Review: Bad Biology

Last Updated on July 27, 2021

PLOT: The two main characters of BAD BIOLOGY have body issues the kind of which no normal person ever encounters. Let’s not beat around the bush: she’s got seven clits and he’s got a penis the size of his leg with a devious mind of its own. She has a habit of giving birth hours after intercourse, and his penis can detach itself from him and go a’roaming about town. Of course, these two were made for each other.

REVIEW: Frank Henenlotter made his name as the orchestrator of disgusting, campy body horror-comedies like BASKET CASE (1,2, and 3) and FRANKENHOOKER. He’s sort of David Cronenberg mixed with John Waters, and while his films are coarse and low-budget, they’re entertaining and even charming on their own level. He’s a cult director without any pretense and actually a super nice guy who just hopes to make you laugh as much as you gag. I was rooting for him, be sure of that, to hit one out of the ballpark with his new flick BAD BIOLOGY, but boy oh boy is this ever an awkward, ungainly mutant only a mother could love…

Indeed, I wasn’t expecting this to be a classy production, but on the whole it has the look and audio of a porn film. A bad one. The acting isn’t much better: Charlee Danielson plays Jennifer, a woman with an insatiable libido and one wacky vagina. Danielson is frankly at her best when she’s simulating sex, and even mines a few laughs from her over-the-top screams of ecstasy as she unwittingly beats a guy’s head into the floor while straddling him. Her line-readings, well, if you can’t say something nice… Anthony Sneed fares a little better as Batz, who is constantly struggling, physically and mentally, with his stubbornly aggressive penis. Shades of BASKET CASE are in-your-face as Batz, desperate to be normal, argues with his johnson constantly. Of course the nasty ding-a-ling fancies itself a ladies, um, man, and wants to party, whereas Batz is content to lock himself in his room and off-handedly dream of turning his house into a club (why he wants to do this is never fully explained).

The movie was partially funded by rapper R.A. “The Rugged Man” Thorburn, so naturally there’s an awkwardly-fitting hip hop soundtrack and a handful of odd cameos by rappers (none of whom I’ve heard of, but maybe you know Big Earth and Reef the Lost Cauze?). One guy named Jzone is very amusing as a rhyming drug dealer who Batz goes to for his fix of prescription drugs. Unfortunately, this scene also inexplicably devotes minutes of screentime to an incredibly obnoxious crack-whore whining and bitching to her boyfriend. This seems to go on endlessly and will test the patience of any living human being. It seems like a public service announcement bringing to light the dangers of dating a crack-addict. Well played.

The movie has an annoying tendancy to linger on scenes that have no right to go on more than 2 minutes. We waste time with Jennifer at her photoshoots, one of which takes place in Batz’s home/future club. Her models have giant vagina-masks on their faces, and one of the rappers hanging around becomes enamored with her. Hardy-har. (Oh yeah, she’s an accomplished photographer. Uh-huh.) One evening she spies Batz wrestling with his gigantic shlong (in one of the movie’s funnier images) and knows that he’s the man for her. She’s also witness to the monster orgasm he gives to a prostitute, who “oohs” and “ahhs” way after he’s done with her (another joke that goes on way past its experation date).

After about an hour of similar nonsense, Batz finds that his weiner has left him and gone cruising. We get about four scenes in a row of the stop-motion animated member breaking into differnt hot girls’ houses and… making love to them, but it’s seriously not as amusing as it sounds. The stop-motion is fairly poor and often the wandering cock doesn’t even resemble a penis, just some brownish slab of meet gliding is way along the floor. We get the idea after about one of these sequences but the movie insists on repeating it ad nauseam. I had no idea this sort of lurid freakishness could be such a bore.

What IS the point of all this? Is there a message about the frustration people have with their bodies? Sexual desire or panic? No, Henenlotter just likes his scenes with giant dongs in them… There’s nothing wrong with that – this doesn’t have to be a metaphor, or anything other than a romp – but the material aches for SOME creepier notions, something relatable, a little honesty beneath the horror and grotesquery (it should be mentioned that it’s never, ever scary, but it doesn’t really try to be). Even with BASKET CASE you had the warring-brothers dynamic, and Duane was a likable guy that you felt a little sorry for. No one in BAD BIOLOGY is likable. Not even the dasterdly penis. How do you botch THAT?

RATING: 3/10