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IT'S THE BOOZE TALKIN': Why making Hatchet 3 is a bad idea

04.12.2011by: Ammon Gilbert

After being over-saturated with torture porn along the likes of the SAW franchise, the state of horror movies seemed to have lost its balls for the sake of making money at the box office around Halloween. But the fact that Jigsaw kept killing people by using interesting traps wasn’t the issue—no, it was the fact that a new horror franchise took off… and it wasn’t a slasher flick involving Freddy, Jason, or Michael. For fans of old school American horror, we seemed to be in a funk… until Adam Green surprised us all with his dip into the ‘80s slasher genre and gave us a new movie maniac to root for in HATCHET. But after just one sequel the “franchise” lost its steam (quality wise), making the recent announcement of a HATCHET 3 not only ridiculous, but just plain stupid.

Victor Crowley is the best kind of mass murderer: he’s ugly, he’s mentally unstable, he’s full of rage, he’s hell-bent on revenge, and he knows how to kill people in fun (and brutally graphic) ways. HATCHET re-opened our eyes as to how a slasher movie should look and feel, reminding us of the glory days of the 1980s and everything those movies stood for. As a fan of the genre, Green knew what he was doing and he did it exceptionally well. So well, in fact, that he should have known how to put together a sequel that took the story to the next level. But being blinded by his own hype or money or the sheer joy of having an idea of his greenlit for the second time, what he made was a boring, been-there done-that horror flick with a re-threaded storyline, lame characters, a few cool kills but an otherwise uninterestingly high body count. HATCHET II wasn’t nearly as epic, awesome, or satisfying as it should have been, and in some ways, felt like a big F-U to HATCHET’s original fanbase.

Having utterly failed at the box office when released in its unrated form, the flick has done surprisingly well on home video (DVD, Blu-ray, VOD), thus making it a sound investment for Dark Sky Films to give the go-ahead for a HATCHET 3. Serioulsly? There can’t possibly be more to Victor Crowley than what we’ve already seen (considering we saw the same thing repeated in first two movies), and unless there’s some major changes to the whole Crowley universe, there can’t possibly be anything new to offer the “franchise”. Green claims they had a HATCHET 3 storyline in the works while making HATCHET II, my gut says it's bunch of horseshit. If that’s the case, then they should have worked harder on making HATCHET II not suck so much balls.

The reason so many FRIDAY THE 13THs, NIGHTMARE ON ELM STs, and HALLOWEENs were made was because they all made a shitload of money. And while most of the sequels never lived up to the originals, at least they (sort of) varied from movie to movie. It gave different directors a chance to leave their mark on the series, it gave the writers a chance to explore the maniacs in question, and it gave people a reason to go to the theater, to have fun watching their favorite killer slice and dice peeps on the big screen. But HATCHET 3 will be handled by the same director and same cast and crew, Victor Crowley will keep doing the same old stuff, it will never see the inside of a movie theater and only be seen by the few fans it has left after the borefest known as HATCHET II.

Maybe it’s the booze talkin’, but there’s no good reason for a HATCHET 3 to be made. First was good, second blew ass, this “franchise” needs to stop and call it even. A third one? Really? Director Adam Green showed he’s a talented mother*cker after the crowd-pleasing FROZEN and I’d like to see him tackle more truly-terrifying projects like that... not more of the same featuring the already played-out Victor Crowley. So please please Please for the love of all that is holy in the name of horror fans everywhere, PLEASE don’t make a third HATCHET movie… just bury the “franchise” at two and leave it at that.

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6:55AM on 04/14/2011
Please. Don't feel entitled to speak for the rest of us, and "have another drink and shaddup". I'm looking forward to making Hatchet a traditional slasher franchise.
Please. Don't feel entitled to speak for the rest of us, and "have another drink and shaddup". I'm looking forward to making Hatchet a traditional slasher franchise.
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5:05PM on 04/12/2011

What?

Am I going crazy? Hatchet 2 was such a rip-roaringly and ridiculously gory good time... WAY better than the first... that movie is such a freaking blast
Am I going crazy? Hatchet 2 was such a rip-roaringly and ridiculously gory good time... WAY better than the first... that movie is such a freaking blast
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6:28PM on 04/12/2011
Yes... you're going crazy! =)
Yes... you're going crazy! =)
4:17PM on 04/12/2011

as the french say "garbahge"

