Blue Crush

A Hawaiian girl wants badly to be a great surfer, but has trouble attaining her goal with little sister in tow, and the memory of her last surfing accident resurfacing every so often. But what’s this…there’s a cute football player in town and he’s taken a liking to our little lady? Surfing lessons, a tepid romance and plenty of gnarly surfing sequences ensue.

Other than the great performance by Kate Bosworth, the great ass on Kate Bosworth and a few really bitchin’ surf sequences, this flick is a perfect example of marketing and screenwriting 101, with the overall feel and gloss of it all overriding any resemblance to an interesting, original or entertaining story or characters. I actually liked the way it all started, a super-cool surf sequence of all the girls (as well as their body doubles) slammin’ the waves, along with some hip music, tight bikinis and blue skies, but it wasn’t long before the fun turned into a pathetic attempt at a plot, and let me tell you…I use the term “plot” very loosely. Basically, the screenwriters took every plot device out of the text books, tacked it on to an extremely lame-ass “romance” with a blank-faced hunk quarterback from the NFL (I’m not kidding), along with every single reason in the world to feel sorry for the lead girl (she once had an accident, her mom left her, she works as a maid-boo-hoo!) and hoped we wouldn’t notice the horrid dialogue, as we watched chicks swing over some waves every now and again. Thankfully, the surf scenes are a treat to watch, as well as Bosworth, who despite being given an extremely weak screenplay, manages to come out looking sweet. It’s too bad that I can’t say the same for anyone else in the cast including Sanoa Lake who apparently has no personality other than cheering on her friends, Michelle Rodriguez, who struts the entire movie on one pitch (pissed at the world), Mika Boorem, Bosworth’s little sister, who is built up a little at first but then dropped altogether as the story of Bosworth’s tacky “romance” overshadows anything else and mucho idiotic secondary characters.

And how one-dimensional and idiotic were all of the guys in this movie? The over-the-top football players, the poseur tough-guy surfers who apparently never took an acting class in their lives…lame, lame, lame. And how about those ingenious plot twists? She overhears the football player saying “I love you” to someone else on the phone (wow, steal that one from an old “Three’s Company” misunderstanding episode or what?) Some football player wives diss our lead chick in the bathroom, while she’s sitting in one of the stalls? Wow, didn’t see that one coming. And my favorite scene featured Bosworth getting a massage while we hear Rodriguez’s voice giving her inventive to push onwards, etc… Inspiring or extremely cheesy? Door number two, Alex! And how about that extremely “sensitive” announcer who reminds everyone about Bosworth’s past near-fatal mishap as he introduces her into the competition? What the fuck is wrong with these people?? Basically, the story and dialogue in this movie suck to high heaven, but see it if you wanna check out some nice chick ass and wicked surf sequences (I especially dug the camera shots mounted to the front of the boards-although Bosworth’s final shot coming out of the water was horrible CGI!), as long as you don’t expect too many of them because the goofy story takes up most of this film’s drawn out one hour and forty-five minute runtime. What’s even more disappointing is that the film comes from the same dude who directed last year’s surprising CRAZY/BEAUTIFUL. He managed to make the best out of that generic screenplay, but in this case, he seemed to have worried more about the music video montage sequences, than anything to do with a compelling story. Lay this pipe!!

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian