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The F*cking Black Sheep: Friday the 13th (2009)

May. 24, 2012by: Ryan Doom

THE BLACK SHEEP is an ongoing column featuring different takes on films that either the writer HATED, but that the majority of film fans LOVED, or that the writer LOVED, but that most others LOATH. We're hoping this column will promote constructive and geek fueled discussion. Dig in!

Friday the 13th (2009)
Directed by Marcus Nispel

“It’s like a modernized old school horror movie with blood and boobs.”

It’s no breaking headline that Hollywood is fresh out of ideas. It seems that level of produced original content is at an all time low. It’s really pathetic if you think about it. (Battleship? Really?) Anyway, I guess if audiences continue to support productions, we can’t blame producers for wanting to go for near guaranteed buck because when new ideas bomb, producers would rather stick with easier to sell, easier to market brands. Cue Michael Bay.

At one time, dude made a few original shit…and some of it was pretty good (The Rock and Bad Boys). Somewhere, (I’m looking at you Pearl Harbor) he got lazy and unoriginal. Then, since he must of figured when didn’t get enough of his “brand”, he opened up a production company specializing in being lazy and unoriginal: Platinum Dunes, which focuses on nearly exclusively on remakes. Profit wise that’s cool and all, but for creativity and art, that blows.

However, as I’ve watched their movies, my annoyance has slowly subsided, especially with Friday the 13th. OK, sure, there’s been about 11 or 12 adaptations of the franchise and by the time Jason X rolled around, it had become a parody of itself (even though I dug it). Nevertheless, when Jason vs Freddy came out, something about the movie worked but then…nothing…until in six years later when Bay decided we needed to see Crystal Lake once again.

When I first saw Bay’s Friday in theaters, I remember it being okay. Not great, but not terrible. Just another day, another remake. As a few years have passed, my opinion has changed. The thing works, and works pretty damn well. Now, does Friday the 13th add anything new to the legacy of the franchise? No. What it does have is style, humor and a sense of freshness. It’s like a modernized old school horror movie with blood and boobs, something every horror fan needs. For the first time in a long time, a Jason movie felt gritty and mean. Jason didn’t feel like a rehashed relic. The big fella was current, a bad ass threat once again. I'm still surprised we haven't seen a sequel.

If anything, I give credit to director Marcus Nispel and his writers because they at least tried to add a little something beyond the expected. Sure, there’s plenty of nudity, death, gore, and mutilation, but at least they tried to put us in Jason’s world, showing us his crib where he, you know, hangs out with his bros and catches up on the Real House Wives of Wherever. I realize part of the allure of Jason, Michael, and Freddy is that they’re surface level villains without depth. They’re like union men, doing only what they’re supposed to do. With Jason, we don’t get a lot of dialogue, but we don’t need much to understand a little more about him. It’s cool though to get a new angle on a tired formula.

With that said, my main complaint on Bay’s Friday the 13th it’s got too many pretty people. I’m not bitching about the girls, but hell, even the redneck pot head guy looks too good, too actor-ish. Couldn’t they have at least cast someone more “authentic”? At the same time, the movie is little too PC safe (despite the death and nudity of course). Isn’t it too predictable to have an Asian dude and a black dude with a group of snobby white folks? Maybe if they were the ones who lived, but predictably, they die fast.

Speaking of death, damn, Friday the 13th has some moments. The first act has one of the best bear claw moments that I can remember, and who doesn’t enjoy the old place-a-person-in-a-sleeping-bag-over-a-roasting-fire gag. Well, everyone except the person in the bag. The movie never lets up as the murders become more violent, more painful. That’s really what makes a good horror flick. If you can get the story and characters decent, it’s the gore that matters. And Friday the 13th, despite Bay, gets that right.

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+2
2:29PM on 05/26/2012

It wasn't a good movie...

But I loved every minute of it. And really, what's not to love? Jason. Good! Gratuitous violence. Good! Juliana Guill's glorious rack. GOOOOOD!
But I loved every minute of it. And really, what's not to love? Jason. Good! Gratuitous violence. Good! Juliana Guill's glorious rack. GOOOOOD!
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4:39PM on 05/25/2012

this one was kinda fun to watch and enjoyable enough

But not half as good as Freddy vs. Jason. Still, it was a BILLION times better than the Nightmare remake, which really just hurts my balls every time i think about it
But not half as good as Freddy vs. Jason. Still, it was a BILLION times better than the Nightmare remake, which really just hurts my balls every time i think about it
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4:34PM on 05/25/2012
I loved it and dont think of the film as a remake at all. It felt mearly like a lost chapter from somewhere in the Jason legend. What i really want is a sequel starring Corey Feldman as a grown Tommy Jarvis who has trained like a navy seal to become a Jason fighter. He's sponsored by an elderly, wheelchair bound Elias Voorhees and together they follow and stalk the monster waiting for the right moment to kill him while saving camp counselors and horny teens in the process. That's the Jason
I loved it and dont think of the film as a remake at all. It felt mearly like a lost chapter from somewhere in the Jason legend. What i really want is a sequel starring Corey Feldman as a grown Tommy Jarvis who has trained like a navy seal to become a Jason fighter. He's sponsored by an elderly, wheelchair bound Elias Voorhees and together they follow and stalk the monster waiting for the right moment to kill him while saving camp counselors and horny teens in the process. That's the Jason movie I want, dammit.
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4:15AM on 05/25/2012

