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It's the Booze Talkin': Do we really need another Hatchet movie?

Mar. 26, 2013by: Ammon Gilbert

A few years back, horror fans were given quite a treat: some old school American horror by the name of HATCHET, featuring a grotesquely deformed mass of murdering muscle trudging through the swamp and slaughtering bitches left and right in new and imaginative ways. Director Adam Green went the 80s route of slasher horror and gave us a new character to cheer for, as if mass murderer Victor Crowley was nearly as cool and menacing as Jason Voorhees. And maybe he was the first time around, but HATCHET II ended up being such a bore and killed any momentum or interest the Crowley character stirred in me the first time around, and made sure that we never needed another entry in the series. But hot f*ck was I wrong, as the teaser trailer for HATCHET III launched last week to receptive genre fans everywhere except me. Cause I could give two flying f*cks about this or any other movie starring deformed freak of nature, Victor Crowley.

Im all about slasher franchises and think its an area of cinema sourly missing from todays constant array of new releases. Sure, we had the SAW franchise knocking one off every October, replaced by the PARANORMAL ACTIVITY movies but neither are slasher franchises. Im not asking for more FRIDAY THE 13THs or NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREETs (though thatd be awesome), but someone new for this generation to cheer for. And Victor Crowley isnt that someone. Yes, the first one was decent enough: had a good set up, took place in a spooky swamp, featuring plenty of awesome kills, and the killer was one to be reckoned with. But HATCHET II pissed everything the franchise had going for it away in a pile of steaming defecation.

I guess its the whole been there, done that feel the movie had going for it. Were given more background around the events of Crowley, but nothing we hadnt seen in Part 1 and nothing we needed to see to give a shit about the character. Were set back in the same swamp just hours/days after the first massacre, which I can sorta get behind if the events that followed were (more or less) exactly like the events that preceded it. And to hell if I know exactly what was missing, but there was something just gone from PART II that the first one had. Class? No Charm? Maybe Entertaining qualities? Yeah Hard to pinpoint exactly what the dealio was with PART II but that shit rubbed me the wrong way and killed any chance of me caring about the franchise ever again. And apparently, the same was said for director Adam Green himself, as he stepped down from the directors chair for PART 3 (but stayed on as producer and writer, so go figure).

Heres my thing: theres been way better movie maniacs over the last decade that would have all been better franchised characters to build off of, and yet we seem to only be stuck with Crowley as the one that keeps going back to the well. You know what I want? Another Harry Warden movie. Thats right, the masked miner with love issues from MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D would be a way better killer to build a franchise off of. They set the first movie up for a sequel, why the eff havent they made it already? You know it must have made more bank than HATCHET ever could have imagined, and I doubt it cost that much to make so what gives? Give me a new Harry Warden movie any day of the week before giving me another borefest with Victor Crowley charging through the swamp (yet again) knocking off people that should never be in the swamp in the first place (yet again). Its boring already, lets move on!

Maybe its the booze talkin, but I just dont care about the HATCHET franchise or Victor Crowley. HATCHET 3 (check out the trailer below) appears to be pretty much the same f*cking thing all over again, but this time with a SWAT Team in the swamp? That doesnt even make sense. Danielle Harris also returns to put an end to the curse oy. Im already bored just thinking about where this movie is going probably because the HATCHET series is so been there, done that and where its been before wasnt all that awesome to begin with. Give me another MY BLOODY VALENTINE, or better yet, go back to the drawing board and give us a new movie maniac to root for time and time again, because Victor Crowley isnt cutting it.

Extra Tidbit: Am I the only one here? Do you love the HATCHET movies or could you care less?

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4:13AM on 04/07/2013
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet before saying it's the "same old shit" that's just being lazy.
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4:11AM on 04/07/2013
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet before saying it's the "same old shit" that's just being lazy.
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4:09AM on 04/07/2013
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet before saying it's the "same old shit" that's just being lazy.
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4:06AM on 04/07/2013
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet
I REALLY don't get all the hate for Hatchet 2, yeah it wasn't as good as the first, but it was still bloody good fun, and I really don't see such a problem with a Hatchet 3, (which looks really fun)you sound incredibly narrow-minded by judging it before even giving it a chance. Your reasoning is extremely poor, overall this columns was just plain embarassing to read through.

