Blade

An underworld of vampires is living amongst us, and they are no longer satisfied with being second-best. They are ready to take over the world, and only one half-man/half-vampire named Blade can stop ’em.

Regurgitated plot line from a dozen better pictures, superb action sequences, half and hour too long, and one bad-ass mutha’ as the superhero carved by way of Wesley Snipes, makes this comic-book based movie bearable, but far from highly recommendable or rewatchable. If you like the martial arts and the crazy special effect action arrangements, this movie might be moocho enjoyed by you. If on the other hand, you are one of those rare people who still likes to sink their teeth into a little plot once in a while, you might as well wait for the video version of this toothless story. Having said that, Wesley Snipes was totally kickass in this role, and rocked the house in every scene in which he appeared: cool and f-ckin scary! Unfortunately for the audience, Kris Kristofferson joined the fray as some wise old fart there to help Blade or something, but God knows Blade didn’t need help from some boring actor with a fake bum limp (And aren’t we all sick of these superhero movies that always seem to contain the proverbial sensible ol’ saps there to aid our hero in their quest for goodness? I know I am.) Add that to the contrived over-acting by Stephen Dorff, whose career is going nowhere and slow, the uncharismatic N’Bushe Wright who can’t seem to muster any interest into her unnecessary character, and the rest of the no-names who delivered their cheezy lines much like the dead bodies on which they gorged.

Luckily for us all, Blade does spend a lot of time kicking people’s ass, and splattering blood wherever he roams, so that pretty much dragged me over the more tedious moments in this overly long film. Snipes was super-cool, and much like Shaft, I’m not afraid to admit that he was one bad mutha! (Shut your mouth!) The style of the film was basically in MTV mode, with all the required flashing lights and electro music following close in tow. I thought the soundtrack could actually have been much better, instead of what seemed to be the same electronic beat dancing through all of the action scenes (see THE CROW soundtrack for a much better mix). All in all, this film is lightly recommended on the action scenes and Wesley Snipes’ performance alone. On the other hand, if you do not like blood, Snipes or action sequences, skip this dull knife, crack open a couple of cold ones, and dunk your fat face straight into a pile of nachos, and call it a night. Your primordial senses will thank me in the morning.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian