Ridiculous Journey

I happened to catch a screening of JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH 3-D at ShoWest complete with RealD glasses and pristine digital production. It didn't help. We weren't supposed to review these ShoWest screenings because they're not for review purposes but we were encouraged to write about the movie so instead I'll try things in a different format. With full respect to our resident Top 10er Jim Law, here's my mini-Ten Spot, The 10 Most Ridiculous Things About JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH. (And yes, there are spoilers ahead.)

10. The temperature at the center of the Earth is dangerously hot. It reaches upwards of 110 degrees!! So basically Arizona is hotter than the center of the Earth.

9. Continuing on that theme, the temperature is rising, we're constantly reminded about how threatening that is and Brendan Fraser continues to wear a long-sleeved thermal shirt. Bro. Take off the long johns. This ain't Green Bay.

Gosh it's hot down here. Wish I knew a quick way to cool down...

8. The set-up for a sequel at the end. Please God, spare me.

7. The introduction of a yo-yo simply to yo-yo in 3-D. That was cool...back in FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART 3.

6. The luminescent bird that befriends the group. I had no problems until it turned Disney sidekick and turned anthropomorphic and shrugged its shoulders and covered its eyes in embarrassment.

5. The lack of any kind of peril. They have fallen through a hole to a mystical land in the middle of the Earth where they get attacked by large prehistoric fish and they're like "awesome!" I would be shitting my pants. They're high-fiving.

Giant-fanged fish jumped out of the water to eat us? HAHAHahahaHAHAhaahAHaHAHA!!!

4. The script.

3. Brendan Fraser.

2. Brendan Fraser fights giant Venus Fly Traps - with his fist. He actually finds the best way to battle a Venus Fly Trap is to box it.

And finally....

1. Cell phone reception at the center of the Earth. Yes, in the aformentioned scene with the attacking prehistoric fish, the kid gets a cell phone call from his mom. "Sorry Mom, can't talk now! Beating off prehistoric fish with a stick!" I couldn't get cell reception in the elevator at the hotel but in the Earth's core? Why not?!

Source: JoBlo.com



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