Just cause you weren't a fan of Hatchet does not mean there was no demand for it. I think you should watch Hatchet before saying it's the "same old shit" that's just being lazy.
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5:36PM on 03/26/2013
As someone stated below, almost all of your reasoning here has happened with EVERY slasher franchise. Are you seriously going to say there were no bad Nightmare on Elm Street's, Friday the 13th's or Halloween's? The logic is flawed, every horror series stumbles, it's the nature of sequels to something like this.
As someone stated below, almost all of your reasoning here has happened with EVERY slasher franchise. Are you seriously going to say there were no bad Nightmare on Elm Street's, Friday the 13th's or Halloween's? The logic is flawed, every horror series stumbles, it's the nature of sequels to something like this.
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7:24PM on 03/26/2013
Thank you! That was my point exactly! :)
Thank you! That was my point exactly! :)
12:57AM on 03/27/2013
Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is a great example of that.
Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is a great example of that.
3:17PM on 03/27/2013
Fox! You make some valid points. The biggest difference with HATCHET and FRIDAY 13th or NOES or HALLOWEEN, is that there was a DEMAND for more of those movies to be made by the movie-going masses... and I just don't see many people giving two shits for another HATCHET movie. Myself included. NOES 2 is horrendous, so they went a completely different direction for NOES 3, and by switching it up, made that one awesome. HATCHET 3 appears to be the same old shit.
Fox! You make some valid points. The biggest difference with HATCHET and FRIDAY 13th or NOES or HALLOWEEN, is that there was a DEMAND for more of those movies to be made by the movie-going masses... and I just don't see many people giving two shits for another HATCHET movie. Myself included. NOES 2 is horrendous, so they went a completely different direction for NOES 3, and by switching it up, made that one awesome. HATCHET 3 appears to be the same old shit.
7:17PM on 03/27/2013
Hatchet isn't a theatrically released movie, so it's hard to compare the demand with movies that did get a release in the theaters. Besides, everyone complained when Saw got all the sequels and now Paranormal Activity gets slammed because it makes so much money they keep making more of them. So what are the exact qualifications to warrant a sequel according to you?

You keep saying how ANOES 2 and 3 are different, but ANOES 3 was more in the vein of the original than Freddy's Revenge and was
Hatchet isn't a theatrically released movie, so it's hard to compare the demand with movies that did get a release in the theaters. Besides, everyone complained when Saw got all the sequels and now Paranormal Activity gets slammed because it makes so much money they keep making more of them. So what are the exact qualifications to warrant a sequel according to you?

You keep saying how ANOES 2 and 3 are different, but ANOES 3 was more in the vein of the original than Freddy's Revenge and was the template for part 4, 5 and 6. Halloween is just about Michael Myers coming back to Haddonfield time after time. How's that for not the same? The worst part is that, just like in the Scream series, the killer can kill anybody without blinking, except the person they have a vendetta against.

Pop quiz, what do the loathed sequels ANOES 2, Halloween III and F13 pt5 all have in common? They tried to be different. Different doesn't equal good.
1:46AM on 04/02/2013
Herald, I hate to break it to you dude, but NOES2 is identical to the basic story and structure as the original NOES, except they chose to have a male protagonist. NOES 3 is nothing like NOES (in terms of story and structure). Sure, the rest of the series stuck with NOES 3... but that doesn't make it more like NOES than NOES 2.

It's all a moot point though, yo. Hatchet as a series, franchise, and character can go fuck itself in my eyes, and you love that shit up and down and red all over.
Herald, I hate to break it to you dude, but NOES2 is identical to the basic story and structure as the original NOES, except they chose to have a male protagonist. NOES 3 is nothing like NOES (in terms of story and structure). Sure, the rest of the series stuck with NOES 3... but that doesn't make it more like NOES than NOES 2.

It's all a moot point though, yo. Hatchet as a series, franchise, and character can go fuck itself in my eyes, and you love that shit up and down and red all over. That's cool, yo! You're opinion ain't wrong, neither is mine... they're just different. How fucking boring would it be if we all thought Hatchet was amazing??? Really boring. And then no one would ever want to step in and give us another (better) horror franchise to pine after, we' d all just be stuck with Hatchet over and over and over again. Fuck that!
5:21PM on 03/26/2013

Does someone need a kick in the nuts?

