The F*ckin Black Sheep: Doom (2005)

THE BLACK SHEEP is an ongoing column featuring different takes on films that either the writer HATED, but that the majority of film fans LOVED, or that the writer LOVED, but that most others LOATH. We’re hoping this column will promote constructive and geek fueled discussion. Dig in!

Directed by Andrzej Bartlowiak

​​"People have missed out because it's a hell of a lot more entertaining than anyone remembers."

It’s pretty amazing how far videos have come since the days of Duck Hunt. Games have been big business for a long time, and lately have upped their...well, game with more massively epic stories. Often times, stories a hell of a lot better than anything Hollywood has invented. So it only stands to reason that producers keep on trying to adapt video games into features…for better or worse. Why wouldn't they? Like comic books, they have automatic potential franchises with storylines already in place (though isn't it surprising that said storylines usually are thrown out with lesser success?) 

So here we have Doom, another video game adaptation that failed to catch on with viewers. Younger readers might not know what the hell this is considering that game peaked around mid 1990s. But it was THE game for a while. Bloody, gory, and so f*cking intense that folks across the world pooped themselves with each game play. No one had seen anything like it with it's first person POV, and much more...until the rest of the game industry caught up. 

When the film version came, Doom didn't exactly end the "if-it-was-a-video-game-it'll-bomb" trend. It made around $28 mil, which pretty much blows considering it cost around $60. That ain't a good return on budget. However, that's not the movie's fault because with Doom approaching it's ten year old mark, people have missed out because it's a hell of a lot more entertaining than anyone remembers. Doom is a dark, gory, intense, bloody action flick that's never slow and never too smart. It's a lot like Aliens, only dumber with great, witty lines like "I gotta take a dump." That's exactly what it’s supposed to be. And it only gets bloodier, of course, when the Rock finally gets his Big F*cking Gun. 

For those who think the movie blows, what the hell did anyone expect? To enjoy the thing you gotta keep those expectations in check. It’s a fun movie. Don’t engage that brain because the plot really doesn't matter. All anyone needs to know is that it's the future (2046) and a group of space marines are sent to a research facility to see what the hell has gone wrong. Obviously, a lot...as mutated monsters are killing everyone...some even have chainsaws. The movie has the infamous first person shooter POV for a good ten minutes or so once something happens to Karl Urban's character. Honestly, when I first saw that sequence years ago...it played pretty stupid. But now...I dig it. It's goofy, but what the hell. It's freakin' fun to watch. Actually, I wish it would have had more of that.  

It’s interesting to see a younger Rock trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. Sure, he already had mild hits like The Rundown and Walking Tall under his belt, but he was still just that big wrestler who seemed next in line to fill the void of Schwarzenegger. That never really happened, but I give him credit for not even taking the lead here. Sure, he's the leader to the platoon, but this is a young Karl Urban's flick, who was still years away from Star Trek and, of course, Dredd. But the dude shows his potential here and proves he needs to be in more action films (specifically a sequel to something that seems to be gaining momentum). The Rock is the showpiece here, but Urban is the heart...well, as deep of a heart as Doom can have. 

So if you think Doom stinks, stop already. Make a stiff drink, crank up the volume until your ear drums bleeds (just a tad), and prepare of unabashed carnage. 





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