Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Ryan Reynolds!

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

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The Case

The Prosecution: Blade: Trinity, The In-Laws, Smokin' Aces, Chaos Theory, Adventureland, The Proposal, Buried, Green Lantern, The Change-Up, Safe House, R.I.P.D.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you know how sometimes you'll meet a woman and immediately think she's special? Maybe she said the right thing at the right time or you're distracted by her looks, but for whatever reason you believe this one is unique and worth pursuing. However, after some time the cracks begin to show: you discover her tramp stamp, way too many ex-boyfriends hang around her, she "relates" to Taylor Swift and her favorite television show is (gulp) the CW's Beauty & the Beast. You sadly come to the realization that this girl is not different and everything will end in tears. This is how the prosecution feels about Ryan Rodney Reynolds.

The prosecution first saw Mr. Reynolds in the television series Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place and thought he was an incredibly funny, charismatic actor. He was probably the best thing about the show, and we believed that Mr. Reynolds had a very bright future ahead of him. Although Mr. Reynolds had a small part in Dick and appeared in television movies like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, his first real movie that gave him exposure was 2002's National Lampoon's Van Wilder. Although the film is like many of the over-the-top disgusting, sexual teen movies at the time (think Road Trip, American Pie or Euro Trip), Mr. Reynolds' performance is spot-on and perfect. The movie certainly isn't a masterpiece and we're not talking about some tragedy filled drama here, but it was a perfect showcase for Mr. Reynolds' talents at the time and he nailed it.

But it was soon after Van Wilder that the prosecution started to get annoyed by the actor. Some may have enjoyed him in Blade: Trinity, but Mr. Reynolds just rubbed the prosecution the wrong way in that film. Smokin' Aces has its moments, but the prosecution argues that Mr. Reynolds is the weakest part of that film and the same could also be said for Safe House. To be honest, Mr. Reynolds just hasn't done much to impress the prosecution lately. Part of the reason has been his performances in films, but it has also been some of the movies he has picked to star in. Adventureland is like a depressing version of Waiting …, while The Change-Up and The Proposal are extremely safe (and bad) romantic comedies. Sure he's mixed things up with Buried and Chaos Theory, but does he really do anything to "wow" you in either film? 

Then there's Green Lantern. The movie has a ton of flaws, but the prosecution has always felt one of the film's big problems was Mr. Reynolds portrayal of the character: he just wasn't a believable Hal Jordan. In fact, the prosecution doesn't feel like Mr. Reynolds is at his best whenever he is in an action or comic book movie. Once again, part of the problem is the projects he has appeared in (was anyone ever excited for R.I.P.D.?) but at least part of the blame has to be placed on the actor himself as well. He was also attached to the Highlander reboot until a couple of months ago, another film that just doesn't sound appealing. The prosecution believes a few months in Movie Jail would be good for the public and Mr. Reynolds.

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The Defense: National Lampoon's Van Wilder, Waiting…, The Amityville Horror, The Nines, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Paper Man, Just Friends, Definately Maybe

Ladies and gentlemen, the prosecution sounds like that douche bag that doesn't like an obscure band anymore because they've became popular. Yes most women could probably pick him out of a line-up of just shirtless torsos, but my client isn't a typical pretty boy actor and he doesn't receive nearly enough credit for how diverse his filmography is. Furthermore, the defense believes that Mr. Reynolds is doing just fine with the projects he picks.

Just because Mr. Reynolds is "popular" doesn't mean he's only does big budget, CGI filled films, nor has he been stuck playing a love interest in countless romantic comedies. The actor has done great work in smaller, underrated films like The Nines and Paper Man besides appearing in major studio films. While some of his big films and other movies have been bombs or poorly received by critics, the defense really doesn't feel that Mr. Reynolds is at fault in most cases. My client also isn't a "safe" actor like the prosecution makes him out to be. Buried is a perfect example of Mr. Reynolds trying something different, and it was an incredibly ballsy film for my client to star in. The entire film hinges on Mr. Reynolds' performance, and even if you thought he wasn't that great in the film you have to at least recognize that he is willing to take risks with the movies he appears in.

Even when Mr. Reynolds has starred in romantic comedies they have been better than most of the shit that gets released year after year. Definitely, Maybe and Just Friends are funny movies that had a surprising amount of heart without being too cheesy. Both films could have been blander or just not as good without my client involved.

This will probably be the only time you'll ever see X-Men Origins: Wolverine used as a defense, but Mr. Reynolds was actually a damn good Deadpool, even if they mucked up the character. They as in Fox (once again not my client's fault) and the the defense argues the only reason we still hear rumors about a Deadpool solo film is because of Mr. Reynolds.

Mr. Reynolds for Movie Jail? Not bloody likely. My final argument is this: is Ryan Reynolds on the same level as Ashton Kutcher? Is he even on par with Paul Walker? Hell no, and Mr. Walker was found not guilty when he was on trial so why is Mr. Reynolds so deserving of a cell? My client should get a not guilty verdict, and I trust the jury will make the right decision.

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Verdict time! What are you guys going to do with Ryan Reynolds? Send him to Movie Jail or set him free? Does the prosecution have a case against the actor? I ask you the jury, is Ryan Reynolds GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?


*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.


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Jennifer Lopez Guilty

In the case of Movie Jail vs. Jennifer Lopez, the jury has found the actress GUILTY of all charges. After making sure we actually had Jennifer Lopez and not Mitch Connor, we threw her and her ass in jail. The children of the world can sleep safely tonight knowing that Miss Lopez will be locked away from all cameras and microphones for a very long time.


GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp


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