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Watch the trailer for Dario Argento's Dracula 3D and wonder how this movie even got made

09.20.2013

I love Dario Argento, but it is becoming damn near impossible to defend the once great filmmaker after seeing the awfulness that is DRACULA 3D. Granted, Argento has been on a steep decline over the last fifteen years and has never matched the greatness of his movies SUSPIRIA, DEEP RED, PHENOMENA, INFERNO, and THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE. All of those movies are essentials for fans of the giallo sub-genre and horror aficionados. But, since then, he has released pretty crappy movies like GIALLO, THE CARD PLAYER, and SLEEPLESS. You would think adapting DRACULA would have made for at least an enjoyable project like his version of THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

But, no. DRACULA 3D looks really f*cking bad. I mean we are talking Uwe Boll levels of crap here. The quality of the footage looks like it was recorded on a cellphone while the sets are porn level at best. Everything about DRACULA 3D screams cheap and not even the presence of his daughter Asia Argento and the great Rutger Hauer can save this project. Not even the friggin plot is the same as the Bram Stoker novel as Argento is attempting a "sexy spin" on the classic story. That doesn't sound like a porn at all.

Casting Thomas Kretschmann as the Count is a nice choice, but even he seems hopelessly stuck with nowhere to take his performance. DRACULA 3D premiered out of competition at the Cannes Film Festival this year and the critics were not very forgiving. You can give the latest Argento movie a shot when it hits screen on October 4th, but I would save my money if I were you.

Source: YouTube

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12:18PM on 09/21/2013
Does what it says on the tin, really. Looks like a classic Hammer movie which is no bad thing. It's a subgenre you either enjoy or you don't. Looks entertaining at least.
Does what it says on the tin, really. Looks like a classic Hammer movie which is no bad thing. It's a subgenre you either enjoy or you don't. Looks entertaining at least.
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9:45AM on 09/21/2013
Does what it says on the tin, really. Looks like a classic Hammer movie which is no bad thing. It's a subgenre you either enjoy or you don't. Looks entertaining at least.
Does what it says on the tin, really. Looks like a classic Hammer movie which is no bad thing. It's a subgenre you either enjoy or you don't. Looks entertaining at least.
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2:46AM on 09/21/2013
The trailer was no way near as bad as the article made it sound.
The trailer was no way near as bad as the article made it sound.
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8:39PM on 09/21/2013
It was worse
It was worse
12:09AM on 09/21/2013
I was wondering what happened to Thomas Kretschmann.
I was wondering what happened to Thomas Kretschmann.
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10:56PM on 09/20/2013

Wow. Just wow.

That reminded me of Andy Warhol's DRACULA. I half expected Joe Dallesandro (with his "Bwonx" accent) and Udo Kier to show up. Actually, that might make it entertaining.
That reminded me of Andy Warhol's DRACULA. I half expected Joe Dallesandro (with his "Bwonx" accent) and Udo Kier to show up. Actually, that might make it entertaining.
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9:23PM on 09/20/2013
This reminds me of the Olga Kurylenko fish movie for some reason. Empires of the Deep, I think it's called.
This reminds me of the Olga Kurylenko fish movie for some reason. Empires of the Deep, I think it's called.
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7:37PM on 09/20/2013

This is a

"you get it or you don't" type proposition. This is highly stylized crap, and people around here seem to love that when involves 8 figure budgets and fighting robots.
"you get it or you don't" type proposition. This is highly stylized crap, and people around here seem to love that when involves 8 figure budgets and fighting robots.
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+9
7:36PM on 09/20/2013
It don't look as bad as some made it sound, I could see popping it in for fun.
It don't look as bad as some made it sound, I could see popping it in for fun.
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6:22PM on 09/20/2013
I could see making that part of my Halloween movie-thon.
I could see making that part of my Halloween movie-thon.
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6:21PM on 09/20/2013
Looks like all kinds of shit. Embarassing for everyone involved.
Looks like all kinds of shit. Embarassing for everyone involved.
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5:40PM on 09/20/2013
This trailer was a million times better than the first one that came a out a while back. Sure its not great but certainly better than the article would suggest.
This trailer was a million times better than the first one that came a out a while back. Sure its not great but certainly better than the article would suggest.
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5:17PM on 09/20/2013
Wow. That looks like a big steaming pile of horse crap.
Wow. That looks like a big steaming pile of horse crap.
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