Oh The Places you’ll go for love. Down in the lair, Burke finds the wallets from various missing persons from over the years and a cute little reindeer plushie that starts playing a Christmas jingle. This alerts the mean one as he carries a fresh body inside his home. But that clever cop gets one up on the monster and hides under a blanket until it goes away.

After seeing the lair and having a run in with Dr Zeus, Burke meets up with Cindy to let her know she isn’t crazy. Which makes her have a dream about him. Sure. Why the hell not? Let’s add a random sexy shower scene in this flick.

Cindy decides enough is enough and opens up her Linda Hamilton book of kicking ass to prepare for her fight with her monster. After her lengthy montage, Burke shows back up to show Cindy all the photos from the missing persons with the monster photo bombing them all, and how they all visited a site for the Newville Mountains. Who is the site run by? The mean Mayor McBean. And pay she does. Because while driving, her car randomly stops and blasts christmas music, which sends The Mean One her way to make sure she stays…a head in the election polls. Damn. Turns out she and the sheriff were in cahoots when it came to the mean one. Ever see Willy’s Wonderland? You know how the sheriff in that film lured people to the animatronics as sacrifices to stop a killing spree in the town? Same thing here.

So deputy Burke decides, once again, to head back up the mountain. Only this time he intends to deliver The Mean One his final present. However, he falls into the lair and gets caught in a bear trap. The sheriff’s heart grows a few sizes and rescues his new deputy. He then decides that he himself is going to save the day. DRINK. Damn. They all haul ass to Cindy’s house where she turns on all the Christmas lights, you know, the ones The Mean One stole…yea she got those back. This lures him to her home where he sneaks up on her while she’s sleeping on the couch, but surprise! A full-on battle ensues between Cindy and the mean one. And just as she’s about to strike down on him, she sees the necklace she gave him when she was little. The Mean One never intended to harm anyone, but after Cindy called him a monster, it changed him. She tells him he is forgiven for everything and gives him a kiss on the cheek. What happened next? Well, in Newville they say, the Mean One’s Heart grew three sizes that day. But, in a pretty clever twist, this ends up making his heart explode, killing the gr…GREEN BITCH.

The movie ends with the not so snowy mountain town of Newville finally getting to celebrate Christmas. Burke finally gets the girl and all is well. YA HOO… yea, whatever the fuck that means.

And that’s it! How’d you do out there? The Mean One came out to a limited release in 2022 and was just released in 2023 on VOD. Look, it may sound like I trashed this movie, but it’s one you can have a good time with friends and a few drinks. I can honestly think of worse things you can spend your 90 minutes with. It gained very poor reviews, to which director Steve LaMorte went to the socials asking for folks to give a good review since the film has apparently been review-bombed by people who haven’t even seen it. Well, I’ve seen it three times now for this video. So let’s go straight to IMDB!

Merry Christmas, Stevie LaMorte!

A couple previous episodes of the Best Horror Party Movies series can be seen below. To see more, and to check out some of our other shows, head over to the JoBlo Horror Originals YouTube channel – and subscribe while you’re there!