Horror Ten Spot: Chucky's Best Kills!

Don't fuck with the Chuck! As I'm sure you've heard, good old Brad Dourif is readying a return to the ominous voice of the deadly doll in CURSE OF CHUCKY, due sometime next year. When the official synopsis for the Don Mancini directed flick dropped last month, y'all were quite vocal in both support for the franchise continuation, and disdain for the inevitable direct-to-disc release. I tend to share the sentiment, even if my interest in the series has waned since CHILD'S PLAY 3 (nothing against Jen Tilly's sexy voice and chest). Even so, with the angry Lilliputian murderer on the mind, why not take a look back and enjoy the best of Chucky's homicidal handy-work. Ready for the Top Ten Best Chucky Kills? Presto, you're dead!

#1. Wire Decapitation (SEED OF CHUCKY)

Silly and cartoonish, yes, but the most exorbitant of all of Chucky's kills must go to the slow-mo wire-decapitation in SEED OF CHUCKY. Shite's profligate! You know the deal, in the ever elaborate set-piece, Chuck and Tiff connect taut wires around the neck of a potential victim. In duly sadistic fashion, both deadly dolls yank their end of the wire and in one fell swoop...WHAM...dude's head pops off like a grape. Blood rains across the face of Tiff. The head flies in the air, bounces off the ground. Then, in typical J-horror fashion, the lifeless torso spews a fountain of blood. Chucky proudly wears the blood like war-paint.

#2. Nails to Face/Stabbing (BRIDE OF CHUCKY)

Eternal peace to Jack Tripper! In BRIDE OF CHUCKY, the late great John Ritter gets about as unceremonious a death as one could hope to avoid. Playing the town sheriff, Chucky and new bride know an example must be made of such an authority figure. So what do they do? On Tiff's alarm, Chucky knifes a connective cord that unleashes a hail of nail-fire right into Ritter's face. Dead almost immediately, Ritter's lifeless body folds to the floor...his pincushioned grill bloodied and bruised as if the distant, abused relative of Hellraiser's cenobots. Not satisfied, Chucky stabs Ritter repeatedly, wipes his bloody knife on the corpse's clothes!

#3. Lip Ring/Suffocation (BRIDE OF CHUCKY)

We've all wanted to do it. Some mouthy, whiney, poser punk-ass in faux-hawk and lip-ring waxing wise? We've all at one point dreamt of grabbing hold of that lip-loop and ripping for dear life. Well, Chuck once again gives us vicarious fantasies and does just that. Thing is, with Ronny Yu's J-horror background...when dude's lip is severed, a geyser of gore is uncorked. Unflattered by the mess its making on his little overalls, Chuck puts dude out of his misery by suffocating him with a pillow. A white one that quickly pools deep crimson.

#4. Eye Gouge (CHILD'S PLAY 2)

One of the best things about Chucky's murderous methods is the variety. Unlike many horror icons who have one primary weapon (machete, chainsaw, butcher knife, razor glove), Chuck likes to mix it up. More, it didn't take long for the little bastard to get inventive. Just scope the optometry scene in CHILD'S PLAY 2. FINAL DESTINATION shit. After reanimating in a Good Guys warehouse, Chuck wastes little time making mince meat of a factory worker. He stabs the dude, jolts him back onto a conveyor belt, and in one fell swoop, the dude's eyes are gorily gouged out by the hydraulic press that installs doll eyes.

#5. The Barber (CHILD'S PLAY 3)

Presto, you're dead! Talk about a clean cut...I've always loved the way Chucky disposes of the smug, greasy, ball-busting barber in CHILD'S PLAY 3. Normally Chucky whacks semi-respectable, dare I say likeable characters. Here, that barber is almost as foul and heinous as Chucky himself, and in the many times I used to watch the flick as a prepubescent kid, I always rooted for Chucky to f*ck the dude up. Not only does he oblige by raking a straight-razor across his throat, Chucky adds insult to injury by firing the barber's trademark zinger back in his gorily moribund face.

#6. Live Rounds/Grenade (CHILD'S PLAY 3)

Even as a child, the profound malice and calculating evil of Chucky loading live rifle rounds into a paint-gun sobered me the fuck up. But you know, for a 2nd sequel in a b-movie franchise, killing the human antagonist the way they did was pretty clever. Normally Chucky would just maim, stab or slaughter the single most unlikable character in the movie. Here though, Chucky's still responsible, yet he muddles the emotional stakes by having another human, an innocent, fire the weapon and do the killing. Then the little fucker pins a grenade and lets it fly, almost as if he knew the feeble Whitehurst would play hero. Conniving little midget!

#7. Pump Needle/Yard Stick(CHILD'S PLAY 2)

Oh poor Beth Grant. Ever the crotchety old harridan, our friend to the end Chucky plays surrogate for all of our twisted boyhood dreams...killing the bitchiest schoolteacher known to man. But did she deserve getting impaled in the gut with a ball-pump-needle? Then for good measure, beaten to a bloody corpse with a yard stick? Tough to say, but as a viewer, I not only enjoyed seeing the power-abusing teacher get her deadly comeuppance, I always enjoyed watching the suspenseful build-up as Chucky hides from her in the storage closet.

#8. Yoyo Strangulation (CHILD'S PLAY 3)

Don't fuck with the Chuck! I nearly broke the rewind button watching this sequence with my friends at the wee age of ten or so. So brutal, so darkly humorous, so eminently watchable...Chucky's first kill after a 8 year hiatus is quite the doozy. The best part? The way Chuck taunts and toys with the old fart-bag before clubbing him in the grill with a pitching wdge...rendering the old bastard damn near apoplectic before ultimately strangulating him with a yoyo of all things. Not for the faint of heart, a hell of way to kick off the 3rd franchise installment.

#9. Hammer Head/Window (CHILD'S PLAY)

Said it before, I'll echo it now...you never forget your first time. And while I still contend the scene in which Andy's mother checks the battery pack, only to find no batteries in the doll...the doll then rolling out of her arms under the couch...is the scariest scene in all of the CHILD'S PLAY movies. That said, Chucky's very first fatality is a memorable one. Not just because it's Marty from GREASE getting killed, it's the slow build up, the tension, the suspense, and ultimately the visual: Chucky thuds the bitch in the dome with a hammer, the force knocks her back to the point she flails out of the window and lands on a car some 10 stories below.

#10. Electrocution (CHILD'S PLAY)

You know, for a blade wielding killer, Chucky sure likes himself some electricity. Look no further than the original entry, a late fatality, where Chucky stabs a dude in the leg, and when he drops, sticks electrodes around his head. Chuck then cranks the sucker to high voltage, and while Andy cries helplessly, and Chucky laughs maniacally, the old dude's face chars, twitches and vellicates, black smoke curling in the air...blood seeping from dude's eyes and mouth as his life slowly withers away. It's one thing to kill without compunction, but to do it right in front of Andy this time out...makes the kill that much more effective.

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