The Transporter 2

You need something or someone important driven around? Don’t hesitate to call this man, as that is what he does and he does it…very well. Oh, he also gets into all kinds of hot water as he drives folks about, proceeding then, to kick buttocks into oblivion and drive some more! Frank Martin…you are the Transporter…again!!

Maybe it was because the two online clips that I had seen of this film kicked so much ass, that I was expecting a lot more of the film to do the same, but in the end, much like the original TRANSPORTER, this movie delivers in the basic ingredients of all films based in popcorn and that is mindless action, sequences of ass-kicking, a fun lead character for whom you can root, and a decent array of cool cars, hot chicks, heavy weaponry and the great Jason Statham whipping asses and neglecting to take names. If you actually go into this picture attempting to find any common sense in its plotline, you might want to have your head examined afterwards, as that is not exactly why the filmmakers created this cinematic marshmallow. It was made to deliver in the pure and unadulterated form of entertainment, with little between your brain’s lower functions and the pretty colors being kicked about on the big screen. In other words, if you’re gonna sit around and try to figure out how a man can flip a car over in mid-air, have a bomb attached to its chassis rub up against a hook dangling in said mid-air, knock it off, then flip the car back around and land (safely, natch!) and keep going, you should probably check out THE CONSTANT GARDENER instead, which I understand, has the thrills and the brains. This film…well, it’s got the thrills, but the brains…just like most toys and their batteries: not included (what was with that Jamaican cab driver coming out of nowhere?!).

All that fun stuff aside though, I was still a little disappointed in the flick overall (I still like the first one better—I watched it again on DVD several times and have learned to appreciate it that much more), as it seemed to spend a little too much time on its lame-ass plot featuring a blue-neon virus or some shit, too many close-ups of Statham and Valletta seemingly flirting with one another, and something that continues to annoy me about most contemporary action movies and that is the over-edited fight sequences, cut to the speed of light, such that you can barely make anything out. Seeing as this director had done such a better job in that respect in this year’s underrated UNLEASHED, I was surprised to find so many quick-cuts in this movie, but alas…that’s Hollywood, I guess. In the end though, can you really go wrong with a movie that features a statuesque Brigitte Nielsen-type strutting out of a building in tall red stilettos, holding two mini-machine guns in her arms, and nothing else on herself but a bra, panties and stalkings…with most people on the streets barely noticing? Classic shite. Despite the film not delivering the perfect blend of fun, story and entertainment, it flew by at a clip’s pace, featured a handful of memorable action sequences (most during the film’s final half hour—fisticuffs as the plane dives headlong into the sea…classic!), some cool car chases, a hottie with blazin’ guns and a loner-lead hero who you can’t help but want to zonk ass. The man’s name: Jason Statham. Put him in a black suit and let him kick ass, I say. Great concept for a movie! I only wish they’d have included yet another shirtless scene of him slicked up in oil and crunching booty. Then again, there’s always TRANSPORTER 3: STILL DELIVERIN’! PS: What the hell happened to the great score from the original? Didn’t hear it once here.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian