Lindsay Lohan and Scary Movie 5 in tailspin?

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

We reported a few weeks ago that SCARY MOVIE 5 was on the way, a tragedy that fully refutes the existence of any sort of benevolent God. Well, it seems things have gotten even worse as rumors swirl that Lindsay Lohan has faked having walking pneumonia to get out of having to appear in the sequel.

According to sources close to the production the I KNOW WHO KILLED ME star was set for a cameo parodying her own troubles opposite Charlie Sheen. Apparently she lost her sh*t after finding the script mocked her career nose dive and forced her to kiss Sheen (not the first time a woman was paid to, by the way). In the fallout, LiLo has been accused of missing pre-production meetings and her Sunday flight to Atlanta to begin shooting.

Reports say she has finally shown up for work, but only after being sent threats of litigation. Other sources are describing her “method” approach to the role as staying “locked up in her room at the Bowery Hotel… in a tailspin.” Word is things are so dire that “Even Charlie Sheen [is] worried she might not be able to do the scene.” Lohan reps refute the claim, stating “These stories are untrue, and she is willingly fulfilling all of her obligations.” 

As for me, I think it’s a sign from God, who I apologize for accusing of being non-existent a few paragraphs back. In reality, He is doing everything in his power to derail the production of SCARY MOVIE 5. Praise Him. As for Lindsay, she might want to start reading the scripts are sent. I hear that’s what Natalie Portman does and she has an Oscar. Just sayin’.