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Ridiculous Journey

07.11.2008

I happened to catch a screening of JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH 3-D at ShoWest complete with RealD glasses and pristine digital production. It didn't help. We weren't supposed to review these ShoWest screenings because they're not for review purposes but we were encouraged to write about the movie so instead I'll try things in a different format. With full respect to our resident Top 10er Jim Law, here's my mini-Ten Spot, The 10 Most Ridiculous Things About JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH. (And yes, there are spoilers ahead.)

10. The temperature at the center of the Earth is dangerously hot. It reaches upwards of 110 degrees!! So basically Arizona is hotter than the center of the Earth.

9. Continuing on that theme, the temperature is rising, we're constantly reminded about how threatening that is and Brendan Fraser continues to wear a long-sleeved thermal shirt. Bro. Take off the long johns. This ain't Green Bay.


Gosh it's hot down here. Wish I knew a quick way to cool down...

8. The set-up for a sequel at the end. Please God, spare me.

7. The introduction of a yo-yo simply to yo-yo in 3-D. That was cool...back in FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART 3.

6. The luminescent bird that befriends the group. I had no problems until it turned Disney sidekick and turned anthropomorphic and shrugged its shoulders and covered its eyes in embarrassment.

5. The lack of any kind of peril. They have fallen through a hole to a mystical land in the middle of the Earth where they get attacked by large prehistoric fish and they're like "awesome!" I would be shitting my pants. They're high-fiving.


Giant-fanged fish jumped out of the water to eat us? HAHAHahahaHAHAhaahAHaHAHA!!!

4. The script.

3. Brendan Fraser.

2. Brendan Fraser fights giant Venus Fly Traps - with his fist. He actually finds the best way to battle a Venus Fly Trap is to box it.

And finally....

1. Cell phone reception at the center of the Earth. Yes, in the aformentioned scene with the attacking prehistoric fish, the kid gets a cell phone call from his mom. "Sorry Mom, can't talk now! Beating off prehistoric fish with a stick!" I couldn't get cell reception in the elevator at the hotel but in the Earth's core? Why not?!

Source: JoBlo.com

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1:55AM on 07/13/2008
I can't wait to see this movie!*

*Not serious.
I can't wait to see this movie!*

*Not serious.
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7:30PM on 07/12/2008
It wasn't that bad. Most films of these types have crap sequences like that, though the venus fly trap part really tested my strength in going along with this movie.
It wasn't that bad. Most films of these types have crap sequences like that, though the venus fly trap part really tested my strength in going along with this movie.
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8:48AM on 07/12/2008
First off, this article is funny. I was laughing harder than I have in a while on this site. With that being said, what the hell is up with the bashing? I have a friend who is pretty easily entertained. In fact, he really doesnt HATE any movie out there. In fact that's sort of his thing. He ALWAYS finds SOMETHING good in every movie out there. I mean a movie I wouldnt be caught dead watching he will bash ME for bashing it! Movies are here t be entertaining. Not every movie is meant to be some
First off, this article is funny. I was laughing harder than I have in a while on this site. With that being said, what the hell is up with the bashing? I have a friend who is pretty easily entertained. In fact, he really doesnt HATE any movie out there. In fact that's sort of his thing. He ALWAYS finds SOMETHING good in every movie out there. I mean a movie I wouldnt be caught dead watching he will bash ME for bashing it! Movies are here t be entertaining. Not every movie is meant to be some fuckin masterpiece and not every movie NEEDS to be a masterpiece to entertain someone. Like plenty have said, one mans shit fest is another mans block buster. To each his own. No need to bash someone for it. On top of that its a kids flick Mike! What the HELL did you expect when you went in to that theater? It sounds like your expectations were set way to high and thats a shame. I mean didn't you see the trailers OR the posters? What did you want to see? A realistic journey to the center of the Earth? Because well (A) that wouldnt be much of a journey and (B) I dont think it would be appropriate to show kids 3 people melting instantly ala 'Raiders of the Lost Arch'. Not only would it be pretty gory, it would probably only last about 8 seconds and who would pay to see an eight second movie? Besides seeing Brendan Fraiser box a prehistoric plant seems pretty fucking entertaining to me!
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8:30PM on 07/11/2008
Brendan Fraser boxing giant plants sounds completely insane, but in a good way!

