Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Jason Statham!

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant


The Case

The Prosecution: War, Ghosts of Mars, The One, Cellular, Chaos, War, Death Race, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, 13, Blitz, Killer Elite, Parker

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the prosecution has heard your pleas for justice and today we will prove that Jason Statham has committed several serious crimes. Although the actor showed promise in Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, it's been antihero role after antihero role for Mr. Statham. The prosecution feels that Mr. Statham will star in almost any film that requires the actor to: 1. wear a nice suit that will eventually be torn off to showcase Mr. Statham's physique, 2. at all times glare at everyone and everything including inanimate objects, puppies and Betty White, and/or 3. be "that British guy" which usually just means playing a more violent version of Simon Cowell.

Furthermore, many actors have had great careers even though they've been typecasted yet Mr. Statham doesn't even use this to his advantage. The prosecution could very easily see Mr. Statham playing a criminal in a Martin Scorsese film or have a part in something by director Nicolas Winding Refn but instead the actor tends to star in uninspired and generic movies like Chaos, Killer Elite and Cellular. Even the movies Mr. Statham star in that sound like they have an interesting premise (Ghosts of Mars, The One, 13) end up being disappointing and bland. Plenty of action stars have dabbled in comedies, romantic dramas and other genres so why does it seem to be difficult for Mr. Statham to find more diverse roles and appear in different types of movies?

Just because Mr. Statham can look cool and kick ass doesn't mean the prosecution is afraid of the actor (well maybe just a little) and we demand that he serve at least one year in Movie Jail and three years of probation. During that time Mr. Statham will also not be allowed to have any contact with Uwe Boll, Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson or anybody that wants him in another f*cking movie that involves him constantly driving a vehicle.


The Defense: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, The Transporter Series, The Italian Job, Crank, The Bank Job, Crank: High Voltage, The Expendables, The Mechanic, Safe, The Expendables 2

Ladies and gentlemen, the defense doesn't think the prosecution understands Mr. Statham's role in the film world. Movies NEED actors like Mr. Statham. Although he hasn't had a colossus hit that was as big as some of the films by the legendary action stars from the 80's and 90's like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis, Mr. Statham is in many ways this generation's version of those actors or at least the second tier guys like Wesley Snipes and JCVD. If you're going to see a movie and the poster has Mr. Statham holding a gun you probably have a pretty good idea of how the film is going to play out. Mr. Statham is a welcomed throwback to those actors from the last two decades: a muscular but resourceful hero that doesn't take shit from anyone and has no problems getting dirty.  Why do you think Stallone wanted him for The Expendables and the sequel?

Mr. Statham also completely owns in those type of roles. Movies like the ones from The Transporter series and Crank know exactly what they are and Mr. Statham brings exactly what is needed to those films. And the actor is aware of when he needs to play a milder version of his usual character type in less energetic films like The Bank Job, The Mechanic and Safe. So while the defense may say he constantly plays an antihero there are variations to that character type that Mr. Statham does utilize and he does it well.

The question is do you really want to see Jason Statham in a Matthew McConaughey level romantic comedy or the latest adaptation of a God awful Nicholas Sparks book? No you want to see Mr. Statham punch, kick, drive, shoot and f*ck his way to the end of the movie and you'll cheer the entire time. Because that's what Jason Statham is supposed to do.



So does the prosecution have a case against Jason Statham? Should he be tossed in a cell next to Gerard Butler in Movie Jail? Or is he an actor that knows what his audience likes and delivers on those expectations? The decision is up to you: GUILTY or NOT GUILTY for Jason Statham?         


*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.





In the case against Ray Liotta from last week, the jury has found the actor NOT GUILTY of all charges. There were a few members that wanted to have him tossed into Movie Jail but most of the jury felt that no one does unhinged and crazy like Mr. Liotta, even if it has typecasted him a little bit. Many used some of his most recent films (Killing Them Softly, The Place Beyond the Pines, The Iceman)  as evidence that while the actor will occasionally appear in a bad movie he also knows how to pick quality films to star in as well.


GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta


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