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Top 10: Asses #1

07.02.2009by: Matt Withers
After the last Top 10 it only seemed fair to offer some balance and assess some horror asses! Judging from the bullets spit last time ya'll won't be mad at me for doing so. Fair warning, this week's list may be a bit more controversial. Linnea Quigley ain't on it, and sadly, neither is SuperMarcey (though I tried for ya'll. I really did).

The main question with a list like this is simple yet surprisingly complex - what makes a great ass? Curve, amplitude, where the cleft lies are all important considerations. But there's also how a woman works it to keep in mind. Plus the indefinable qualities that take some subpar booty's and lift them above the fray.

You may have figured by this point that I'm a big fan of the back cleavage. Which means I know there's to be no agreement on a list like this. So have fun with it, spit bullets on the butts you think I must be blind to have left off, and don't forget if you're checking this out at work to CYA!!

WARNING - DELICIOUS KEISTER'S (AND SOME NSFW LINKS) AHEAD!

10. Kristina Klebe, ROB ZOMBIE'S HALLOWEEN


NSFW examples

Gotta love Kris in this flick. She's sassy, aggressive, and totally unselfconscious about her extensive nudity. That's a pretty intense mix. Plus she has the distinction of being the only woman on this list who treats us to a little back vag glimpse in her ass shot. Let me tell you, I do appreciate the fact that she went the extra mile.


A closer look...

9. Maggie Grace, THE FOG


I'm not a huge fan of lithely put together babes, but Maggie Grace gets a lot of credit for making even one scene from THE FOG remake worth watching. Something about watching a lady in underwear with a smallish shirt on hits an archetypal need, even when the butt isn't top shelf. Fortunately in this case, it is.


A closer look...

8. Jordana Brewster, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING

Even though I liked the TCM remake, I wasn't at all excited to go back for this prequel. Until they dropped this pic of Jordana Brewster on us. Tight jeans? Check. Imminent jeopardy? Check. High likelihood of crack escapage? Check. Round, lovely and crawling for your life is a perfectly acceptable way for a lass to go in horror land.


A closer look...

7. Kate Hudson, THE SKELETON KEY

I may not understand her choice in men, but it's easy to see what draws dudes to Hudson. It's tough to be as thin as she is and have anything going on 'round back. Often times the skinny chicks have pretty droopy butts because you need muscle and fat to make that area sing. Certainly not Sir-Mix-Alot territory here, but any ass man worth his badge is gonna be psyched to get his hands on this specimen.


A closer look...

6. Crystal Lowe, WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END


For reasons that should be obvious from the opening pic, I love Crystal Lowe's assets. But even more, I love this look from WT2. I mean what more perfect horror scenario than a hot chick on the beach while an inbred hillbilly comes flying out to get'er? On top of that, the woman in question is a nice genetic mix of Asian and Caucasian leading to clean angular beauty and a significant booty.


A closer look...

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2!
Source: AITH

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12:22PM on 07/03/2009

Quigley

Quigs has just never done it for me deeznuts. Dunno why, just doesn't. But like I said, counter arguments are welcome - just include links to pics to make your case (and make us all a little happier with our day)!
Quigs has just never done it for me deeznuts. Dunno why, just doesn't. But like I said, counter arguments are welcome - just include links to pics to make your case (and make us all a little happier with our day)!
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5:24AM on 07/03/2009
I'm SuperMarcey!
I'm SuperMarcey!
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3:22AM on 07/03/2009

THIS TOP 10 IS ASS-BACKWARDS

I'm sorry but none of these asses would be on my top 10 list and how can you omit Linnea Quigley, Matt? Tiffany Shepis better be included in the top 5 to make up for that!! Also, who's SuperMarcey??
I'm sorry but none of these asses would be on my top 10 list and how can you omit Linnea Quigley, Matt? Tiffany Shepis better be included in the top 5 to make up for that!! Also, who's SuperMarcey??
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12:07AM on 07/03/2009

Ass-Tastic

Matt, this may turn out to be your absolute best list ever! Outstanding work!
Matt, this may turn out to be your absolute best list ever! Outstanding work!
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9:41PM on 07/02/2009

May I suggest...

Vera Farmigra's(sp) rump in Running Scared? O Tiffany Shepis's sweet behind in the Hazing?
Vera Farmigra's(sp) rump in Running Scared? O Tiffany Shepis's sweet behind in the Hazing?
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8:04PM on 07/02/2009
Oops it double posted
Oops it double posted
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7:55PM on 07/02/2009
Awesome first half of the list! No arguements here although, I don't think you tried hard enough for some SuperMarcey ass Matt :p but I am honored to be mentioned! Who knew there was demand for my behind :p

Gotta say Jordana Brewster is hot, and those pics are much appreciated! Looking forward to the next five, hoping Biel is on there!
Awesome first half of the list! No arguements here although, I don't think you tried hard enough for some SuperMarcey ass Matt :p but I am honored to be mentioned! Who knew there was demand for my behind :p

Gotta say Jordana Brewster is hot, and those pics are much appreciated! Looking forward to the next five, hoping Biel is on there!
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7:33PM on 07/02/2009

I am SO hip to this news!!!

[link] Best ass ever?

...Vera Farmiga...YES!
[link] Best ass ever?

...Vera Farmiga...YES!
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5:11PM on 07/02/2009
Can we say "best top 10 ever!" I think we can.

I'm shocked Kate Hudson has such a round and juicy booty.
Can we say "best top 10 ever!" I think we can.

I'm shocked Kate Hudson has such a round and juicy booty.
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5:10PM on 07/02/2009
Can we say "best top 10 ever!" I think we can.
Can we say "best top 10 ever!" I think we can.
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+0
4:22PM on 07/02/2009
That's about the best idea for a list I've ever seen on this site. These asses need to sit on my face. Right fucking now !
That's about the best idea for a list I've ever seen on this site. These asses need to sit on my face. Right fucking now !
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9:50AM on 07/02/2009

HEARD

There was a collective swell calling for this list pumasleeve, and yes, I listen. Part 1 will definitely have some surprises. Of course a lot of the best out there get left off of a list that could have easily been a Top 25 or more. I look forward to the inevitable debate (and hopefully links to pics to make the case)!
There was a collective swell calling for this list pumasleeve, and yes, I listen. Part 1 will definitely have some surprises. Of course a lot of the best out there get left off of a list that could have easily been a Top 25 or more. I look forward to the inevitable debate (and hopefully links to pics to make the case)!
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+0
9:40AM on 07/02/2009

Top Asses

Nice list Great topic focus on the best asses in horror i like but there are so many other asses that should be on this list i wait the part 2
Nice list Great topic focus on the best asses in horror i like but there are so many other asses that should be on this list i wait the part 2
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8:36AM on 07/02/2009

thank you!

I cant help but feel like you heard me. I have a feeling TCM J. Biel will be very near the top...
I cant help but feel like you heard me. I have a feeling TCM J. Biel will be very near the top...
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