IT’S THE BOOZE TALKIN: Are scary movies still scary?

Last Updated on July 23, 2021

Are Scary Movies Still Scary?

I’ve been watching horror movies for thirty years and quite honestly can say they’ve had a big part in the type of person I am today. Oddly enough, it’s that sculpting of my personality that has left me feeling empty with the modern era of horror films. Nothing seems to get under my skin the way it used to. Is this because of repetitiveness, a lack of quality, or simply my thick skin finally setting in for good? Let’s take a look at some of the most modern used formulas of the horror genre and figure out what still works…. if anything.

Are creepy kids still scary? Hell no. I don’t care if there’s hordes of them, or how long and greasy their hair is, or if they’re dead, I can’t help but imagine when push comes to shove and my life is on the line – I will fuck a kid up. Mix in some supernatural powers or a nice little twist (see: ORPHAN) and we might be able to salvage an uncomfortable situation or two. For the most part though, they’re just as annoying as their clueless parents and the cliche bullshit they all go through together.

Are zombies still scary? Hardly. The zombie film is more about really cool kill scenes any more. There’s really only one way to use zombies, but there’s a million ways to kill them. The fact that twelve of these films come out every Tuesday doesn’t help their scare factor. People actually want a zombie apocalypse nowadays. Think about that, there’s been so many movies, books, comics, and video games made about the undead, people are getting bored with the stories and want the real thing. Nobody is scared of this shit – until, of course, it actually happens and the whole planet is wiped out in a couple days. Talk shit then.

Are vampires still scary? Fuck off. The TWILIGHT generation has all but sexually violated the skeletal remains of Bram Stoker when it comes to the state of this genre. When the most famous vampire in the world appears in Bop! Magazine a thousand more times a year than he does in Fangoria Magazine we need to take a step back, as fans, and punch ourselves in the face (does Bop! Magazine still exist? I feel ancient right now.).

Maybe it’s the booze talkin’ but I could go on and on with paragraphs just like the ones above. Whether it be about ghosts, or monsters, or demons, or serial killers, or whatever – it’s rare to find a horror film that doesn’t have that been-there-done-that cloud hanging over it’s premise. Comedies still make me laugh. Action films can still amaze me. Is it too much to ask that somebody scare the living hell out of me once in a while?

Thanks to any and everybody that has ever read these rants over the last few years. The column will go on but I’m officially out of booze.