Not too long ago, there was an announcement of an all female version of THE EXPENDABLES hitting theaters, called THE EXPENDABELLES, which I personally thought sounded supremely awesome. While we’ve gotten films like UNDERWORLD, RESIDENT EVIL and KILL BILL featuring women kicking ass and taking names, this would be the first time a movie had so many gals doing that at the same time. Now, though, that angle has changed and the project isn’t sounding nearly as cool as it once did.
What has me so worried? Well, let’s take a look at the creative minds behind this little project. According to a very reliable source, the movie is being written by Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, who’ve penned films like THE UGLY TRUTH, THE HOUSE BUNNY and SHE’S THE MAN. Robert Luketic who has made KILLERS, MONSTER-IN-LAW and THE UGLY TRUTH is set to direct. If these three were teaming up again for another lame comedy, I probably wouldn’t be writing this. However, if they’re associating themselves with something as action-packed as THE EXPENDABLES, why is Hollywood implementing people who have given us such shitty rom-coms in the past? What could have been a hard-hitting and intense female helmed vehicle now sounds like it’s being watered down into a cute, safe action/comedy. I can just see it now…
Yeah. F*ck that. There have been no further rumors, developments or details, but for now we’re basically getting an Expendable spin-off from the people that brought us LEGALLY BLONDE. I’m not saying that it’s a bad movie (in fact, AS A FILM, I’m prepared to say that LEGALLY BLONDE is a much better movie than THE EXPENDABLES), but now that we’re getting the chance to see a large cast of women potentially play against their stereotypes and gender-restricting roles, we’re being given another action/comedy from the people that helmed THE UGLY TRUTH. Hmm…
The latter part of the synopsis also has me concerned:
“some of the world’s deadliest female operatives must pose as high-class call-girls shipped in by private plane to satisfy a dictator-and instead save the scientist and the day.”
Jesus. Is getting these women to play call-girls an excuse to have them dress slutty to draw in a larger male audience? Most definitely, but why? Why can’t this be a secret, female-only section of The Expendable crew that can shoot big guns, knife fight and kick ass with the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis? Wouldn’t it be badass to have Sylvester Stallone or Jason Statham make an appearance and possibly even team up with this group of women to defeat some larger threat? That would get a ticket from me, but we all know that’s not how they’re going to go about this.
I have to say that badly shot action sequences, CGI blood and questionable acting made THE EXPENDABLES a fairly decent pile of shit and it falls right into all the genre expectations and cliches that plague action films these days. However cool it was seeing all those actors together, the movie still sucked, so if THE EXPENDABELLES sucks, it’ll be in good company, but why allow that to happen? It’s the women’s chance to make sense of the situation. So, please, give us real action scenes with practical blood effects and sincere performances from actresses who haven’t reached the age of 60 and are looking for a comeback. Sure, the plot may be cliche and silly, but having an all woman cast in an action movie would bring a whole different dynamic to the Hollywood scene. Please go with something audiences haven’t seen before by making an honest to goodness action film and stay away from the safe routine.
I’m just a regular dude and romantic comedies and lighter female driven films aren’t something that I rush to check out on a weekly basis, so maybe I don’t know what the f*ck I’m talking about, but ladies, is this really what you want? If you like flicks like 27 DRESSES and THE BOUNTY HUNTER, then great. You’ll probably enjoy something like this just fine, but having the opportunity to see this many female actors kick ass feels special, so shouldn’t we treat it that way? Wouldn’t you rather leave the theater saying, “Wow! That movie was really cool! Those girls kicked ass!” rather than saying, “Yeah! That was cute and funny!” Wouldn’t you?
So, C’mon, Hollywood! Don’t allow the stereotypes that you’ve laid out for yourself dictate how to go about a female driven film. I’d much rather see the likes of Milla Jovovich, Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Summer Glau, Linda Hamilton, Sigourney Weaver and Gina Carano seriously kicking ass rather than a movie starring Katherine Heigl, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jennifer Aniston and Kate Hudson pretending to. Please bring us something kick ass and give us something awesome.
Lastly, as fun as plagiarism sounds and as much as I wish I came up with it first, I think Sandy Schaefer of Screenrant.com said it best: “It might be best that everyone anticipates EXPENDABELLES amounting to little more than a campy celebration of feminine power…rather than a sincere expression of female empowerment.”
How sad.
