REVIEW: Bitch Slap

PLOT: When three hotties get together to steal a bunch of diamonds, things get bloody. It seems they are not the only ones looking for something worth lots of moolah. But either way, these ladies are ready for action, whether that be guns a blazin’ or girl on girl action (yes, you heard me right), they go all the way. If you want a modern take on the exploitation sub-genre, you could do worse than BITCH SLAP.

REVIEW: It’s finally here. The one movie that we’ve all been waiting for. And no, I don’t mean AVATAR. I’m talking BITCH SLAP. It’s been two years or so since we started hearing about this T & A extravaganza and now, it is finally here. This tale of three hotties, Trixie, Hel and Camaro (Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America Olivo) is loaded with violence, guns and cleavage. It all begins as bloodshed and violence has already left its mark, and a gorgeous young lady seems to have survived. But not all is what it seems, as the story unfolds in sort of a Tarantino goes camp manner, we soon find out exactly what happened on this black day. And trusty me, all you need to do is watch the trailer and you know there is not a serious moment that follows.

The first twenty minutes or so of Bitch Slap are amazing. This is a wildly energetic parody of all those blood, sex and violence action flicks that came before. After all, director Rick Jacobson has directed a number of television shows including “Xena: Warrior Princess”, “She Spies” and “Baywatch” among others. He knows the type of film he is making and it may just be a little better for it. And not surprisingly, he brings along a couple of actors from his previous work including Lucy Lawless, Kevin Sorbo and Renee O’Connor (Xena’s trusty sidekick, Gabrielle). It even features an all too quick cameo from Zoe Bell, who happens to be credited with stunt coordinator. If you don’t know who these people are, then I can already tell you that this is not the movie for you.

While Bitch Slap is played with an over-the-top seriousness, it doesn’t even try to fool us that it takes itself seriously. One of the brightest moments include the three girls, digging a hole in the middle of the desert for reasons I won‘t give here, and they start to get really… well, hot! Can you see where this is going? Let’s just say, water is poured and the girls are soaking wet, and it lasts a long, damn time. In fact, almost EVERYTHING lasts too damn long. The fight sequences, the sex scenes, and the green screen loving action scenes. Hell, the last half hour is just one fight after another, but not quite as entertaining as the “classic” bit of kick ass from John Carpenter's THEY LIVE. I’m not saying that the overkill was fatal, but sometimes, I just wondered if it would’ve been too much to cut off a good fifteen minutes of this already short film.

As far as the sex and violence goes, it is pure exploitation and proud of it. In fact, the poor bastard that has to deal with the three ladies first gets messed up really bad in true B-movie style. Yet it all feels very appropriate for a movie called Bitch Slap. The only thing that didn’t feel appropriate was the lack of nudity. Sure we have busty babes that the camera loves to explore, but aside from a soaking wet dress, you don’t really see much of them. I was surprised at how safe it ways in that aspect. Not to worry though, these ladies didn’t need to shed the clothes to look hot. And as far as acting goes, they all did fine for the type of flick they were making, but I have to give credit to Erin Cummings. Not only was she on fire appearance wise, but she handled the silly dialogue like a pro. I believed she could kick my arse, and you know what? That’s really hot. Although, just for the record, while I though America was a little too excessive, she was still sexy as hell and she could definitely kick my arse.

The most important thing I can say is that I had a good time for the most part. But somewhere going into the second act, the energy wore off a little, and it didn’t feel as exciting as it should have. Thankfully it picked up a little bit towards the end, aside from the absurdly long fight sequence. I had fun, but I think this could’ve been something even better. Maybe tighten it up, and get that editor to work on a couple of overly long sequences, and it may have been fantastic. Either way, if you are into exploitation, and some smoking hot ladies that could beat you to a bloody pulp, you might want to check this out. If this isn’t your cup of tea, might I recommend anything else. My rating 6.5/10 -- JimmyO