Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…David Spade!

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

The Case

The Prosecution: Grown Ups 2, Jack & Jill, Grown Ups, The Benchwarmers, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Joe Dirt, Lost & Found, Senseless, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the past few weeks the prosecution has noticed a couple of you have wanted David Spade to stand trial. To be honest, we weren't sure if the actor was still relevant enough to be considered for Movie Jail. But with Mr. Spade recently talking about still wanting to make Joe Dirt 2, the prosecution has decided he should be thrown in prison, if only to prevent the sequel from happening.

Mr. Spade has appeared in a few decent projects, but for the past decade the actor has pretty much only starred or have had cameos in films involving his SNL co-star Adam Sandler. Maybe if someone could pry Mr. Spade's lips from Mr. Sandler's tit and his Happy Madison Productions, his filmography wouldn't look so terrible. However, even his movies not produced by Happy Madison (Lost & Found, Senseless, 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag) have been awful.

But let's go back to Mr. Spade's Happy Madison films, because those really are the only movie projects he has worked on as of late. Why does it seem like Mr. Spade can only find work when Mr. Sandler is making a new movie? Jesus dude, you could at least see if Capital One will hire you back to do commercials again. It's a little sad those commercials were funnier than his roles in The Benchwarmers and the Grown Ups movies.

Also, the prosecution knows Joe Dirt has its fans, but I never understood the love for the movie. Ok, so Christopher Walken is great in it, but when isn't he awesome? Maybe it's better than Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, but it's certainly not a classic, or as good as his older films with the late Chris Farley.

Mr. Spade has done some work in television as well, but the prosecution never cared for Rules of Engagement, and The Showbiz Show with David Spade was like watching an unfunny version of his "Hollywood Minute" segments from SNL.

If Mr. Spade wants to keep hanging out with Adam Sandler he can do it in Movie Jail, where he belongs.

The Defense: Hotel Transylvania, Racing Stripes, Joe Dirt, The Emperor's New Groove, Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, PCU, Coneheads

Ladies and gentlemen, the defense knows it's going to be hard to convince most of you Mr. Spade shouldn't go to Movie Jail. Some have probably never liked the actor, or are just sick of seeing him in Adam Sandler projects. The defense isn't a huge fan of his recent movies either, however I still think he can be very funny, and he's done some excellent work voicing animated characters.

Racing Stripes isn't a great or even good film, but my client did a solid job as the voice of Scuzz. He was also very good as Griffin the Invisible Man in Hotel Transylvania, and as Emperor Kuzco in The Emperor's New Groove, even if Patrick Warburton's Kronk stole the show in that film. My point is Mr. Spade has done very well with animated films, and the defense would love to see him do more voice work.

The prosecution mentions Rules of Engagement, which isn't an impressive show, however it might explain why my client hasn't appeared in that many films these past few years. The series just finished airing last year, so maybe now Mr. Spade has the time to work on other projects. Speaking of TV shows, is the defense the only one who remembers how fantastic he was on Just Shoot Me?

The defense also doesn't think Tommy Boy and Black Sheep would have worked nearly as well without my client. Everyone loves Chris Farley in those films, but people forget Mr. Spade was pretty damn funny in them as well. The prosecution might not think Joe Dirt is that great, however the defense thought it was hilarious. Very dumb maybe, but still very funny, and not just because of Christopher Walken. If Mr. Spade wants to make a sequel, the defense would definitively be interested in checking it out, and I know I'm not the only one.


What should we do with the tiny comedic actor? Throw Mr. Spade in prison with his pal Adam Sandler, or let him walk? Do you think he deserves Movie Jail, or should we wait and see what he's going to do now that his television series has been canceled? Is David Spade GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?


*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.



Steve Martin and his banjo aren't going anywhere: the jury has found Mr. Martin NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial. Most jury members admitted they haven't enjoyed many of the actor's recent films, however most also said he's done too much good to be tossed in Movie Jail, and chastised the prosecution for not liking The Lonely Guy.


GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special)

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin


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