Ultraviolet

Set in the future, this film features a lead hottie who is part vampire/part human? Actually, I’m not sure exactly but she’s pissed off at the humans leading this futuristic world and kidnaps a child for her blood-thirsty bosses. Then, at some point, she changes her mind and steals the kid right back. After that, everybody in this videogame—oops, I mean “movie”, chases after the lead hottie as she kicks ass and kills pretty much anyone and everyone in her way.

One of the reasons that I was really stoked to see this movie, other than the gunkata and Milla Jovovich factors of course, was the fact that the director’s previous film, EQUILIBRIUM, had received shoddy treatment by Dimension Films and practically dumped onto the world. The film gathered a tidy little cult following since that time (with yours truly included) which made this film all the more anticipated. Unfortunately for Mr. Wimmer, it appears as though he once again got dicked with this movie, as the studio apparently took it away from him in the end (he hasn’t given any interviews over the past few months, so we don’t really know the whole story), cut it up as they saw fit and released it into theaters at 85 minutes and a PG-13 rating. So is this version of the film any good? You know what…it’s decent for “what it is”. I mean, this is a movie that starts off with a very cool animated credit sequence featuring various different covers of a fake “Ultraviolet” comic book featuring the lovely lead in various hot poses shooting people up. Basically…that’s the movie. If you enjoy comic book action, if a deep and intertwined plot is NOT what you’re looking for, if a very hot girl kicking ass in various colored hot outfits rubs your wee-wee the right way, buy yourself a ticket for this show and prepare to enjoy the very visual ride through an awesome looking futuristic society packed with nifty visual effects.

I enjoyed most of this film because what I was given was what I was basically looking for: an escapist action-packed sci-fi flick featuring a hottie slashing people up a la Bride from KILL BILL…but sans any blood. And there, of course, is part of the very real rub against this film. It’s rated PG-13 and even though it features hundreds of deaths from blade, gun and foot, barely any blood is shed and almost no real feeling is given to any of the murders. It’s a videogame gone wild, basically. I didn’t mind that so much, since I still enjoyed most of the action, especially an extremely memorable, and over-the-top, motorcycle ride that has to be seen to be believed, but I think I really would have enjoyed this film that much more, had the action meant more and was bloodier. Also, if you’re looking for decent acting, walk down the line and catch BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN instead, because this film might actually include some of the worst deliveries that I have seen in any movie in a long time. This one bald guy at the beginning of the movie almost brought the entire film down with his putrid acting alone. Thankfully, I’m a pretty solid Jovovich fan and along with her good performance, she was looking great in a variety of different colored outfits and hair (I have no idea why they changed so often, but hey…I was all good with it!) and the many shots of her ass from various angles. Thanks, Kurt!

On yet another negative tip though, the blank-faced kid from BIRTH and GODSEND shows up here again with yet another expressionless performance, as the filmmaker attempts to build an emotional base to the movie, but doesn’t succeed. If you’re going to make a movie so over-the-top that the lead character is able to walk on walls and pull guns out of her wrists (via some dimensional gadget), I’m not sure stopping all of the action to sit down with a vampire and an emotionless kid is the best way to go. Sticking to the film’s frenetic pace would likely have paid greater dividends, or much like EQUILIBRIUM, building a sounder plotline. The story here is “so-so”, but ultimately you don’t really care about much of it. It’s basically a chase movie, with plenty of cool kickass sequences to stimulate the eye-balls, again though…if that’s what you’re looking for! Take the visuals from EQUILIBRIUM, add a few million dollars, then mix the TRANSPORTER flicks with a touch of UNDERWORLD and the “Danger Girl” comic book series, and that’s what you get here. In the end, I enjoyed a few more of its elements than I didn’t, but if you’re looking for a great story, well-developed characters and top-notch acting, do NOT see this movie. If, on the other hand, you can appreciate a film simply for its look and feel, enjoy the whole futuristic science-fiction angle with plenty of cool trinkets, love the Jovovich, her backside and her ass-kicking ways and dig action above all else, check this film out, but do not go into it expecting to see an all-out bloody-ass fight flick since it’s essentially geared to teens. For that, I rate it one notch lower (see at home) because I just know the studio f*cked with it, and surely lowered its ambitions.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian