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10.31.2007by: Jim Law

Top 10 Scariest Moments of My Childhood

It's pretty hard for a film to truly scare me nowadays with their "loud noises make people jump" brand of terrifying. With the exception of JU-ON and maybe THE DESCENT, there hasn't been a film to dig deep enough to get under my skin since THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. I'm incredibly pumped to see the Spanish film, [REC], after watching this clip over at AITH but other than that, my underpants seem safe for the time being. It wasn't always this way though. Many a sleepless night were spent in my bedroom wondering why my dad and brother continue to torment me with weekend trips to the big screen that makes me cry. We can laugh about it now but the day I snap and some deep evil is unleashed from within my scarred imagination, you'll know who to blame.

Honourable Mention: Floaty Kid - SALEM'S LOT (1979)

I usually don't include TV movies in these articles but this was just too unforgettable to leave off. Here's my question though, where was my mom? If this was on TV, and I was five-years-old, where the f*ck was my mom? It's not like they rolled this thing out on a Saturday morning between 'G.I. JOE' and 'Thundercats', this was some hardcore shit back in the day. To this day, if I ever heard someone scratching at my window at night I'd shit my bed and force myself into a coma.

10. A Bigger Boat - JAWS (1975)

I don't remember exactly how old I was when I actually saw this movie but it was young enough to instill a fear of waterbeds. Seriously. It's almost cruel how Spielberg hides the shark for the majority of the film and then slaps you in the face with him when you least expect it. I can honestly say I've never thrown bloody fish entrails off the side of a boat because of this scene. And God knows I've wanted to.

9. Norris - THE THING (1982)

Wow. How f*cking great is that scene? Now imagine you're eight-years-old and have to try and sleep at night in a bedroom where every shadow looks exactly like giant spiders with human heads. Are you starting to get the point here? I wonder if I've ever killed a babysitter or something.


I remember sitting in this theatre like it was yesterday. The part that did the most damage however was not that scene above but another dream sequence. As David (David Naughton) runs through the forest and stumbles upon himself in a hospital bed. I had a very bad feeling about this so I covered my ears and closed my eyes so that I might miss the impending doom that awaits. My dad, however, noticed my arms over my head and slapped them down. Worried about the people behind me, he told me to quit screwing around and watch the movie. So I did, and just as I looked back at the screen with teary eyes, this is what I saw...

7. Living Dead Girls - THE SHINING (1980)

I had enough problems with creepy little girls in '80 stealing my lunch money and beating my ass at recess. What I didn't need was these twin bitches and their none-too-subtle images of axe-death. To cap it off, Danny (Danny Lloyd) forgets about rocking his Big Wheel and starts having a conversation with his f*cking finger. How did I make it through all this shit before puberty?

6. Chest Pains - ALIEN (1979)

You did not want to be at our dinner table the night after I saw this. Too young to understand that the alien was implanted, I thought it was something he ate. The very same thing my mom was serving that next night. Convinced there was an alien egg hidden somewhere on my plate, I studied each bite like it might be my last. The slightest hint of heartburn and it was over for me. By the time dessert came I was so nervous I think I asked my mom to kill me.

5. Zelda - PET SEMATARY (1989)

Compared to all the other films on this list, being fifteen-years-old for this one seems old enough to deal. That's what I though too until Zelda and her f'ed up spine came creeping into my life. Couple her with Gage, the cutest undead child in the history of film, and I had a few issues to deal with years after. Hearing Z call for Rachel every night as I lay in bed was (is) just one of them.

4. He Ain't Dead - HALLOWEEN (1978)

I'm pretty sure the first time I saw this was on TV so some of the scares were sure to be toned down. It didn't matter for this moment though. The single creepiest movement of all time boxed within a perfect angle and it takes place just around the time you thought it was safe to breath again. Michael Myers is the greatest villain of all time. This is the moment he got my vote.

3. Card Play - THE EVIL DEAD (1981)

My tiny brain felt like it was on fire as I watched a woman who just got raped by a tree start to float around the living room and issue random death threats. And then the pencil to the ankle. Mother of God, how do you bring a seven year old in a theatre to see shit like this? I can't believe my other personalities haven't made an appearance here yet.

2. Grave Grab - CARRIE (1976)

This has to be the closest I've come to dying. When that hand pops out of the grave I swear my heart stopped for a couple days. I was probably around five when I watched this on TV because I remember telling kids in my kindergarten class about it the next day. I wonder what my show and tell presentations were like back then. ".... and this is my bucket of pigs blood."

1. The Clown - POLTERGEIST (1982)

A new movie from the guy that did RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and E.T.? You bet I want to see it Dad! What happened next will be with me forever. The moment Robbie (Oliver Robins) looks back at that chair and the clown is gone, I'm not afraid to admit I peed a little. Everything went blank. "Where the f*ck is that clown? Don't look under the bed idiot. It's behind you!" As the credits rolled and I finally had time to wipe the tears off my face I remember seeing a kid sitting in front that was younger than me. I'm pretty sure he had swallowed his tongue and his ears were bleeding and all I could think was, what a pussy.



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