Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Dennis Quaid!

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

The Case

The Prosecution: Movie 43, Playing for Keeps, The Words, What to Expect When You're Expecting, Beneath the Darkness, Legion, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Horsemen, Vantage Point, American Dreamz, Yours, Mine & Ours, Flight of the Phoenix, The Day After Tomorrow, The Alamo, Cold Creek Manor, Switchback, Something to Talk About, Undercover Blues, Everybody's All-American, All Night Long

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in the early 90s Dennis Quaid was battling an eating disorder and a cocaine addiction, and it's probably part of the reason why he ended up appearing in awful movies such as Undercover Blues and Something to Talk About. But lately it seems like Mr. Quaid agrees to just about any project that comes his way, and as a result has starred in more than a few absolutely terrible films. Besides the infamous Movie 43, Mr. Quaid has also appeared in cinematic turds like Playing for Keeps, The Words, and Legion.

However it's not like these are the only bad films featuring Mr. Quaid. The actor's filmography is littered with movies that have bombed with critics (Yours, Mine & Ours) and at the box office (The Alamo). It's very hard to get excited for an upcoming film starring Mr. Quaid since there's a very good chance it'll wind up being more like a Cold Creek Manor, and less like a Wyatt Earp or Frequency.

In addition, Mr. Quaid doesn't always put a lot of effort into his performances. I guess we can't blame him for not giving 110% in movies like American Dreamz, and sometimes he doesn't have a lot to work with, but too often it seems like Mr. Quaid is just coasting through a movie. Is Mr. Quaid bored with acting, or does he like being a less grumpy, poor man's Harrison Ford?

Mr. Quaid's inability to say no to a movie (and a paycheck) will only continue to hurt the actor's career, and the prosecution believes the only way to help Mr. Quaid is by locking him up for a while in Movie Jail.

The Defense: At Any Price, Footloose, Soul Surfer, The Special Relationship, Pandorum, The Express, Smart People, In Good Company, Far From Heaven, The Rookie, Frequency, Traffic, Any Given Sunday, Playing by Heart, The Parent Trap, Savior, Gang Related, Dragonheart, Wyatt Earp, Flesh and Bone, Postcards from the Edge, Come See the Paradise, Great Balls of Fire!, D.O.A., Suspect, Innerspace, Enemy Mine, The Big Easy, Dreamscape, The Right Stuff, Caveman, Breaking Away

Ladies and gentlemen, although my client has appeared in some dreadful films, there's something the jury should remember about Mr. Quaid. Although he's an established actor, it's not like Mr. Quaid is getting huge paychecks for most of his movies. He still needs to work to pay the bills, which means sometimes appearing in a bad film. Each year Mr. Quaid stars in at least two to three movies, and with so many projects, it's no surprise a few of them have been bombs. At least my client likes to work on different types of films, and doesn't just stick to one genre.

However, the prosecution's claim my client's performances have been lazy is absurd. Have they all been great? No, but Mr. Quaid is often very good, even when the movie itself hasn't been fantastic. Smart People features a great performance by my client, as well as the sci-fi flick Pandorum. And although the prosecution didn't care for Footloose or Soul Surfer, Mr. Quaid was quite good in both of those films as well. Mr. Quaid's portrayal of Bill Clinton in the television movie The Special Relationship is also another recent example of excellent acting from my client.

Mr. Quaid is a solid, if not spectacular actor, and although some of his most recent films haven't been winners, the defense still doesn't think he deserves to go to Movie Jail.


Should we throw Mr. Quaid in jail for his crimes, or do you think he just needs to be a little more picky when looking for projects? Has Mr. Quaid been mailing his performances in lately, or do you believe he's still a decent actor? Is Dennis Quaid GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?


*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.



The jury loves Chris Rock the comedian, but Chris Rock the actor and filmmaker? Eh, not so much. Mr. Rock was found GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial, with most jury members saying they've been disappointed with his movie projects, especially his work with Adam Sandler in the Grown Ups movies. Maybe after spending some time behind bars and away from his SNL pal, Mr. Rock will start appearing in good movies, or at least films that are just as funny and smart as his stand-up.


GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Special), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon


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