Review Date:
Director: Frank Marshall
Writer: John Patrick Shanley
Producers: Kathleen Kennedy, Sam Mercer
Laura Linney
Dylan Walsh
Ernie Hudson
I thought this movie was supposed to be about “crazy killer apes”? Well, if it was, it sure took a looooooooong time before we saw any of them…I think it was 1hour 10minutes into the movie before the first crazy monkey hit the screen! Sure, we got killer hippos at the one hour mark (I’m not kidding!), but up until that point, all this movie really offered was a lot of hum-drum background, lots of hiking and lots of traveling. Not that it was entirely boring, but like I said before…where were the crazy killer monkeys?!?

Anyway, once the nutty apes get into the picture, the last 20-25 minutes or so, are a fun ride. You get some tension, gunfire, laser tag with the monkeys as the targets and lots of scary apes in costumes. You also have to give it up to Stan Winston and his folks for coming up with some great looking costumed apes. But the movie on the whole, isn’t that good because it basically spends too much time on stuff that we’re not all that interested in. I mean, why bring in the whole African political shtuff? Show us the crazy apes, dammit!! Why have trouble with the plane, parachutes and shit. Show us the killer monkeys, I say!! Some of the “jungles” also looked a lot like one big set.

Anyway, the film also has one of the stupidest “what the fuck?” moments that I’ve ever seen. After these folks FINALLY uncover the ancient city full of crazy killer monkeys, they decide to bunk overnight and then leave in the morning. Fair enough. But when morning arrives, and two of their stupid crew members have disappeared, they decide that the best thing to do would be to look for those idiots, instead of beelining it to the nearest airport. Hello!!! Anyway…

Tim Curry also has one of the worst accents that I’ve ever heard (and he seems to be playing it over-the-top, unlike anyone else in the movie), but Laura Linney ultimately carries the film as the Indiana Jones-esque chickidie in charge, and kudos to Ernie Hudson for also coming through.

The film does provide for some lighter moments, and I also appreciated the whole monkey love scenario between the scientist and the talking gorilla (once again, I kid you not), but overall, it wasn’t enough to really recommend to anyone else.

Some cool cameos include the awesome Bruce Campbell, Delroy Lindo and Joe Pantaliano. Incidentally, I wouldn’t suggest taking this movie too seriously, especially when you see Linney’s character start shooting down some surface-to-air missiles with her…ahem…flare gun!! (once again, I’m not kidding here)

But I didn’t mind the cheeze too much, just the pacing, which just dragged for too long at first. Not the worst adventure flick that I’ve ever seen, but far from a great one either. It’s B-movie all the way! See it if you wanna watch a bunch of crazy killer monkeys being mowed down by a lasergun by the dozen….fun times!

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian




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