Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Wes Craven!

Welcome to Movie Jail, a facility like any other, only its inmates are Hollywood

writers, directors, actors and producers. This column will serve as a

Movie Jail

trial. We will put one defendant on trial; lay out arguments for the Prosecution and

Defense. And we leave it up to YOU, the reader, to decide whether the


is guilty of his or her crime. What crime? The crime of consistently being a stinking




Wes Craven



The Prosecution: My Soul to Take, Cursed, Scream 3, Vampire

in Brooklyn, New Nightmare, producer and executive of many awful projects*

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, there have been many times on The JoBlo Movie Podcast

(every Monday on when Movie Jail warden, Jim Law, has brought up Mr.

Craven’s name as a defendant. Seeing that this week’s FACE-OFF pits Craven against

Carpenter, the prosecution feels what better time to throw Mr. Craven on

trial than now. How does one man, who’s name is synonymous with the horror genre,

create some of the two of the biggest franchises in said genre, and fill the gaps with

such horseshit? Just look at the man’s Rotten

Tomatoes rundown. Does this look like the resume of a groundbreaking

visionary of the horror genre? His last fresh rating was Red Eye in 2005?

That’s 7 years ago, ladies and gentleman of the jury, and since then he’s polluted the

genre with crap like My Soul to Take and producing other crap
The Hills

Have Eyes 2, The Breed and Dracula 2000. DRACULA 2000 folks! And if

Vampire in Brooklyn is brought up in the defense, the prosecution is liable to

throw someone out a window. Not really.

The Defense: Scream 1 and 2, Red Eye, A Nightmare on Elm

Street, Serpent and the Rainbow, The People Under the Stairs, Shocker*

Ladies and Gentleman of the jury, how can we just completely discount Mr. Craven’s

place in horror history? Can we name another person who has spawned so many imitators

in the genre? The things he’s done to create a new brand of horror back in the day

should not go overlooked, no matter the blunders he’s had over the last couple of

years. And what’s the guy supposed to do? Sit on his ass and float on the success of

his earlier work? No, he keeps plugging and plugging away. Does it always work out?

Maybe, maybe not. But he still remains prolific, and why should he be faulted for that? And besides, what’s this shit about Vampire in Brooklyn? You have

Eddie Murphy as a goddamn vampire….in Brooklyn, yo!



So, what’s to be done with Mr. Wes Craven? Will a stint in Movie Jail

help his career to get back on the right track? Has his recent run of shit sandwiches

ruined his legacy in the genre of horror? And the

most important question to be asked, once all evidence is taken into

consideration, we ask

you The Jury, is Wes Craven GUILTY or NOT GUILTY? Let’s hear YOUR

arguments, either side, by STRIKING BACK BELOW.

*The court recognizes that all movies are subjective, so






It is the jury’s decision that after reviewing

last week’s evidence, the court finds Jim Carrey unequivocally

NOT GUILTY of all charges. Not only is Mr. Carrey acquitted by a 95% margin,

but with such a lopsided victory, it’s likely that he’ll never see the inside of Movie

Jail. Instead, the defense for that trial is sentenced to two years of Federal “pound

you in the ass” prison.

Adam Sandler
Eddie Murphy
Vince Vaughn
Tim Burton
The Farrelly Brothers
Robert De Niro
Val Kilmer

Nic Cage

John Travolta

Oliver Stone

Ben Stiller

Jim Carrey


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