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01.23.2015by: Jake Dee

Top 10 Fatal Attractions!

Hey now, anyone else develop a torrid obsession with all these, well, torrid obsession movies that seem to drop every year? You know, the kind where a jilted lover of sorts can't handle their rejection, completely unravels and devolves into a psycho-obsessive-stalker who may or may not lash out with ill intentions? Yeah well, call it a guilty pleasure if you must, these insipid little thrillers never fail to entertain. They're too stupid! And as you might know, the latest siren to try her hand at the form is Jennifer Lopez (that ass though still!), who headlines what looks to be a ridiculous example of such movie, THE BOY NEXT DOOR. Now I understand there are some gender reversals going on in the flick, but the gist still applies - a forbidden affair ends with a some sort of psycho-stalker-standoff. Rote and trampled as it might be, it's good enough to inspire this week's Top 10. Ladies, gents...both are included...slam it up top to undress our Top 10 Fatal Attractions!

#10. REBECCA EVANS (THE ROOMMATE)

It's common knowledge that the only thought that could possibly be provoked after seeing the incomprehensibly brainless girl-on-girl obsession flick THE ROOMMATE is whether or not you'd rather shtoop: Minka Kelly or Leighton Meester. And truthfully, I think I'm a Meester man! On the real though, THE ROOMMATE is a pretty entertaining deformity of a mangled SINGLE WHITE FEMALE cribbed-offspring. It's basically the same sitch. We get an overly-clingy nubile coed, Becca, whose fondness for her new roommate, Sara, grows far too extreme. Becca starts resembling Sara, which spirals into a jealously-fueled torrent of violence. Hilariously PMSy and PG-13, but violent nonetheless!

#9. LISA (OBSESSED)

What a lecherous, home-wrecking little trollop Ali Larter was in OBSESSED, the utterly asinine PG-13 stalk-and-destroy flick also starring Beyonce and Idris Elba. Wow. The stunning blond siren - an absolute paragon of icy femme fatales - starts off likeable enough, almost suspiciously so, as she ingratiates herself to her new boss played by Elba (Stringer Bell's still a boss!) But soon, as she cozies-up closer and closer to Elba, a sexual advance of the most nefarious kind sets in motion a firestorm of estrogen-laced vengeance. Cue Sasha Fierce's frightening war-face and steel-cage match intensity, as she and Larter roll around and share pulled hair and open fisted slaps. Silliness of the highest order, yes, but so damn entertaining.

#8. MAX (THE RESIDENT)

Good gracious...how'd a movie with Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Hilary Swank end up this goddamn uninspiring? Jaw-droppingly entertaining, I'll grant you, but wow, so clearly a slight variation on the fatal attraction theme we've seen time and time again. Here Swank plays a Doctor, who after a tough break-up, lives alone in a new Brooklyn loft. Feeling constantly watched and unsafe however, it turns out Swank's landlord (Morgan) has developed a slimy subrosa infatuation with his new tenant. He peeps, he spies, he sexually violates (like Baldwin in SLIVER or Kinski in CRAWLSPACE) before she finally catches wind and mounts a full-blown retributive assault on the motherf*cker!

#7. IVY (POISON IVY)

Not sure why, but I feel POISON IVY somehow feels rightly welcomed by this surrounding cadre of fatally-obsessive-seductive-stalker types. Don't you agree? And not for nothing, you ever see Jaime Pressly or Alyssa Milano in the horrid, semi-soft-core sequels? Holy f*ck! Both long served as my go-to pre-internet stroke-tapes, tried and true! And now I'm nostalgic! Anyway, the original POISON IVY with Drew Barrymore, Sara Gilbert and Tom Skerritt is an effective and pretty tawdry dismantling of the family unit, with the patriarch falling prey to his daughter's sleazy-seductress besty. Ivy worms her way into the home, gloms on to the family, uses her friend to sate her lusty desires.

#6. MARTIN BURNEY (SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY)

Remember when Julia Roberts was a big deal? Yeah well the height of her popularity post-PRETTY WOMAN found herself in deep hiding from a psycho-obsessive hubby in SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. Not a great flick, but not a bad one either. In fact, I sort of reminded of it when seeing GONE GIRL this past fall, which is a great flick. Anyway, Roberts plays a young woman who fakes her own death so she can escape the utter hell of a marriage she mistakenly threw herself into. But forever faithful, old Patrick Bergin upholds his till-death-do-us-part vows by doggedly, maddeningly tracking his wife down and brutally butchering her deceptive ass. But he's just a fully unhinged whack-job without much of a plan beyond that, and it's Jules he exacts revenge.

#5. OFFICER PETE DAVIS (UNLAWFUL ENTRY)

Three words. Liotta and Russell! That's a burly enough combo on its own worthy of reverence, but when you consider the juicily apt plotline of the 1992 obsessive-surveillance thriller UNLAWFUL ENTRY - we're in double trouble! When Russell and his wife Madeleine Stowe get a home-invasion scare one night, they feel awfully safe and reassured when charming copper Liotta shows up to check the place out. Soon Liotta latches on to the family tough, showing up unannounced, suggesting the they install a surveillance camera, advancing more and more upon Stowe's sexy ass. But enough's enough. When our man Russell finally proves Liotta is a psychopathic miscreant in high abuse of the law, he takes matters into his own hands and regulates.

#4. DAVID MCCALL (FEAR)

Whoa now. When was the last time you caught a peek at young Marky Mark going full psycho-stalker-mastermind in James Foley's FEAR, co-starring Reese Witherspoon and William Peterson? I was surprised when I peeped it for the first time not too long ago, as it's actually pretty delicious piece of entertainment. Not only to see Marky go from a slick-talking high-school hunk to a fully deranged, steroidal lunatic with grand schemes of evil intent. Like the way he amusingly toys with Reese's pops, Bill Peterson, who not only becomes implicated for many of the crimes Wahlberg frames him for, but the utter emasculation he subjects him to early on his downright hysterical. Of course in the end he rises up and dishes ol' funky bunch a dose of a his own murderous medicine.

#3. MS. MOTT/PEYTON FLANDERS (THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE)

Short of golden-era Hollywood noirs, few femme fatales have been as both icily calculating and smolderingly hot as Rebecca De Mornay in THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE. What a sexy-psycho-hose-beast, just as she was 20 years later in MOTHER'S DAY. But there's an extra cruel and nefarious bit of foul play in HAND, when, after her hubby commits suicide, Peyton Flanders slowly ingratiates herself into an idyllic, unsuspecting family with newborn baby. Shite's pure evil. Flanders earns family trust and perverts it with baleful intent, all the while endangering the baby. I always forget Curtis Hanson directed the flick (L.A. CONFIDENTIAL, 8 MILE) from an Amanda Silver script (DAWN OF THE APES, AVATAR 2, 3.

#2. HEDRA CARLSON (SINGLE WHITE FEMALE)

Oh dear, two ginger-headed shorthairs of inglorious psychosis in the same Manhattan apartment? F*ck me! No, seriously girls, f*ck me! 23 year later and SINGLE WHITE FEMALE still holds suit as one of the best examples of the obsessive-compulsive, identity assuming stalker-type...this time played quite menacingly by the all of 5-foot-3 Jennifer Jason Leigh (won an MTV Award for Best Villain in fact). Bridget Fonda plays the victimized dainty, who, upon realizing her new roommate has become a little too close for comfort (the red hair, damn it!), must stand tall and defeat her lethal Lilliputian foe. And that she does with style! That said, JJL is one of the sexiest, most violent and vicious clingers we've ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on.

#1. ALEX FORREST (FATAL ATTRACTION)

Stop, you already knew the most inspirational of fatal attractions, ahem, comes courtesy of big-dick Michael Douglas right? Too bad Alex Forrest (Glenn Close) was fixing to soften his balls faster than the New England Patriots. Sheesh. Seriously, where so often these types of flicks are lucky to elevate above glorified b-movie status, FATAL ATTRACTION is an undoubted A-list production all around, from its Oscar caliber cast to its superb direction by Adrian Lyne. And just as it's set the bar in terms of above and below the line talent for this sort of story, it's clearly the progenitive paradigm that the flicks #1-9 have closely abided by, if not flat out parroted. Simply, it's the holy grail of f*cked-up-psycho-stalker characters that remains memorable for Close's Oscar nominated tour-de-force.

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