Movie Jail: This week’s defendant is…Milla Jovovich!

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

Movie Jail

This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.

The Defendant

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The Case

The Prosecution: Resident Evil series, You Stupid Man, No Good Deed, Ultraviolet, .45, Dirty Girl, Bringing Up Bobby, The Three Musketeers

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I've seen this actress mentioned a few times for Movie Jail and the prosecution agrees: it's time for Milla Jovovich to go to the cinema slammer. Early in her career Miss Jovovich appeared in a few movies that became classic/cult films (Dazed & Confused, Kuffs, Chaplin) but she first received major exposure with The Fifth Element. That film apparently unleashed her hidden lust for action because those types of movies have become her bread and butter, which the prosecution wouldn't have a problem with if they were actually any good.

You can't talk about Miss Jovovich without bringing up the Resident Evil series and that franchise is a big reason why the actress is on trial. Each new installment of the franchise has been lazier than the last and while some may argue that it's still exciting to see Miss Jovovich as Alice, the prosecution feels her performance in those films has become stale and about as fresh as the area between my butt cheeks after a five mile run.

But couldn't she do something about the quality of these films? Maybe talk to the writer or director? It shouldn't be too hard since she is married to the dude. The prosecution doesn't have a problem with nepotism when the end result is an excellent movie, but the films from the couple been just plain bad. It'd be one thing if they made films together like Joel Coen and Frances McDormand, but Anderson and Miss Jovovich aren't even operating on the same level as Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter.

Miss Jovovich has done other films besides Resident Evil but most of them have been more uninspiring action flicks like Ultraviolet and The Three Muskateers, the later of which was also directed by Paul W.S Anderson. The films Miss Jovovich has appeared in that don't require her to wield machine guns range from below average (Dirty Girl) to awful (Bringing Up Bobby), and her performances in those films aren't bright spots either. In fact, most of the time if she's in a movie where she isn't kicking someone in the face it's like Miss Jovovich doesn't know what to do.

Miss Jovovich's upcoming films aren't that promising either: another Resident Evil movie and Pompeii directed by (surprise!) Paul W.S. Anderson. Obviously things aren't going to change unless we do something about it, and that means sending her to Movie Jail. Or at least a break from Paul W.S. Anderson.

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The Defense: The Fifth Element, He Got Game, The Claim, Zoolander, Resident Evil series (explained below), Dummy, A Perfect Getaway, The Fourth Kind, Stone, The Messenger: Joan of Arc*

Ladies and gentlemen, let's make one thing perfectly clear: Milla Jovovich is an action movie star. That doesn't mean she shouldn't be judged, but certain people (like the prosecution) just aren't going to care for the actress or the films she stars in. Like Jason Statham and his trial from a few weeks ago, Miss Jovovich knows what she's capable of and what her fans like. There's a reason why she's been rumored for The Expendables 3 and I guarantee most people won't have a problem with her appearing in that film. Resident Evil is a popular, profitable franchise and Miss Jovovich clearly loves playing the character. The films may not wow critics, however there are huge fans of the movie that would defend Miss Jovovich with their lives. Geek love is strong.

Miss Jovovich also has a better mix of non-action films than the ones listed by the prosecution. Although she didn't have a lot of screen time, the actress was quite hilarious in Zoolander and has shown plenty of dramatic range with films like He Got Game and Stone. Although it is more of a sci-fi than it is a drama Miss Jovovich was tremendous in The Fourth Kind, even though that film as a whole is pretty craptastic. Many of her smaller films don't get the attention they deserve so many people just assume she does the action films and nothing else.

To really understand Miss Jovovich and her career all you have to do is read this quote from the her that appeared in an interview with the Toronto Star back in 2003 about becoming an action star:

I love it. I feel if I've ever found a niche in Hollywood, it's possibly as an action star, in a sense. No one is going to give me a chance to play a normal part, unless I do an independent film or I produce it myself.

Today those words are even more true for the actress. Miss Jovovich knows that many just see her as that ass kicking girl from the Resident Evil films and instead of whining about not getting better parts or complaining that she's being typecast, she embraces the action roles she does get and tries to do other things on her own. Her smaller films may not have earned her Oscar nominations or widespread critical acclaim, but Miss Jovovich has still been excellent in most of those roles and doesn't deserve to go to Movie Jail.

*The defense forgot to include The Messenger: Joan of Arc when originally writing this article and those responsible have been sacked.

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Movie Jail for Miss Jovovich? Is she just a generic female action star or a hot ass kicking woman that has more range than she gets credit for? Is there too much Resident Evil and Paul W.S. Anderson in her filmography or is it a good mix? Is Milla Jovovich GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?


*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyways, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.


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Ryan Reynolds

After spending some time grumbling about what movies the defense and prosecution used as evidence in the trial (what, can't a dude not like Smokin' Aces?) the jury found Ryan Reynolds NOT GUILTY of all charges. Many of you came to Mr. Reynold's defense citing his work in Buried, him potentially playing Deadpool again in another film and his puppy dog eyes. Mr. Reynolds is free to go, but Movie Jail will be keeping an eye on him and he better keep his nose clean.


GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr. , Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez

NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds


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