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Hatchet 2(2010)
Written by: The Arrow
Director: Adam Green

Danielle Harris/marybeth
Kane Hodder/Crowley
Tony Todd/Rev. Zombie
Tom Holland/Bob
5 10
Hatchet II picks up where Hatchet left off. Lone survivor Mary Beth (now played by Danielle Harris) survives deformed killer Victor Crowley's (Kane Hodder) final attack, heads back into town and tags up with Tony Todd and a group of redneck hunters. She leads them back into the swamp in search of her loved ones corpses and with the hopes of ending Crowley's reign of mayhem once and for all. Let the fun begin?
Before I get into this; here's where I am coming from. I loved Adam Green's HATCHET; it was an old school, side splitting, gore happy, tittie flashing US slasher with a pair of big Rottweiler stones between its paws. And I am also pumped to see Green's FROZEN (which I have yet to tap); it looks fly and the word of yapper has been nothing but positive. So when I walked into the HATCHET 2 screening, I had ZERO doubt that I would love it. Green seems to have similar sensitivities as me, blood shed, broads, metal, a man from my own heart. So you can imagine my surprise when HATCHET 2 unraveled before my retinas and I couldn't get into it. Whaaaa? How did that happen!

On a positive note; once HATCHET II got going it f*cking did it in a fun, no holds barred and messy way. The graphic and totally off the wall kills found here were pretty much the sole reason I cracked some wide ass smiles. I'm talking intestines ripped out, jaw pulled off, hatchet up the ass, ripped off head...the works. The flick really went all out with the murders and I appreciated that. The random humor bits worked for me too with one scene having to do with a talkative dame getting a meat injection while being on all fours having me rolling in the aisles to become a joint smoked by Cheech and Chong. That's the HATCHET II I was looking for for 90 minutes! Furthermore some of the cast was bang on. Genre favs Danielle Harris (who took over the role that Tamara Feldman played in Hatchet) was fantastic in the lead (and was pleasant to the eyes too...as always), the talented AJ Bowen came through once again with his affable show, Kane Hodder took me aback with the range he displayed here (didn't know he had it in him) while Tony Todd went from solid to deliciously hammy. The flick was also ably shot with slick cinematography, one boo scare got me real good and the slew of horror friendly references (Voorhees, Leslie Vernon) and cast members (writer/director Tom Holland, director/effect wizard John Carl Buechler, Lloyd Kaufman and more!) brought wood to my wand. Finally, the ample TNA with Sarah Agor giving up the goods in spades touched me...down there.

On the flipside, shit, it actually pains me to write this... I pretty much loathed the rest of the film. The first 30 minutes of HATCHET II bored me to tears. The drama was augmented and the Crowley back-story was expanded too much for my liking... and the fact that it took so long to vomit out didn't help its case either. But I survived that and let it go. My main peeves had to do with the humor and the characters. As we all know humor is highly subjective, you either connect with it or you don't. I gelled with the yuk-yuks in the first HATCHET, here I wasn't so lucky. The moron characters spitting out "funny" stuff, that went over my head, grated the shit out of me. I didn't give a choco fudge about anybody in this picture which is semi fine, its a slasher. But what brought the pain, was that I had to endure this ANNOYING lot for way too long before they checked out. I wanted to stab my ears with chop-sticks and quit meat...and I love steak! Colton Dunn as the forever wise cracking Vernon was prime example of the latter point; for Zeus sakes, kill me now man! That character drove me insane! He should've bought the farm and re-sold it 10 seconds in. But alas that was not the case. The augmentation of the supernatural angle didn't do it for me either, I wished Crowley and his raison d'etre would have remained simple; sometimes less is more and that saying rang true in this respect. And was it me or did the flick create a plot hole (as to HOW Crowley "can" be put to death) by not following its own internal logic? The last nail in the coffin was some of the acting which went from average to amateur hour... but hey what do I know!

I'm actually bummed to write this review, I love HATCHET and dig Adam Green's filmmaker M.O. Taking an unrated flick out there and putting it all on the line for it has to be respected. But what can I say? Wasn't my bag. In the quest of giving us a bigger and badder HATCHET via this sequel, it got too bloated for me.. Sniffles...

The kills here were creative and red wet fun! Intestine choking, jaw ripped off, face sliced off, two peeps sawed in half, one dude derived of his skin (awesome set piece) and much and I mean MUCH more.
T & A
Tits, pussy, ass and more tits! Think Girls Gone Wild with red grub!
I hate that I didn't love HATCHET II. Does that make sense? And I hate that I hated lots of it as well. Does that make sense? HATCHET II sported a lumbering pace early on, some shoddy dialogue/acting by the side players, a back story that went too far and a plot line that became too bloated for its own good. Female flesh was in the house, Green's genius popped out now and again (that girl that got it doggy was one for the Necronomicon) and once the INSANE murders got going I was having a hoot. But on a whole consider me mucho let down by HATCHET II. In my opinion, if your sense of humor is in tune with HATCHET II's vibe, you'll be okay, if not, you may be screwed...
Adam Green recently said that he wouldn't do a Hatchet III.

Hatchet II was produced by Dark Sky Films, where Hatchet was done by Anchor Bay.