i truly don't get what people like about the first movie. it is an awful, insultingly stupid movie. i'm sure the 2nd one is just as bad and probably worse. making the 3rd is like adding another dump to a backed up toilet.
i truly don't get what people like about the first movie. it is an awful, insultingly stupid movie. i'm sure the 2nd one is just as bad and probably worse. making the 3rd is like adding another dump to a backed up toilet.
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4:58PM on 04/12/2011
Fuckin' A! I like where your heads at, Plasticbrain!
Fuckin' A! I like where your heads at, Plasticbrain!
1:27AM on 04/13/2011
co-signed!
co-signed!
1:28PM on 04/13/2011
I can accept people not liking Hatchet but calling it stupid?? How many 'intelligent' slasher films have you watched? I think you've come to the wrong sub-genre if you're looking for intelligent plots, multi-faceted characters and in depth storytelling. We're talking about a deformed guy running around in a swamp with an axe - these movies are gory and cheesy FUN!!!
I can accept people not liking Hatchet but calling it stupid?? How many 'intelligent' slasher films have you watched? I think you've come to the wrong sub-genre if you're looking for intelligent plots, multi-faceted characters and in depth storytelling. We're talking about a deformed guy running around in a swamp with an axe - these movies are gory and cheesy FUN!!!
4:25PM on 04/13/2011
you guys are plain wrong. there are plenty of 'intelligent' slasher films: Halloween, the first Nightmare, Scream, etc. Hatchet is, as i said above, more than stupid. it is INSULTINGLY stupid. by which i mean, that the film doesn't even TRY to make sense or explain its premises. just some bad jokes and bad kills strung together by a boat ride.
you guys are plain wrong. there are plenty of 'intelligent' slasher films: Halloween, the first Nightmare, Scream, etc. Hatchet is, as i said above, more than stupid. it is INSULTINGLY stupid. by which i mean, that the film doesn't even TRY to make sense or explain its premises. just some bad jokes and bad kills strung together by a boat ride.
1:41PM on 04/12/2011
I also loved the first & hated the second, but I loved Victor, so I'm game for a third try. ...And I read that Adam Green most likely won't be directing the third one.
I also loved the first & hated the second, but I loved Victor, so I'm game for a third try. ...And I read that Adam Green most likely won't be directing the third one.
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1:31PM on 04/12/2011

Let's all just

bury the Hatchet and get plastered.
bury the Hatchet and get plastered.
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4:59PM on 04/12/2011
Oooooooh SNAP!
Oooooooh SNAP!
1:27PM on 04/12/2011
I agree. Hatchet is dead, leave it and move on.
I agree. Hatchet is dead, leave it and move on.
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+3
1:10PM on 04/12/2011

I'm with MonsterZero on Adam Green

He hasn't shown me much. Both Hatchets were disappointments(the first being passable but wildly overrated) and Frozen didn't hit the mark with me either--thoroughly unlikeable characters. But I respect the man for his other work producing and for the film "Spiral". I have the highest hopes for him and I think he's a bright light for the genre. He just hasn't put it all together consistently yet. And making MORE Hatchet monies instead of growing as an artist will NOT serve him well.
He hasn't shown me much. Both Hatchets were disappointments(the first being passable but wildly overrated) and Frozen didn't hit the mark with me either--thoroughly unlikeable characters. But I respect the man for his other work producing and for the film "Spiral". I have the highest hopes for him and I think he's a bright light for the genre. He just hasn't put it all together consistently yet. And making MORE Hatchet monies instead of growing as an artist will NOT serve him well.
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12:02PM on 04/12/2011
Personally, Hatchet 2 so bummed me out, I can do without a Part 3. Loved Part 1 though...
Personally, Hatchet 2 so bummed me out, I can do without a Part 3. Loved Part 1 though...
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11:00AM on 04/12/2011

Hatchet 3 works for me

I disagree with some of this column. Hatchet 2 did not lose me. It was gory splatstick fun. It was more extreme than much horror out there.
Although, I agree that Hatchet 3 would not likely get a theatrical release. The Hatchet fanbase is too small for that. But, I must add. Hatchet 2 was box office bomb perhaps because theatres pulled the film after three days of business. Otherwise, more horrorfans would have seen it. And, word-of-mouth would have brought in more of the morbidly
I disagree with some of this column. Hatchet 2 did not lose me. It was gory splatstick fun. It was more extreme than much horror out there.
Although, I agree that Hatchet 3 would not likely get a theatrical release. The Hatchet fanbase is too small for that. But, I must add. Hatchet 2 was box office bomb perhaps because theatres pulled the film after three days of business. Otherwise, more horrorfans would have seen it. And, word-of-mouth would have brought in more of the morbidly curious.
Also, I must disagree with the column about the originality of Friday the 13th and Halloween. Even when Jason goes to NYC or meets a telekinetic or goes into outer space, he still does his basic thing. Michael too.
IMO, the Hatchet movies are not yet boring. And, I would watch another.
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10:56AM on 04/12/2011

"HATCHET II not suck so much balls"