Really? WTF is up with some of theses articles on here of late? Where are the horror fans?
Really? WTF is up with some of theses articles on here of late? Where are the horror fans?
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3:21PM on 03/27/2013
Please kick me in the nuts for wanting a horror movie franchise that doesn't suck balls, yo! I'm a horror fan through and through, but that doesn't mean I'm a shitty movie fan as well. HATCHET 2 was shitty. HATCHET was decent. HATCHET 3 appears to be the same ol' thing we've seen already. I'm all for new QUALITY horror, but I don't pretend to want new CRAPPY horror cause that's what everyone else is fifin' over at the moment.
Please kick me in the nuts for wanting a horror movie franchise that doesn't suck balls, yo! I'm a horror fan through and through, but that doesn't mean I'm a shitty movie fan as well. HATCHET 2 was shitty. HATCHET was decent. HATCHET 3 appears to be the same ol' thing we've seen already. I'm all for new QUALITY horror, but I don't pretend to want new CRAPPY horror cause that's what everyone else is fifin' over at the moment.
4:09AM on 04/07/2013
Well for most of us, the first Hatchet WAS quality horror, the second not so much, but it was still fun, and if nothing else, at least part 3 will be more watchable then any of those damn Saw or PA sequels.
Well for most of us, the first Hatchet WAS quality horror, the second not so much, but it was still fun, and if nothing else, at least part 3 will be more watchable then any of those damn Saw or PA sequels.
4:34PM on 03/26/2013
I loved Part 1, hated Part 2 but am willing to give Part 3 a shot!
I loved Part 1, hated Part 2 but am willing to give Part 3 a shot!
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+6
3:09PM on 03/26/2013
Less Hatchet, more Leslie Vernon. I could get behind that (mask).
Less Hatchet, more Leslie Vernon. I could get behind that (mask).
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3:07PM on 03/26/2013
I thought Hatchet was okay. The kills were good, I guess. I didn't think it was great. I just saw it as an average shitty horror film, not a franchise.
I thought Hatchet was okay. The kills were good, I guess. I didn't think it was great. I just saw it as an average shitty horror film, not a franchise.
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3:22PM on 03/27/2013
That's exactly my thoughts. Good--decent, even--but do we need MORE and MORE and MORE of them? Nope.
That's exactly my thoughts. Good--decent, even--but do we need MORE and MORE and MORE of them? Nope.
4:11AM on 04/07/2013
Well better another Hatchet film then another fucking PA film, now there's a franchise that's immensely overrated. There is absolutely nothing special about the first film, it's a mediocre "found footage" film, and the sequels got shittier and shitter(why PA 4 was in the Black Sheep column, I will never know)
Well better another Hatchet film then another fucking PA film, now there's a franchise that's immensely overrated. There is absolutely nothing special about the first film, it's a mediocre "found footage" film, and the sequels got shittier and shitter(why PA 4 was in the Black Sheep column, I will never know)
1:08PM on 03/26/2013
i'll never understand what people think is "good" about the first Hatchet. it was an insultingly stupid piece of garbage. my guess is: these "films" are some talentless BUT RICH hollywood dick's fever dream and they're going to keep getting made as long as he has money to blow on them. i mean, they can't be costing him much, can they?
i'll never understand what people think is "good" about the first Hatchet. it was an insultingly stupid piece of garbage. my guess is: these "films" are some talentless BUT RICH hollywood dick's fever dream and they're going to keep getting made as long as he has money to blow on them. i mean, they can't be costing him much, can they?
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12:08PM on 03/26/2013
Just because a movie follows the slasher formula, that does not mean it follows it effectively. Hatchet was just that, an ineffective formulaic slasher film. I'm all for the formula of a slasher film, but Hatchet was just over the top, and not in a good way. I never saw the second one, and if it's the same movie as the first, and apparently the third is shaping up to do that again, we definitely don't need another Hatchet movie.
Just because a movie follows the slasher formula, that does not mean it follows it effectively. Hatchet was just that, an ineffective formulaic slasher film. I'm all for the formula of a slasher film, but Hatchet was just over the top, and not in a good way. I never saw the second one, and if it's the same movie as the first, and apparently the third is shaping up to do that again, we definitely don't need another Hatchet movie.
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3:23PM on 03/27/2013
Totally agree with you, man!
Totally agree with you, man!
+1
11:25AM on 03/26/2013
the second left a lot to be desired , and I agree that the premise sounds idiotic for this Chapter . I loved the first , but there's really no excitement happening here anymore for this guy .
the second left a lot to be desired , and I agree that the premise sounds idiotic for this Chapter . I loved the first , but there's really no excitement happening here anymore for this guy .
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9:57AM on 03/26/2013
My respond to this week's column is neutral. You have a right to your opinion. I have a right to mine. However, do some of us really need another Hatchet movie? Oh hell yes! I loved both initial chapters. You and I agree that part one was outstanding. And, as for Part II, I do not have the same criticisms that you do. Perhaps, others are also of my viewpoint. Yes, Hatchet II did have more exposition. However, the expanded ghost story kept H2 from being simply a slasher. The exposition took the
My respond to this week's column is neutral. You have a right to your opinion. I have a right to mine. However, do some of us really need another Hatchet movie? Oh hell yes! I loved both initial chapters. You and I agree that part one was outstanding. And, as for Part II, I do not have the same criticisms that you do. Perhaps, others are also of my viewpoint. Yes, Hatchet II did have more exposition. However, the expanded ghost story kept H2 from being simply a slasher. The exposition took the franchise into new territory. Viewers had a scary, supernatural tale to consider. Also, the exposition was not boring necessarily. The story contained plot twists and underlying moral messages. You feel that Hatchet II was a "been there; done that." Yes and no. The Hatchet series is a more extreme horror than most modern horror offerings. The kills are very original. People are getting naked and explicitly fucking (instead of anything more subtle). The kills are much gorier than anything in a PG-13 or the average mainstream R. Sometimes, a person really wants a powerful fix of the dark and sordid, and Hatchet II delivers that rush. Also, Hatchet II might be formulaic; it might be like a lot of other slashers and horrorfllms. However, most genre films--horror, sci-fi, superhero--are very formulaic. We fans still watch and appreciate them on a consistent basis. So, formula is not necessarily a movie killer.

