Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Paul W.S. Anderson!

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

Paul W.S. Anderson

The Case

The Prosecution: Soldier, Alien Vs. Predator, Death Race, The Three Musketeers, Resident Evil series

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this should be a short trial because I think we all know what needs to be done with Paul W.S. Anderson: send his ass to Movie Jail. Early in his career Mr. Anderson showed great promise with…wait, why the f*ck is he directing films? As one of the people who suggested the director a couple of weeks ago said, all Mr. Anderson has is Event Horizon and that's it.

Paul W.S. Anderson is hands down one of the laziest directors working tonight. Every film he's done feels the same, and it's not because he has some unique style like Quentin Tarantino or even Zack Snyder. Regardless of the genre or subject matter, Mr. Anderson applies the same gimmicks to all his films: too many quick cuts, slow motion and Milla Jovovich. Paul W.S. Anderson's next film is Pompei, and it's obvious in the trailer that we'll be getting more of the "same shit, different movie" that we always do from the director. He's like a Dollar Store version of Michael Bay.

Mr. Anderson's greatest offense though might be Alien vs. Predator. Here's a film with two iconic characters that fans have been dying to see together on the big screen and there have been plenty of awesome stories told with the two in comics, yet Mr. Anderson completely butchered the film. Hell, it's worse than Jason vs. Freddy; at least it seemed like they were having fun with the idea of two famous characters facing off in that film. Mr. Anderson also writes most of the scripts for his film, so it's not like you can put the blame somewhere else for the atrocious dialogue and cardboard characters that are in his movies. Nope, that's all on him.

Here's a great way to look at Mr. Anderson's work: the director did not come back to helm the second and third Resident Evil films, but would you have known just from watching either of those movies? And when he did come back to the series to direct, was Resident Evil: Afterlife a huge improvement compared to the previous films? Was there a jump in quality when Mr. Anderson returned?

The answers are no, absolutely not, and f*ck no. Mr. Anderson totally deserves to go to Movie Jail, and the prosecution believes this will be an easy decision for the jury.

Paul W.S. Anderson

The Defense: Shopping, Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon, Resident Evil series

Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution calls my client lazy yet he's the one making the pathetic arguments. Paul W.S. Anderson makes incredibly highbrow, culturally significant films…said no one ever. Come on now, we know exactly what to expect from a film by the director at this point and many people have enjoyed his work. Critics might not love his movies, but for the most part his films have been profitable, especially on DVD. That's why Resident Evil appears on both lists of evidence, just like a few weeks ago with Milla Jovovich.

Yes, the only film he's done that "real" movie fans might consider good is Event Horizon, but it is a damn good one. And once again, his films aren't made to win awards (well, except maybe the MTV ones) nor do they explore important themes. Mr. Anderson makes films that star his smoking hot wife (usually kicking someone's ass) and are nice to look at: nothing more, nothing less. He's also had success producing films, such as the Death Race sequels and Pandorum.

For the record, the defense isn't trying to say Mr. Anderson only makes bad films that the general public enjoys. As mentioned above, Event Horizon is fantastic but the defense also feels Soldier is actually pretty solid and should not belong with the prosecution. I also still enjoy Mortal Kombat (at least it's better than Street Fighter), even if a lot of my love for that film comes from nostalgia. Another great film is Mr. Anderson's directorial debut Shopping, a movie starring Jude Law that many people seem to have forgotten about.

Mr. Anderson may be guilty of not being the greatest filmmaker ever, but are his crimes that bad that he should be sent to Movie Jail? The defense doesn't think so and we urge the jury to hand down a verdict of not guilty for this case.

Paul W.S. Anderson


Should Paul W.S. Anderson be banished to Movie Jail or should he continue to direct more Resident Evil films? Is Mr. Anderson just a talented director that works on unimportant films or is he the reason why these movies are panned by critics? Is Paul W.S. Anderson GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?


*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.


Paul W.S. Anderson


John Singleton

Although the jury made it quite clear that they will never, EVER forget Abduction with Taylor Lautner, they have declared John Singleton NOT GUILTY of all charges. The director was saved due to the jury's love for Boyz n the Hood and they also argued that he has not worked on that many films, especially as of late. John Singleton is free to go, but if he violates his probation by working with Lautner again, he'll be looking at some hard time in Movie Jail.


GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton


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