Saw 2: Diary #3

Last Updated on July 28, 2021

SAW 2 Production Journal
Volume #3

My life is starting to feel like GROUNDHOG DAY.
Red-eye to Toronto on Sunday night.
Get to set at 7:00 am Monday morning. Work 12 or more hours. Get
something to eat (washed down by a few cocktails). Catch some sleep.
Repeat the process for 5 more days.
Get on a plane Friday night and head home for the weekend.
Start the process over again on Sunday.
Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
I saw a rough edit of a few scenes we’ve shot and it appears that this
Bousman kid we were crazy enough to hire actually might have some talent.
 

He can’t close with girls –even Hungarian strippers — but he CAN
shoot a movie. If any women out
there are willing to help Darren overcome his chronic shyness with women, please
email me a note and a picture in care of Joblo or Arrow and I’ll forward
appropriate candidates to Darren. Hell,
I’ll even spring for the ticket to Toronto (if you don’t live within three
hours driving distance), give you a tour of the set and a SAW 2 baseball cap if
you’ll help Darren make the transition from boy to man.
Seriously.

Well, the body count went up dramatically this week, as did
the number of blood-stains on the floor. I’m
not going to tell you who bit it and how, however, as that would spoil your fun
this coming Halloween weekend. We’ve
instituted maximum-security lockdown on the set in an effort to protect all the
twists, turns and plot surprises. Anyone not directly involved in the ending of the film has
only received the first 88 pages of the script.
Anytime we make changes to the script, the old pages are put through the
shredder (a lot of trees have sacrificed themselves for the good of SAW 2), and
all the cast and crew members have to sign confidentially agreements stating
they won’t reveal plot details.  

Any
unauthorized person caught on set is taken to the back of stage, wrapped in duct
tape, had a 10K light chained to his or her leg (that’s a pretty big light for
those of you who don’t already know), set on fire, and pitched into Lake
Ontario. As if those measures
aren’t enough, we actually didn’t include a portion of the ending in the
shooting script. It will be given
to the actors required to perform the action just prior to actually shooting it.
All this stealth shit is kinda cool.

One of the unique aspects of being on location shooting a
movie is what I call “the tribal effect.”
It usually starts happening sometime during the second week of shooting.
When you spend a minimum of twelve hours a day with the same group of
people without much outside stimuli you tend to bond with people much more
quickly than you might otherwise – in effect creating a tribe.
 

Especially when you’re the out-of-towner visitors, you tend to look
inward to your tribe for entertainment. It’s
why romances happen so often on movie sets.
I wish I could report that Shawnee, Beverley, Emmanuelle and I formed a
polyamorous love sandwich with me the happy Mack Daddy pleasing all of them, but
sadly that’s not the case.

What’s happened on the SAW 2 set, however, is that things
have gotten vulgar and sophomoric quite quickly — like a great big frat house.
For example, Frankie G. takes great delight in sneaking up on small
groups of people talking, making a fart noise and disappearing into the shadows,
leaving everyone wondering who cut the cheese.
Darren’s bowels have also become a regular topic of conversation, as
has the topic of genital grooming. Emmanuelle
began weaving an intricate tale involving her budding romance with Billy the
puppet, and how they spend most nights making “sweet puppet love.” 

The other
night Glenn Plummer was discussing the merits of the push-up bra on women, and
began wondering why there wasn’t a male equivalent.
Suddenly, he had an idea. Without
taking up too much precious column space, let’s just say the idea revolved
around a small window cut into the crotch of men’s jeans, revealing not the
complete length of the penis, but only the width of the penis at the root.
Hence, the “Man-Root” jean was born.
The notion of the “Man-Berry” jean was also discussed.
You get the idea.

But enough of Sociology 101. What you really want to see are some babes, so I give you
Beverley and Emmanuelle doing an awesome “WB Pose” at dinner. (see photo
below)

One piece of the action
involved a knee to the groin. Not
content with just the knee, our petite female stunt coordinator Alison thought
it would be better if it was a snap kick to the groin as opposed to the knee.
Frankie and Glenn were a bit resistant, so looking to demonstrate how
effective the move is, Ali took my arm and turned me towards her. Before I
realized what was happening, she kicked my legs slightly open and snapped a
vicious kick directly at my crotch. The
idea of this stunt is actually to allow the foot to bypass the groin and kick
the butt.  

However, it was warm on set and I was hanging…well…a bit
low that morning. According
to reports, my eyes momentarily popped wide like a character in a Looney Tunes
cartoon. Glenn and Frankie both
fell to the floor laughing and production was halted for a good 10 minutes.
When they recovered, they quickly decided that a knee would indeed
suffice.

Once again, I leave you all with a few quotes heard in and
around Video Village –

Something’s stuck in my nose.
It won’t come out so it can’t be a booger.

Hey Darren, do you mind getting off my coattails?