Beyond the Wall: This Week on Game of Thrones (S3 Episode 3 / April 14, 2013)

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

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EPISODE 3: Walk of Punishment

THE PLOT : The long summer is at an end, winter truly is coming and with it the cold winds of war as five self proclaimed Kings claim dominance over Westeros, but there can be only one winner when you play the game of thrones.

THE LOWDOWN: (The following column contains MAJOR SPOILERS, so I don’t recommend reading this if you haven’t watched this episode). Nothing like starting off the episode with a funeral. The great thing about this series being that since so many people die, a good bit of humor is allowed. The arrow thing is hilarious, simply because so many shows and movies use that flaming arrow tactic and nobody ever misses. Ever. I’ve shot a bow before, it’s hard enough when there isn’t wind blowing or a movie target to hit. Rob really tears his uncle a new ass and I loved it, it was also cool seeing The Blackfish. They mention the mountain and it made me wonder, it’s been awhile since I read this book and I can’t for the life of me remember what happens to him. All I do know is that I’m cringing at the thought of the Red Wedding.

We don’t see much of Tyrion tonight, but he’s not exactly overjoyed to be taking Littlefinger’s position as coin master. I don’t blame him. What could be more boring, time consuming and aggravating than chasing gold that isn’t yours. He and Bronn are always a fun duo that put a smile on my face, and their gift to Pod is almost as funny as them wanting pointers on how to score free tumbles with the ladies. Mance and Jon get to the Fist of the First men and we get another fun white walker body part design made out of horses. Mance sends Jon and Tormund Giantsbane with a group to the wall, which should be interesting to say the least. Jon’s playing the game, but sooner or later he’ll be put to the test. I don’t remember all the details, but I remember it’s good (not that it matters about the details anyway as this show does tend to go its own way to some extent).

Arya’s not around for long. They lose Hotpie (if you call that a loss) and head off with the Brotherhood to god knows where. The bit with the Hound looked like it was about to get cool, but they didn’t let her talk to him (banging his head against the top of the coach door was good though). Craster’s still the oober douchebag we remember, and you can tell no one’s impressed that they have to drop in on him again—Craster least of all. And Gilly gives birth to a baby boy in front of Sam so you know that’s gonna stir up some shit. And then there’s Theon, who manages to keep breathing. As he’s saved from an ass-raping my fiancée yells, “Oh man, that’s the one person I wanted to see raped.” I laughed. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 3’s third episode heats up the spoon and gets ready for the needle. The two most important pieces tonight are Danny—who decides to pay a dragon for all the unsullied (Say What Girl?). That dude selling them has quite the mouth on him, I can’t wait for Missandei to properly translate now that she’s free. That whole line of crosses thing was used in the season finale of SPARTACUS the other night, and it looked just as painful tonight. Last but certainly not least, we have Jamie and Brienne. I loved how Brienne started making fun of Jamie for a change—unbelievably funny. But what happens to them later isn’t so amusing. This is where Jamie starts to grow a conscience and become a good guy (in my eyes at least). He saves Brienne from being gang raped, but Jamie Lannister doesn’t know when to back off and it costs him a hand (I hated that part of the novel). Awesome ending to an awesome episode. Is it Sunday yet?

SEX/NUDITY: Theon almost gets it in the bum, and Podrick gets a lesson in spear-handling from three beautiful ladies.

VIOLENCE: Horse lovers may not be too happy with the white walkers, and it’s a rough night for slaves nailed to crosses.

SHARPEST QUIP: There are two, one funny and one epic. Hotpie is babbling about not being anyone important like a lady of Winterhell. Arya: “You mean Winterfell.” Hotpie: “You sure?” Arya: “I’m sure.” And then Jorah and Ser Barristan are talking about Rhaegar Targaryen. Jorah: “Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, and Rhaegar died.”

MOST EPIC SCENE: The great Jamie Lannister has a crisis of conscience and saves Brienne of Tarth from rape and death. Again, Jamie’s one of my favorites and this is the first step on his road to redemption. Truly epic.




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