Face-Off: Friday the 13th Part VI Vs. Friday the 13th Part VII

Part VII’s Jason is now basically a full-on undead monster, brandishing skeletal bones at his back and a hardcore mean streak. He’s even more buff in this one as Kane Hodder took over the duties behind the mask. However, now Jason seems to merely come off as dull hulk, offering little to no flair in the killing department. Even worse, he looks quite comical when his face is revealed, resembling a rejected creature from one of Sam Raimi’s Evil Deads. Plus, he basically is no match for the tiny, telepathic girl battling him.

Lar Park-Lincoln’s “Tina” is a scream queen like no other with her Carrie-esque telekinetic powers, making her a very worthy adversary for Jason. And her “wounded bird” back story really gives us a character to root for at a time when audiences were now on Jason’s side. She really gives us a quite a show at the end while battling Mr. Voorhees, utilizing her mind skills to the extreme. Jason may have had the muscle, but she definitely had the brains.

First off, if the kills in Part VII weren’t so viciously editing down by the MPAA, it may have went down in history as the Jason movie with the best gruesome kills period. The gore he spills through the use of a machete, pointed objects, gas-powered garden tools, and his hands could have been so damn epic. Instead, we are mistreated to a number of careless cutaways right before any true money shots. There is one fun beating of a babe in a sleeping bag (but the uncut version was way better).

As if it learned something from Part VI, Part VII ups the hot, naked chick quotient quite nicely. Miss Heidi Kozak is wonderfully sexy as a horny hottie who loves getting it on and going skinny dipping. And she’s got one hell of an ass. Then we have the wonderfully stacked redhead, Elizabeth Kaitan, who shows us her ample bosom a number of tasty times. Wonderful! And even though she doesn’t get naked, Susan Jennifer Sullivan is a bitchy blonde goddess as “Melissa”.

Okay, Tina and Jason go head to head in this epic telekinetic versus undead psycho battle. She’s attacking him with tree branches, electrocuting him, bringing roofs down on him, and setting him on fire. Jason keeps coming. She is now cornered on the dock and he is about to strike. What does she do? Well, duh! She resurrects her dead father from the bottom of the lake, who then drags Jason down to the murky depths. Here’s why this is awful: 1. We are supposed to believe that Tina’s father’s body was never retrieved and buried. 2. Her father has been dead at the bottom of this lake 7 years. When she resurrects him, he looks perfectly normal save for some soot marks on his face. What the f*ck?! Screw budgetary costs! If the dad doesn’t look like some waterlogged zombie, the filmmakers are giving Jason fans the biggest insult since the ending of Part VIII.