happy to see this get love

A modernized version of an old school flick? i think you hit the nail on the head, i had alot of fun with this movie and never understood all the hate, it did everything a F13 movie needed to and alsodid it alot better than most of the sequels.
A modernized version of an old school flick? i think you hit the nail on the head, i had alot of fun with this movie and never understood all the hate, it did everything a F13 movie needed to and alsodid it alot better than most of the sequels.
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6:58PM on 05/24/2012
Yeah, I never disliked the flick. In fact, I remember digging the hell out of it in the theater. Of course, I was coming off of some bad times and seeing Jason cutting up teens that dared threaten his pot farm made me feel a hell of a lot better about things. I didn't dig it as much when I saw on HBO not long after it was released on video but even then I didn't dislike it. It's not great but by no means is it bad.
Yeah, I never disliked the flick. In fact, I remember digging the hell out of it in the theater. Of course, I was coming off of some bad times and seeing Jason cutting up teens that dared threaten his pot farm made me feel a hell of a lot better about things. I didn't dig it as much when I saw on HBO not long after it was released on video but even then I didn't dislike it. It's not great but by no means is it bad.
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5:54PM on 05/24/2012
The opening is great and tense and the characters were more likable...after that...meh.
The opening is great and tense and the characters were more likable...after that...meh.
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+3
4:09PM on 05/24/2012
Love this flick. The opening 20 mins are sheer class & the rest is extremely enjoyable. My main gripes were the kills wern't creative enough though still some fun, (I'd love to know what Panabaker's original death scene was -anyone know?), I didn't dig the whole kidnap & hold Whitney hostage subplot - doesn't fit the M.O. of Jason -nor did I dig the tunnels he ran around in but ultimately I still have fun with the movie. Personally I'd've switched Whitney & Jenna's fates but that's also due to
Love this flick. The opening 20 mins are sheer class & the rest is extremely enjoyable. My main gripes were the kills wern't creative enough though still some fun, (I'd love to know what Panabaker's original death scene was -anyone know?), I didn't dig the whole kidnap & hold Whitney hostage subplot - doesn't fit the M.O. of Jason -nor did I dig the tunnels he ran around in but ultimately I still have fun with the movie. Personally I'd've switched Whitney & Jenna's fates but that's also due to me being a Panabaker fan. Oh & can anyone tell me why Guill ain't a huge star already?
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12:35AM on 05/25/2012
Yeah, seriously. Guill should be a much, much bigger star. So hot and a decent actor. You certainly can't say she's any worse than some others who have become big like Kristen Stewart.
Yeah, seriously. Guill should be a much, much bigger star. So hot and a decent actor. You certainly can't say she's any worse than some others who have become big like Kristen Stewart.
+2
3:28PM on 05/24/2012

I'm with you

I liked it for the most part. We can all agree that the kills weren't that great and the characters that good when even the "likeable" parts were bland, but it did deliver on what most horrors don't these days - blood and boobs - and so it was a nice throwback slasher. And it's not like with ANOES when the sequel tarnished a franchise. Sure the Friday series is a classic but it's not like it's ever been great quality wise. It did what it was supposed to do, have dumb ass teenagers have fun and
I liked it for the most part. We can all agree that the kills weren't that great and the characters that good when even the "likeable" parts were bland, but it did deliver on what most horrors don't these days - blood and boobs - and so it was a nice throwback slasher. And it's not like with ANOES when the sequel tarnished a franchise. Sure the Friday series is a classic but it's not like it's ever been great quality wise. It did what it was supposed to do, have dumb ass teenagers have fun and then die on a camp trip. It did no more no less. And other than parts 1, 4 and maybe 5, none of the other movies in the series did anything else. Plus there's Julianna Guill. WOW
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2:06PM on 05/24/2012
The remake isn't bad, and it felt like a 'Friday' film to me. The issues I had was in the characters (as you said, being "too pretty"), and the violence level. I felt that the death scenes were all rather generic with the exception of the bear trap. If they do a sequel, I really want the gore level turned up to 11.
The remake isn't bad, and it felt like a 'Friday' film to me. The issues I had was in the characters (as you said, being "too pretty"), and the violence level. I felt that the death scenes were all rather generic with the exception of the bear trap. If they do a sequel, I really want the gore level turned up to 11.
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+1
1:44PM on 05/24/2012
Well said My Man !! This baby brought a much needed breath of fresh air to an incredibly stagnant series , that was already rapidly descending into obscurity . I Dug the HELL out of this flick !!
Well said My Man !! This baby brought a much needed breath of fresh air to an incredibly stagnant series , that was already rapidly descending into obscurity . I Dug the HELL out of this flick !!
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