Geesh Hatchet II def' was,nt as good as the first one. But I knew it wouldnt be going in, even as much as I like Adam Green. Never go into a sequel expecting as good or even a half assed, as good. Went in not expecting much and thats what I got. It was fun to watch with some whiskey and a couple buddies, the kills were fun and entertaining. So yeah I guess every one hated this lil flick , but I still got a lil enjoyment out of it.,....Good article
Geesh Hatchet II def' was,nt as good as the first one. But I knew it wouldnt be going in, even as much as I like Adam Green. Never go into a sequel expecting as good or even a half assed, as good. Went in not expecting much and thats what I got. It was fun to watch with some whiskey and a couple buddies, the kills were fun and entertaining. So yeah I guess every one hated this lil flick , but I still got a lil enjoyment out of it.,....Good article
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+5
10:24AM on 04/12/2011
I loved the first movie and was thrilled at the prospect of another visit to the bayou. Unfortunately, Hatchet 2 was utterly horrible. I think the problem was that it had no soul whatsoever. And now they're making a third one? Reminds me of the Feast trilogy. a fantastic start, followed by absolute garbage. Why don't these directors just throw shit in our faces and call it a day.
I loved the first movie and was thrilled at the prospect of another visit to the bayou. Unfortunately, Hatchet 2 was utterly horrible. I think the problem was that it had no soul whatsoever. And now they're making a third one? Reminds me of the Feast trilogy. a fantastic start, followed by absolute garbage. Why don't these directors just throw shit in our faces and call it a day.
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11:01AM on 04/12/2011
Good call on FEAST! That's the perfect analogy of what's going on here!
Good call on FEAST! That's the perfect analogy of what's going on here!
10:15AM on 04/12/2011
Hatchet was OK. Hatchet 2 was indeed awful. And there was one in the crowd that wasn't so pleased with Frozen either. That film had annoying characters and was dull. Not sure why everyone here thinks it was so terrifying. I was laughing during the wolf attack. So, to me, Adam Green definitely needs to keep working with new material if he wants to show he has anything beyond the marginal talent he's shown thus far. I know this will be an incredibly unpopular opinion but, Green has yet to impress
Hatchet was OK. Hatchet 2 was indeed awful. And there was one in the crowd that wasn't so pleased with Frozen either. That film had annoying characters and was dull. Not sure why everyone here thinks it was so terrifying. I was laughing during the wolf attack. So, to me, Adam Green definitely needs to keep working with new material if he wants to show he has anything beyond the marginal talent he's shown thus far. I know this will be an incredibly unpopular opinion but, Green has yet to impress this horror fan. And I have been watching horror for over 4 decades so don't give me the "You don't get it" nonsense.
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11:03AM on 04/12/2011
Green also has producing chops--he produced the scareflick GRACE which was pretty solid. Good points all around, yo!
Green also has producing chops--he produced the scareflick GRACE which was pretty solid. Good points all around, yo!
12:17PM on 04/12/2011
To each his/her own but I personally think Adam Green is one of the best new directors in the genre these days. The diversity he has shown with Hactchet and then Frozen (both of which I really liked)is more than I can say for what most of the hacks out there are doing these days. I haven't watched Hatchet 2 yet so I won't comment on that but overall I've been impressed with Mr. Green and look forward to seeing where he goes from here. As for laughing during the wolf attack - that surprises me,
To each his/her own but I personally think Adam Green is one of the best new directors in the genre these days. The diversity he has shown with Hactchet and then Frozen (both of which I really liked)is more than I can say for what most of the hacks out there are doing these days. I haven't watched Hatchet 2 yet so I won't comment on that but overall I've been impressed with Mr. Green and look forward to seeing where he goes from here. As for laughing during the wolf attack - that surprises me, I thought that scene was quite well done.

What has impressed you these days?
3:07PM on 04/12/2011
Fellow horror fans...Let me first say I do appreciate Green's love of the genre and implore him to keep making movies. As for what's impressed me? The Descent is still a favorite of the last decade. I really liked the minimalist approach of the first Paranormal Activity flick to achieve chills. Insidious shows Wan is on the cusp of doing something great. The French have been really churning out some interesting stuff like Martyrs and Frontiers. Like Green, Rob Zombie has potential but hasn't
Fellow horror fans...Let me first say I do appreciate Green's love of the genre and implore him to keep making movies. As for what's impressed me? The Descent is still a favorite of the last decade. I really liked the minimalist approach of the first Paranormal Activity flick to achieve chills. Insidious shows Wan is on the cusp of doing something great. The French have been really churning out some interesting stuff like Martyrs and Frontiers. Like Green, Rob Zombie has potential but hasn't hit the mark yet. I like the work of Ti West and Dante Tomaselli.The Orphanage and Let The Right One In were also very impressive. But very little has blown me away. Maybe I am jaded at this point. I grew up in the 70's and 80's which was a great time for horror and with so many remakes and sequels, horror hasn't given me a whole lot to really shout about and today's horror fans are growing up with some sadly mediocre stuff with a few gems mixed in. But it is filmmakers like Green who keep the passion in horror so... I may not like his films but defend his right to keep making them!
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