BTW, I do completely agree on one thing. Let's get another My Bloody Valentine. Everyone wanted to know what happens next after MBV-3D's conclusion.
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3:24PM on 03/27/2013
We NEED another MY BLOODY VALENTINE movie! That'd be amazeballs!
We NEED another MY BLOODY VALENTINE movie! That'd be amazeballs!
+3
9:48AM on 03/26/2013
Hatchet II went wrong with all the nameless characters we didn't care about, while the characters in the original were likable. That people keep going back into the swamp makes sense in the Hatchet universe, they try to kill Victor Crowley. It's not like the Friday the 13th movies were people keep coming back to a site where hundreds of people have been killed by a murderer whose body never got recovered. Except those few times his dead body was found but somehow wasn't dead even after he was
Hatchet II went wrong with all the nameless characters we didn't care about, while the characters in the original were likable. That people keep going back into the swamp makes sense in the Hatchet universe, they try to kill Victor Crowley. It's not like the Friday the 13th movies were people keep coming back to a site where hundreds of people have been killed by a murderer whose body never got recovered. Except those few times his dead body was found but somehow wasn't dead even after he was buried for years.

The Hatchet series clearly use a weak plot just to infuse the movie with a lot of gruesome death scenes that are reminiscent of the death scenes from the classic slasher movies from the eighties. And I think that's cool. It's just as simple and straightforward as the old school slashers. It's a shame Victor Crowley himself looks like a generic hillbilly. The miner from My Bloody Valentine 3D and even the creepy Santa Clause from the Silent Night remake look better.

All in all so far I enjoy the Hatchet films and I wouldn't mind more of them. It's still better than the Wrong Turn franchise that has more turds than good films.
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+5
9:44AM on 03/26/2013
Sorry, I strongly disagree with you. While I agree that 2nd one wasn't as good as the first (a), I don't believe that it was as bad as you make it out, and (b) a lot of franchises have a sequel that isn't all that great (ANOES pt. 2: Freddy's Revenge anyone?) and they've recovered from it. (ANOES pt. 3: Dream Warriors!) Also, I'm a huge fan of Danielle Harris and I'll give anything she's in a watch (I wasn't sure that Laid to Rest 2 would be that good, but damn if it wasn't!)
Sorry, I strongly disagree with you. While I agree that 2nd one wasn't as good as the first (a), I don't believe that it was as bad as you make it out, and (b) a lot of franchises have a sequel that isn't all that great (ANOES pt. 2: Freddy's Revenge anyone?) and they've recovered from it. (ANOES pt. 3: Dream Warriors!) Also, I'm a huge fan of Danielle Harris and I'll give anything she's in a watch (I wasn't sure that Laid to Rest 2 would be that good, but damn if it wasn't!)
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8:13PM on 03/26/2013
I met Danielle Harris, super sweet and just as hot in person! I'd watch whatever she's in as well.
I met Danielle Harris, super sweet and just as hot in person! I'd watch whatever she's in as well.
3:27PM on 03/27/2013
I mentioned it another comment, but the same thing CAN'T be said for NOES 2 to NOES 3. NOES 2 was exactly like Part 1 (albeit, way shittier) and Part 3 went in an entirely different direction. HATCHET 1, 2, and 3 appear to all follow the same silly formula, all set in the same silly swamp, and besides the SWAT team, it appears almost exactly the same. Who needs more of the same here? Not me.
I mentioned it another comment, but the same thing CAN'T be said for NOES 2 to NOES 3. NOES 2 was exactly like Part 1 (albeit, way shittier) and Part 3 went in an entirely different direction. HATCHET 1, 2, and 3 appear to all follow the same silly formula, all set in the same silly swamp, and besides the SWAT team, it appears almost exactly the same. Who needs more of the same here? Not me.
9:23AM on 03/26/2013
Agree completely. Ridiculously overrated franchise.
Agree completely. Ridiculously overrated franchise.
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3:28PM on 03/27/2013
Thank you, sir! I'm glad I'm not the only one!
Thank you, sir! I'm glad I'm not the only one!
4:13AM on 04/07/2013
Not nearly as overrated as those goddamn PA and Saw films!
Not nearly as overrated as those goddamn PA and Saw films!
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