Saw 2: Diary #3

SAW 2 Production Journal
Volume #3

My life is starting to feel like GROUNDHOG DAY. Red-eye to Toronto on Sunday night. Get to set at 7:00 am Monday morning. Work 12 or more hours. Get something to eat (washed down by a few cocktails). Catch some sleep. Repeat the process for 5 more days. Get on a plane Friday night and head home for the weekend. Start the process over again on Sunday. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I saw a rough edit of a few scenes we’ve shot and it appears that this Bousman kid we were crazy enough to hire actually might have some talent.  

He can’t close with girls --even Hungarian strippers -- but he CAN shoot a movie. If any women out there are willing to help Darren overcome his chronic shyness with women, please email me a note and a picture in care of Joblo or Arrow and I’ll forward appropriate candidates to Darren. Hell, I’ll even spring for the ticket to Toronto (if you don’t live within three hours driving distance), give you a tour of the set and a SAW 2 baseball cap if you’ll help Darren make the transition from boy to man. Seriously.

Well, the body count went up dramatically this week, as did the number of blood-stains on the floor. I’m not going to tell you who bit it and how, however, as that would spoil your fun this coming Halloween weekend. We’ve instituted maximum-security lockdown on the set in an effort to protect all the twists, turns and plot surprises. Anyone not directly involved in the ending of the film has only received the first 88 pages of the script. Anytime we make changes to the script, the old pages are put through the shredder (a lot of trees have sacrificed themselves for the good of SAW 2), and all the cast and crew members have to sign confidentially agreements stating they won’t reveal plot details.  

Any unauthorized person caught on set is taken to the back of stage, wrapped in duct tape, had a 10K light chained to his or her leg (that’s a pretty big light for those of you who don’t already know), set on fire, and pitched into Lake Ontario. As if those measures aren’t enough, we actually didn’t include a portion of the ending in the shooting script. It will be given to the actors required to perform the action just prior to actually shooting it. All this stealth shit is kinda cool.

One of the unique aspects of being on location shooting a movie is what I call “the tribal effect.” It usually starts happening sometime during the second week of shooting. When you spend a minimum of twelve hours a day with the same group of people without much outside stimuli you tend to bond with people much more quickly than you might otherwise – in effect creating a tribe.  

Especially when you’re the out-of-towner visitors, you tend to look inward to your tribe for entertainment. It’s why romances happen so often on movie sets. I wish I could report that Shawnee, Beverley, Emmanuelle and I formed a polyamorous love sandwich with me the happy Mack Daddy pleasing all of them, but sadly that’s not the case.

What’s happened on the SAW 2 set, however, is that things have gotten vulgar and sophomoric quite quickly -- like a great big frat house. For example, Frankie G. takes great delight in sneaking up on small groups of people talking, making a fart noise and disappearing into the shadows, leaving everyone wondering who cut the cheese. Darren’s bowels have also become a regular topic of conversation, as has the topic of genital grooming. Emmanuelle began weaving an intricate tale involving her budding romance with Billy the puppet, and how they spend most nights making “sweet puppet love.” 

The other night Glenn Plummer was discussing the merits of the push-up bra on women, and began wondering why there wasn’t a male equivalent. Suddenly, he had an idea. Without taking up too much precious column space, let’s just say the idea revolved around a small window cut into the crotch of men’s jeans, revealing not the complete length of the penis, but only the width of the penis at the root. Hence, the “Man-Root” jean was born. The notion of the “Man-Berry” jean was also discussed. You get the idea.

But enough of Sociology 101. What you really want to see are some babes, so I give you Beverley and Emmanuelle doing an awesome “WB Pose” at dinner. (see photo below)

One piece of the action involved a knee to the groin. Not content with just the knee, our petite female stunt coordinator Alison thought it would be better if it was a snap kick to the groin as opposed to the knee. Frankie and Glenn were a bit resistant, so looking to demonstrate how effective the move is, Ali took my arm and turned me towards her. Before I realized what was happening, she kicked my legs slightly open and snapped a vicious kick directly at my crotch. The idea of this stunt is actually to allow the foot to bypass the groin and kick the butt.  

However, it was warm on set and I was hanging…well…a bit low that morning. According to reports, my eyes momentarily popped wide like a character in a Looney Tunes cartoon. Glenn and Frankie both fell to the floor laughing and production was halted for a good 10 minutes. When they recovered, they quickly decided that a knee would indeed suffice.

Once again, I leave you all with a few quotes heard in and around Video Village –

Something’s stuck in my nose. It won’t come out so it can’t be a booger.

Hey Darren, do you mind getting off my coattails?

Source: JoBlo.com



Latest Movie News Headlines