Uwe Boll needs cash! | Movie News
Uwe Boll needs cash!
Feb. 13, 2009
It isn't often that I feel the need to be really serious about things when I write for JoBlo.com, but it isn't often that there is such a serious cause. So here goes: Uwe Boll needs your money. The fate of his new film BLACKOUT literally rests on your investments. The film will be about terrorists (so you know it will be awesome), and Boll is looking to you guys for just $50 to become a co-producer and hopefully, fingers crossed, help him raise $18.5 million. I know what you're thinking, James, James, where the hell is this website because damn it I need to be a part of this thing, but just give me a second here.
Because baby, I'm not done selling yet. In case you were wondering, will I get my money back if the movie doesn't even get made? The answer is that you'll get $40 back. Everyone knows that is pretty much the same, so yes, you will get your money back. In case you were wondering, does this cinematic miracle have any stars lined up? The answer is one Ralf Moller, whom, as the website says, you might know from "some films with Arnold Schwarzenegger", so umm hell yes it does.
And in case you were wondering what it would be like co-producing a Uwe Boll film, well then let me fill you in, ladies and gentlemen. You might not get to see the script, or oversee filming, or enjoy any financial profit, or have any creative input whatsoever, or be welcome in my home ever, but you will be in receipt of a limited special edition DVD copy of the movie. Of course, money cannot buy such a thing. You will also be automatically entered into a raffle where one of you, from the 370,000 or so other co-producers, will win $500,000. 50 of you will also be flown out to Canada and be given the opportunity to cast an extra in the movie.
This isn't just a mind-blowing opportunity, guys, but what I consider your duty as a film fan. Uwe Boll has never won an Oscar but he has seen one. On television. And I think we can both agree that makes him insanely qualified. And sure, he has like three of his movies in IMDb's all-time worst films ever made list, but everyone knows people who vote on that site are just bitter film students who never made it.
And hey, if your soul is blackened and that somehow didn't manage to persuade you to join this venture then maybe the following video will. If nothing else, it will show you, this is a decent, respectful, humble guy who just wants to make it in film, just like you or I:
The website is TheBlackOutFilm.com.
Seriously, here are some things you could do with your money that would be more personally rewarding:
1. Giving it to a homeless person.
2. Buying a million chicken nuggets and building a chicken nugget fort.
3. Literally anything else.
Source: BlackOutFilm
Extra Tidbit: Come on guys, have a heart.
.jpg)
.jpg)
4:04AM on 02/16/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
2:51PM on 02/15/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
4:02PM on 02/14/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
12:20PM on 02/14/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
hell, it looks like half the money maybe going into building a better website for the damn thing.
You can't say that this guy's got balls.
I wonder if Mr.Bay is going to pony up some cash for this steamy pile.
hell, it looks like half the money maybe going into building a better website for the damn thing.
You can't say that this guy's got balls.
I wonder if Mr.Bay is going to pony up some cash for this steamy pile.
4:26AM on 02/14/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
4:07AM on 02/14/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
9:39PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
8:48PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
8:21PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
7:01PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
6:52PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
5:37PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
5:27PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
5:06PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
4:57PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
4:42PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
And I would SO build me a chicken nugget fort. :D
And I would SO build me a chicken nugget fort. :D
4:40PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
3:54PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
That said, Ralf Moeller is actually pretty cool. Clearly, he's not a name, but the guy was pretty badass in "Gladiator." He's the guy that tries the soup for Maximus when he and Djimon think it may have been poisoned. He also has a lot of scenes in the...
That said, Ralf Moeller is actually pretty cool. Clearly, he's not a name, but the guy was pretty badass in "Gladiator." He's the guy that tries the soup for Maximus when he and Djimon think it may have been poisoned. He also has a lot of scenes in the Colloseum.
3:09PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
2:38PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
2:35PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
I just read his wiki entry, which to a large part seems balanced, well it's as balanced as you can get when you're writing about such a half wit.
What really got my attention was this:
"He also jokingly stated that he believes that his upcoming adaptation of Postal (from the video game...
I just read his wiki entry, which to a large part seems balanced, well it's as balanced as you can get when you're writing about such a half wit.
What really got my attention was this:
"He also jokingly stated that he believes that his upcoming adaptation of Postal (from the video game of the same name) could beat Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at the box office, because Harrison Ford is older than his deceased grandfather, he was incorrect however. Two months later, on his June 23rd blog post, film critic Simon Harrison alleged that this remark was true, in part, because Uwe Boll's deceased grandfather was none other than executed Nazi War criminal Herman Lorre. So far Boll has not responded to the allegation"
What the fook?
2:08PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
2:00PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
2:00PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
1:51PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
1:49PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Maybe he could also give out furry plush Krotchy dolls.... *throws up a little bit in mouth*
Maybe he could also give out furry plush Krotchy dolls.... *throws up a little bit in mouth*
1:39PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
1:31PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
1:28PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
1:19PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
Ill be spending my hard earned 50 bucks on the next couple of George Clooney and Michael Bay movies
Ill be spending my hard earned 50 bucks on the next couple of George Clooney and Michael Bay movies
1:16PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
If only Mr. Boll can wait for February 30th to cash the check, I'm a bit short on the welfare money as of now.
If only Mr. Boll can wait for February 30th to cash the check, I'm a bit short on the welfare money as of now.
1:09PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
1:08PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
12:58PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile
If he expects anything from me mind,I will happily give him my snot collection.
I will evan pay the postage for him,if he's that desperate.
If he expects anything from me mind,I will happily give him my snot collection.
I will evan pay the postage for him,if he's that desperate.
12:52PM on 02/13/2009 Add as a friend | MFC profile