Burlesqua Aguilera

It goes against all of my principles to dislike Christina Aguilera but for whatever reason, I do. I mean, she’s a Latino chick with gargantuan tits and no desire to cover them up. It should be a no-brainer. But alas, no. Still, maybe this will help:

Aguilera will play an “ambitious small-town girl with a big voice” who finds love, family and success in a burlesque bar in LA.

I love that nearly this exact movie has been made about three hundred times but never once accurately. I’m certainly no expert, but I’m pretty sure the closest we’ve ever gotten to this is premise of bright eyed girl looks to make a splash in LA is 8MM. I’m pretty sure that TRANSFORMERS is more grounded in reality than this will be. Especially if she’s looking for an uplifting story in a burlesque bar. You might as well look for one in an abattoir, or a WWII concentration camp.