Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Eddie Murphy!

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are Hollywood writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a

Movie Jail

trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the Prosecution and Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the


is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of consistently being a stinking shithouse.

The Defendant

Eddie Murphy

The Case

The Prosecution: Norbit, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, I Spy, Imagine That, Daddy Day Care, Holy Man, The Haunted Mansion, A Thousand Words, Dr. Dolittle 1 & 2, Bowfinger, Nutty

Professor II: The Klumps.*

It is with great fervor and hostility that we charge actor/comedian Eddie Murphy of crimes against the movie going community. Sure, the man has been

at the head of multi-million dollar franchises and yes, we recognize that his

first role as a lead, Beverly Hills Cop grossed over $230 Million but does

that allow Mr. Murphy to lean over the edge of Hollywood and take a gigantic shit on all of us? What happened to the young, brash, hilarious star of SNL,

Beverly Hills Cop and Trading Places? What happened to the risk taking funny man who co-wrote Coming to America and directed an all black cast in

Harlem Nights, his directorial debut? When did Mr. Murphy decide to play it safe and lob soft balls like Daddy Day Care and Dr. Dolittle at us?

And though movies like Shrek are wildly popular among children and even his last turn in Brett Ratner’s Tower Heist did well critically, a look at his Rotten Tomatoes profile shows more rotten than fresh ratings. Not to mention that at

one point
cops pulled him over with a transvestite prostitute.


that’s one for the defense. Objection to my last statement, I’d like to have it stricken from the record. Wait, can I do that?

The Defense: Saturday Night Live, 48 Hrs., Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, Bowfinger, Coming to America, stand up specials Delirious and

Raw, Harlem Nights, Boomerang, Shrek 1-12, Dreamgirls.*

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, I’m just a caveman. Your laws of Movie Jail frightens and confuses me. The heartbreaking thing about putting Mr. Murphy on trial

is that when he’s good, he’s really fucking good. There aren’t many comedies that are considered “classics” that still hold up but Murphy has that with

Coming to America, 48 Hrs, Beverly Hills Cop, and Trading Places. You can even argue his voiceover skills as Donkey in Shrek


the best thing he’s done in a decade. A crazy amped up Murphy. It’s a kid’s movie, sure, but does the court deny that Murphy completely owned that animated character

with a multitude of funny lines and energy that permeated off the screen? His Dreamgirls‘ performance was stellar and only

hints at the potential for Murphy to have a second life as a dramatic actor. IF he’s up for the challenge, which the defense believes is only a matter of WHEN, not

IF. Hollywood knows that above all else, Mr. Murphy is a bonefied box office star that

delivers gold bricks to the studios. What more can the court want to acquit Mr. Murphy? Other than to blow said court? Has the defense mentioned
the transvestite incident?
Have it Uruguay. Now then, tell the prosecution to have a

coke and a smile and

shut the fuck up! (4:30)


So, what’s to be done with Mr. Murphy? Could his earlier successful movies give a pass to the more recent, water downed version of the man?

Does his box office appeal have any bearing in this case? And the most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into consideration, I ask

you The Jury, is Eddie Murphy GUILTY or NOT GUILTY? Let’s hear YOUR arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.

*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so relax.



After reviewing last week’s evidence, the court finds Mr. Adam Sandler

GUILTY of charges against the movie going community. He is to be given a life sentence in Movie Jail with the possibility of parole should he have a consistent

output of quality movies. In his previous trial, one JoBlo Movie Podcast listener thought 300lb black guys should be picked to run a rape train on

Adam Sandler (and possibly a future defendant). So he’s getting off easy with this sentence. Or not getting off at all. I don’t know. Get off my shit, I

don’t judge people.


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