"Beating off prehistoric fish" also sounded amazing for a split second until my brain registered the rest of that sentence. I'm probably not seeing this movie, but that definitely would have gotten me to cough up 9 bucks
Brendan Fraser boxing giant plants sounds completely insane, but in a good way!

"Beating off prehistoric fish" also sounded amazing for a split second until my brain registered the rest of that sentence. I'm probably not seeing this movie, but that definitely would have gotten me to cough up 9 bucks
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8:29PM on 07/11/2008
Hahahahaha this is hilarious.
Hahahahaha this is hilarious.
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4:21PM on 07/11/2008

JohnLocke2342

JohnLocke2342> Have you seen the movie yet? I haven't, and probably won't, but think about what you're saying. A machine that can shrink people is obviously way more deep and scientifically plausible as travelling to the center of the earth.

and Mike> altho I LOVED the article...cause its hilarious hahaha, we have to keep in mind its a kid's movie. Now again, since I havent seen it, it could be an incredible waste of time (probably is), but what did you expect from the movie? Brendan Fraser
JohnLocke2342> Have you seen the movie yet? I haven't, and probably won't, but think about what you're saying. A machine that can shrink people is obviously way more deep and scientifically plausible as travelling to the center of the earth.

and Mike> altho I LOVED the article...cause its hilarious hahaha, we have to keep in mind its a kid's movie. Now again, since I havent seen it, it could be an incredible waste of time (probably is), but what did you expect from the movie? Brendan Fraser ripping off all his clothes then melting because its so hot down there? ITS A KIDS MOVIE OMG
its based on some book...its fantasy...as long as kids can dig it, whatever! Just let kids have their fun and creativity (just dont let them start digging up the backyard)
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10:17AM on 07/11/2008
When it comes to movies, what some people see as garbage can be another person's blockbuster.
When it comes to movies, what some people see as garbage can be another person's blockbuster.
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1:30AM on 03/17/2008

sigh

What happened to the days of kids movies with heart? Honey I shrunk the Kids, Little Giants, The Sandlot, I can go on and on and on... these classic kids movies have been replaced with unfinished pieces of CGI shit. I feel bad for kids being raised now a days with shit like this to go see for their birthday parties.
What happened to the days of kids movies with heart? Honey I shrunk the Kids, Little Giants, The Sandlot, I can go on and on and on... these classic kids movies have been replaced with unfinished pieces of CGI shit. I feel bad for kids being raised now a days with shit like this to go see for their birthday parties.
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10:15PM on 03/16/2008
Showing somebody a movie and asking not to review it is like giving somebody an ice cream cone and saying "Hey, if you take a bite, please don't tell anybody is tasted bad. We're only about 75% done with this ice cream cone, and we just want to know if the M&Ms, chocolate chips and the marshmallows look cool enough mixed with the fudge. It does? Great. But seriously, don't take a bite. And if you do, don't tell us it sucks, we know it does. We just wanted to make sure that the toppings were
Showing somebody a movie and asking not to review it is like giving somebody an ice cream cone and saying "Hey, if you take a bite, please don't tell anybody is tasted bad. We're only about 75% done with this ice cream cone, and we just want to know if the M&Ms, chocolate chips and the marshmallows look cool enough mixed with the fudge. It does? Great. But seriously, don't take a bite. And if you do, don't tell us it sucks, we know it does. We just wanted to make sure that the toppings were amazing." I bet this movie won't even get screened for critics.

The reason so many people are pissed off is because of the lazy film-making that goes on here. There are well-done kids movies being made, but it seems like shit like this always falls through the cracks. Haven't they learned from Shark-Boy and Lava Girl? They aren't even putting any effort into this movie. They're just throwing special effects on a screen and hoping people will waste money on 90 minutes of CGI jumping out from the screen. Give me a break.
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9:51PM on 03/16/2008
I have to agree with Servo on this one: no need to cut off each other's balls simply because someone is in the minority with their opinion on a movie. If you don't wanna see it, fine, share your opinion in a respectful manner, and then leave it at that. I'm getting sick of this kind of shit. It goes on at Rottentomatoes, IMDB, AICN (as Servo mentioned) but we are better than that.
I have to agree with Servo on this one: no need to cut off each other's balls simply because someone is in the minority with their opinion on a movie. If you don't wanna see it, fine, share your opinion in a respectful manner, and then leave it at that. I'm getting sick of this kind of shit. It goes on at Rottentomatoes, IMDB, AICN (as Servo mentioned) but we are better than that.
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5:54PM on 03/16/2008

mothers have balls, now?

Wow. At the risk of being told to kiss my dad's tits or something, I'll go on and say:

The movie looks pretty bad, but ShoWesters are a privileged lot who get to see lots of cool movies and get inside news, so if you were invited and asked not to review films you see there, it's a good idea not to do that. I mean, making it a top ten list doesn't change the fact that there is commentary here related to the film's content.

Just sayin'.



Wow. At the risk of being told to kiss my dad's tits or something, I'll go on and say:

The movie looks pretty bad, but ShoWesters are a privileged lot who get to see lots of cool movies and get inside news, so if you were invited and asked not to review films you see there, it's a good idea not to do that. I mean, making it a top ten list doesn't change the fact that there is commentary here related to the film's content.

Just sayin'.



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5:44PM on 03/16/2008

WTF

Holy shit Schmoes? When the fuck did we start going for each others throats? i.e. JohnLocke telling people to suck on their mother's balls. I thought that bullshit stayed on IMDb boards and AICN.

If people go to see this movie it's obviously for a thrill ride IMAX experience, the same reasons people rode the Back to the Future ride and watch the T23D show at Universal Studios.

So don't be so quick to pat yourselves on the back for choosing not to see this movie as if you were refusing
Holy shit Schmoes? When the fuck did we start going for each others throats? i.e. JohnLocke telling people to suck on their mother's balls. I thought that bullshit stayed on IMDb boards and AICN.

If people go to see this movie it's obviously for a thrill ride IMAX experience, the same reasons people rode the Back to the Future ride and watch the T23D show at Universal Studios.

So don't be so quick to pat yourselves on the back for choosing not to see this movie as if you were refusing to fund Al-Qaeda. You decided not to buy into a family film that's soley going to use a gimmicky experience like any other attraction you'd see at Disney World. Good fucking job.
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5:05PM on 03/16/2008

Isn't this a kids flick?

Why is everyone on here flipping out about a Brendan Frasier kids flick? Obviously the movie has no intention of taking itself, or science for that matter, seriously. This is just meant to be a a fun, brainless, kiddie flick and here everybody is tearing it apart like it's on the same level of critique as American Gangster. I say let it go...
Why is everyone on here flipping out about a Brendan Frasier kids flick? Obviously the movie has no intention of taking itself, or science for that matter, seriously. This is just meant to be a a fun, brainless, kiddie flick and here everybody is tearing it apart like it's on the same level of critique as American Gangster. I say let it go...
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4:38PM on 03/16/2008

Some ppl...

just need to pay $15, oh and this will def be $15, to see shit for themselves. No matter how many people say don't do it, they still have to try to prove ppl wrong.

And guess who is the winner in the end?

The people that didn't just waste $15 on this stupid shit and weren't stubborn enough and listened to the majority of people out there..

I rather watch a stuttering boy read War and Peace in one sitting then waste my time and watch this.

It's people like you, theotherness, that
just need to pay $15, oh and this will def be $15, to see shit for themselves. No matter how many people say don't do it, they still have to try to prove ppl wrong.

And guess who is the winner in the end?

The people that didn't just waste $15 on this stupid shit and weren't stubborn enough and listened to the majority of people out there..

I rather watch a stuttering boy read War and Peace in one sitting then waste my time and watch this.

It's people like you, theotherness, that are causing the destruction of Hollywood

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1:28PM on 03/16/2008

theotherness

How is he trying to ruin the movie for other people when he's telling you what happened in it. He's stating facts. If you think that what he just told you is good movie making then you can go swallow your mother's balls and go see this movie.. because you'll probably be the only one.
How is he trying to ruin the movie for other people when he's telling you what happened in it. He's stating facts. If you think that what he just told you is good movie making then you can go swallow your mother's balls and go see this movie.. because you'll probably be the only one.
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11:49AM on 03/16/2008
You know, theotherness, he may have been pissing on it, but everything he mentioned were parts that were already in the movie. So, in fact, it's almost like the movie is pissing all over itself.

And regardless, it does look like a steaming pile of crap.
You know, theotherness, he may have been pissing on it, but everything he mentioned were parts that were already in the movie. So, in fact, it's almost like the movie is pissing all over itself.

And regardless, it does look like a steaming pile of crap.
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11:21AM on 03/16/2008

RIP

RIP Juliobarriga's 3rd grade english teacher.

This movie looks like it sucks one big donkey cock. Any movie where someone has CELLPHONE SERVICE AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH shouldn't be seen. Don't care how farout of a movie it is.
RIP Juliobarriga's 3rd grade english teacher.

This movie looks like it sucks one big donkey cock. Any movie where someone has CELLPHONE SERVICE AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH shouldn't be seen. Don't care how farout of a movie it is.
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10:28AM on 03/16/2008
To be fair, I'm not sure adults are the target audience for this movie. Besides, if you want to blame some of the laughably unscientific parts, blame Jules Verne. Then again, a story about people who dig through the upper crust and gave up wouldn't really be fun, nor adequately called "Journey to the CENTER of the Earth".
To be fair, I'm not sure adults are the target audience for this movie. Besides, if you want to blame some of the laughably unscientific parts, blame Jules Verne. Then again, a story about people who dig through the upper crust and gave up wouldn't really be fun, nor adequately called "Journey to the CENTER of the Earth".
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7:31AM on 03/16/2008
You know, I still want to see this, despite Mike's best efforts to piss all over a movie and make people hate it even before they SEE it, which is just very unfair and unfortunately very typical nowadays.
You know, I still want to see this, despite Mike's best efforts to piss all over a movie and make people hate it even before they SEE it, which is just very unfair and unfortunately very typical nowadays.
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6:24AM on 03/16/2008

WTF!!!

R.I.P Brendan Fraser's carrer
R.I.P Brendan Fraser's carrer
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1:27AM on 03/16/2008

Fraser has left the building

I don't know... Fraser has had some good stuff. I liked Gods and Monsters. The Quiet American was also good. A lot of the other stuff was shite. I think he isn't picking the right material.
I don't know... Fraser has had some good stuff. I liked Gods and Monsters. The Quiet American was also good. A lot of the other stuff was shite. I think he isn't picking the right material.
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10:57PM on 03/15/2008
brendan fraser is annoying and has never starred in anything i have liked.
brendan fraser is annoying and has never starred in anything i have liked.
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9:14PM on 03/15/2008

Wait..........

You said RealD? They're still pushing those around? For god's sake, I thought new glasses came with the new technology. This isn't helping me get excited about the 3D effects for Avatar. I'm still convinced that I'll be catching a 2D viewing of Avatar (and I really hope there will be 2D viewings available).
You said RealD? They're still pushing those around? For god's sake, I thought new glasses came with the new technology. This isn't helping me get excited about the 3D effects for Avatar. I'm still convinced that I'll be catching a 2D viewing of Avatar (and I really hope there will be 2D viewings available).
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8:01PM on 03/15/2008

XD

Haha, that was quite possibly the funniest article on JoBlo that I have ever read before.

Thank you for that guys :P
Haha, that was quite possibly the funniest article on JoBlo that I have ever read before.

Thank you for that guys :P
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7:58PM on 03/15/2008

Wow

I have not seen any thing regarding this production but you have essentially destroyed it in hilarious fashion.
I have not seen any thing regarding this production but you have essentially destroyed it in hilarious fashion.
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7:23PM on 03/15/2008

Damnit

From the title, I thought this was going to be another IMAX concert film, like U2-3D....


JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRLLLL!!!
LIVING IN A LONELY WORRRRRLDDD!!!!
From the title, I thought this was going to be another IMAX concert film, like U2-3D....


JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRLLLL!!!
LIVING IN A LONELY WORRRRRLDDD!!!!
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7:20PM on 03/15/2008

hahaha oh man...

that was the funniest top 10 that was also a non-review i've ever read. kudos mike sampson, you hilarious and lucky bastard.
and wow, there really hasnt been a single good thing said about this movie in, ever, i think. let's hope it doesn't ruin the potential to have some actually good 3-D movies... if such a thing exists (not counting Avatar i suppose... we'll see).
that was the funniest top 10 that was also a non-review i've ever read. kudos mike sampson, you hilarious and lucky bastard.
and wow, there really hasnt been a single good thing said about this movie in, ever, i think. let's hope it doesn't ruin the potential to have some actually good 3-D movies... if such a thing exists (not counting Avatar i suppose... we'll see).
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6:29PM on 03/15/2008
Mike that was hilarious. This sounds pretty awful.
Mike that was hilarious. This sounds pretty awful.
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